It’s not forbidden and there isn’t as much guilt around it as there is in other religions.
It’s a good thing, because sex is everywhere from relationships consummated on t.v. with the couple blissfully wrapped in sheets to internet pornography that shows more than everything and anything.
However, despite sex as an entertainment phenomenon, and religiously sanctioned, what is still lagging behind is truthful understanding and frank conversation about the actuality of having sex including the physical and emotional complications.
Sex in the City brought women’s sexuality to a place on the table that it had never been, but again, besides Charlotte’s first marriage, sex was as easy as cake.
The expectation that sex happens as it does on t.v. or in pornography just isn’t realistic and sets couples up for failure and a lack of tools to cope with dysfunction in a female or male.
Why is sex, and I mean real sex, still not talked about? It may be studied at places like the famous www.kinseyinstitute.org/, but studied and discussed are separate entities. I wonder if there are no forums to discuss sex because everyone assumes everybody knows everything from popular culture.I’ve started reading an anonymous blog entitled http://unconsummated.blogspot.com/ . It is written by a young woman who is 24, a virgin, and is unable to consummate her marriage. She has been married for a year and is suffering from a condition I had never heard of before called Vaginismus. She explains this all in her blog, but what’s clearer than the problem itself is the isolation she has felt for most of the year she has been suffering from it and the lack of preparation she felt before having sex for the first time.
Some of the readers have blamed this on her religious upbringing. I don’t agree with that. There are so many men and women who suffer from sexual dysfunction whose religious morals don’t dictate their sex life.
I’m not a scientist or therapist, but I have a very open relationship with many of my friends and this is what I most frequently hear about:
sexless marriages
inability to orgasm
male impotency
lack of female desire
I also didn’t mention that I’m not 100 years old either. I’m in my 30s and my friends are my age and younger.
Where is the discourse? Who do you turn to?
Some might answer http://drruth.com/ or http://www.talksexwithsue.com//. Others might recommend http://www.shmuley.com/.
The truth is, I’m not sure anyone can solve their sex problems from a web site, book or magazine. This may be an issue of a breakdown in community. Who can you talk about these things with when most of our non-partner human contact is through Facebook? Also, it’s hard to find a place where people aren’t putting up fronts and will be honest about their sexuality.
What’s my non professional suggestion? Sexual dysfunction can be caused by a medical problem, so it wouldn’t hurt to consult a doctor. However, expectations regarding a doctor’s ability to provide emotional support should be kept to a minimum. They are not trained to increase your sexual self esteem.
To combat serious problems in the Chicago Area, the following program was recommended by someone who trained there. It is a Sex Clinic at Loyola University Hospital:
Since its inception in 1972, Loyola's Sex Clinic in Loyola Outpatient Center has treated approximately 3,000 married couples and has trained more than 3,000 professionals. Married couples with sexual problems are provided seven weeks of couples counseling by a multidisciplinary team of health care professionals, including specialists in psychiatry, psychology, gynecology, urology, family medicine, nursing and social work. Single patients also are counseled individually or in a six-week all-female or all-male, small-group setting. To schedule an appointment with a Loyola physician, call toll-free (888) LUHS-888 and ask for extension 6-3752 (ttp://www.loyolamedicine.org)
And this is just a great clip from a great movie.
1 comment:
Great post, Sharna. I think the most important part of any couple's sex life is communication. Many of us were raised not to talk about sex, and we keep our thoughts, feelings, and problems to ourselves. It's unfair, because one person's issues quickly become thier partners issues, and without frank, supportive communication, little issues become huge, relationship and self-esteem destroying misunderstandings.
Of course, I'm also a person who believes that if you can't bring yourself to talk about sex with the person you're having sex with, you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
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