Still here

It has been a year since you have been gone, but this week you were with me. 

....

I helped two friends in the same way that you would have. That's all I can say about that. 

Ben scored two goals today. When he scores, he imitates Messi, who takes his fingers to his lips and then to the sky. Benjamin says Messi does that to remember his grandmother.  So Benjamin does the same motion in honor of you. He did it twice and looked back at me with his million dollar smile. You would love seeing him smile. 

I wish you were here for Maya. I feel like I'm not equipped for this next difficult phase of her life. I know you'd tell me to calm down, to not over-parent. I need you to tell me that she will be okay.  We turned out okay, after all. And then you'd laugh and make a joke saying, "maybe not." 

.... 

If you were alive, I wonder if I would be home right now. I wonder if you would have really pressured Lior or me. I wonder if we would have argued. It was very hard to say no to you. You did so much for everyone in the world. How do you say no to Abe Marcus? You would have said "do me this one favor, please." On the other hand, I wonder if you would be proud that I'm here. I haven't stayed because I'm a zealot. I've stayed because it makes the most sense for my family. It's safe where I am. It's stable. It's best for my health. I can be the best teacher possible here. It's best for my family economically. What brought you the most pride was that I had made smart decisions in my life, even though they took me so far away from you, mom and the rest of the family. 

It couldn't have been easy for you when you left your family. In 1961, Indiana was practically Israel for someone from New York State. I never asked you that. I wish I would have...

...

In class today, I was teaching about the Islamic Golden Age. We talked about the Muslims innovations in terms of finance including business partnerships and credit. I asked the class, (17 12th graders half asleep, looking at their phones, or doing other homework on Zoom) who was familiar with the concept of credit, credit cards, and interest. None of them really knew much about it and those who volunteered answers were off in their understanding. 

Obviously, this unit is very important, but so is a 17 or 18 year old knowing the basics of credit. I pleaded with them to listen. "What I'm about to teach you could save you thousands of dollars in the future!" This peaked their interest (great joke, right dad?) So I taught it to them including the importance of building your credit, but paying off your credit card every month so you don't have credit card debt. We looked at the math so they could see it for themselves. I told them that you taught me to pay off my credit card every month, and that maybe, just maybe, this lesson had come up because it was the anniversary of your death. 

For some students, that kind of emotion makes them uncomfortable. For the ones who've known me for a while, they were touched. Teaching in this way is just impossible, dad. I know you would be impatient with my complaining, you'd tell me "that's what you get paid for," but it really is. 

Then I told them that hoped they were okay with me going off topic, but I really felt this was an important lesson for them to learn, and I know that you would have thought so too. 

My Muslim Arab student said it was a perfect lesson because in Islam it is said that you shouldn't spend more money than you have and loaning with interest is frowned upon. 

So today's class had her blessing. 

I hope it had yours too.

I miss you so much Dad. 

.....