A Conversation with my Dad - May His Memory Be for a Blessing

    What's with you? 

    Hey, Dad. 

    Well...

    What? 

    I hear you cry all the time. You cried after a great work event your club had. You cried when your students performed Mama Mia. You couldn't muster a smile or follow along at your in-laws seder. You just cried now in the shower. What's with you? 

  Well, you know, you died, and it's been hard on me. 

    I thought that might be it. I knew it would hard on you. But Mama Mia? Dancing queen? And all that food at the seder? 

    Well...

    You should have gone to Chicago and South Bend for Passover. 

    What? 

    You would have been happier. 

    I don't know. The flights were outrageous. The entire trip would have cost about $13,000. It made no sense. And it just feels like extortion by the airlines.

    Are you having money problems?

    No.

    Are you paying off your credit card every month?

    Yes.

    Are you?

    Yes, Dad. Geeze. 

    You can ask your mother for money, if you need to. 

    I don't need money, Dad. 

    Why didn't your mom go to a seder? 

    She said she wasn't feeling well.

    If I had been there she would have gone. 

    Maybe, maybe not. 

    Goddamnit, I should have been there. 

    Nothing you can do about it. 

    Do you talk to her enough? 

    Probably not enough, but we Facetime and she Facetimes. 

    She can't hear the Goddamn Ipad. 

    She's okay, Dad. You'd be proud of her. 

    When are you going home? 

    When school gets out in June. 

    Are you going to help Eric? 

    If he lets me. He's like you - not a great delegator. 

    He and Caryn are so goddamn busy. 

    Did you hear about Lila? 

    Yes, how about that? I told her she'd get in. Those girls are something, aren't they? 

    I'm glad they saw you before you died. They really loved you. 

    You know why Ava loved me. Because she's smart. 

    Did you hear about Adam?

    I know about the job. Something else?

    He got a hole in one. 

    No kidding! 

   And R-Jay and Robin?

    Loving Phoenix. They get back a lot. They just saw Mom. 

    I'm so glad they moved there. Oh, nice job on the thank you notes. Not perfect, but better than your wedding and with your kids. They could have been more individualized, but at least they were well written. Too bad the Zoom got screwed up for my funeral. 

     How's Talia? 

    She's vacationing in Florida living it up. 

    My favorite employed granddaughter. Hey, nice try. 

    What?

    You changed the conversation. So, what's with you? 

    I don't know, Dad. They say these things take time. And no one has patience for a griever. And no one knows you here. I live my life in cognitive dissonance. 

    Whatever. How's my two favorite grandchildren in Israel? 

    They are great. We talk about you a lot. 

    Don't overdo it. 

    Okay.

    And Lior. 

    Doing well. He has a big trip coming up. He recently staffed with someone from Purdue. 

    They pissed me off in the tournament. 

    Yeah, IU didn't do much better. 

    Have you and your brothers kept your promises? 

    As many as we could, Dad. As many as we could. 

    I know. I knew you would. But you don't have to be so goddamn sad. I didn't think I was going to die that month, but I wasn't exactly a young kid either. 

    I'll work on it. Give me the 11 months.  I get 11 months. 

    Ranee? 

    Yes, Dad. 

    🎵♩Do you...  

     love me?  🎵♩

     🎵♩Yes, I... 

    love you.  🎵♩*

*When I was a kid, my dad and I would just sing those couple lines to each other sometimes in places of good night or goodbye. I remembered it as I was writing this. My dad adopted it from Fiddler on the Roof.