I'm not Oprah, but Here are my Favorite Things

Another day home with my master cougher so I thought I'd write an unusual blog post for me. These are items that I've purchased over the past couple of years that I really love as a mom of young kids. What would have made them even better is if I hadn't had to pay for them!

So I'm providing you with a list of these items. There is a caveat. Besides the books, the kids might not squeal with pleasure over these things. So if you need that affirmation, my list isn't for you. However, their parents will (might) be happy.

Books

1. The Gingerbread Girl

by Lisa Campbell Ernst
Run to get this book appropriate for preschool and up. It's our all time favorite.

2. The Piggy and Gerald Series

by Mo Willems

I dare you not to love these books. I double dare you. These books are good for preschoolers through first grade. 

3. Running Across America: A True Story of Dreams, Determination, and Heading for Home
McGillivray, Dave
The title says it all. Primary grades.

4. Just Ask!: Be Different, Be Brave, Be You
by Sonia Sotomayor
Also for primary grades. I read this to a class of first graders and they loved it. The book details people living with different challenges and describes them in a way appropriate for children. The kids loved it.

5. I Dissent
by Ruth Bader Ginsburg
We bought this for my daughter when she was in Kindergarten, but had I read it in advance I would have waited another year. The book is so awesome and inspiring.


Products

6. Natural Citronella Bracelets (not a specific brand)
This might be a weird gift for the holidays. However, my kids and I are mosquito magnets and use these all of the time during the summer and fall.

7. Trueocity Kids Toothbrush 4 Pack - Soft Contoured Bristles - Child Sized Brush Heads (3-10 year old) -
Yeah, if you get a kid toothbrushes for the holidays, they will probably hate you. However, their dentist will be happy.

8. Stainless Steel Lunch Box and Food Container set
and
LunchBots Medium Uno Stainless Steel Sandwich Container 

These items are a game changer for lunch and snacktime storage. They are also great to use as tupperware. 

9. CamelBak Eddy Kids BPA Free Water Bottle

Although it's annoying to have a water bottle that has parts to it, these hold up well in the dishwasher. Throw in some extra valves and straws. Good for ages 3 to 7. 

10. Mabel's Labels 

https://mabelslabels.com

Another game changer item. Buy stickers or a stamp with your kid's name on them. No more lost items. No more sewing in name tags. 

11. Ezy Dose Kids True Easy Syringe 2 TSP (10 ml) | Baby and Kids Liquid Medicine Dispenser | Infant Oral Syringe
Okay, I get it. This would be a really strange gift. However, little kids get sick. Some more than others. This product provides assurance that you are giving the correct amount of medicine

12. Physio Logic Fever-Bugz Stick-On Fever Indicator

Another weird one. But no kid likes their temperature taken. You just stick this puppy on their back, lift up their shirts, and you can see if they have a fever. I don't find the number to be all that accurate, but it helps me to determine whether or not to give my child a fever reducer. 

13. Munchkin Arm & Hammer Disposable Changing Pad - 30 Pack

When our kids were babies, we traveled on very long flights. These are very light weight and disposable, so it made our travel easier and a tad bit cleaner.

14. Paint with Water Books

This isn't a specific brand recommendation, but a type of coloring book that only requires the child to use water. It will keep them occupied for at least three minutes.

15. Sight Words Flash Cards

You need to know your "sight words" says every teacher ever. This is a great way to help out a little one to learn them. 

16. Dry Erase Workbooks

Remember when we were kids and you'd write in a workbook and then throw it away? Now there's dry-erase workbooks for kids to learn how to write letters, numbers, and more. You'll need to also buy dry-erase pens because there's no way that one pen is going to last more than a week. 

17. Crayola Washable Kids Paint, 10 Neon Paint Colors, 2oz Bottles, Gift

I'm not sure why these paints are better than any others, but I can tell you my kids love them. 

18. Microsocope for Kids or a Telescope for Kids

Schools are emphasizing science like crazy (STEM/STEAM). In addition, prior to school crushing their souls (not my school) kids still have a natural curiosity for life. These products enhance that curiosity. 

19. Sewing and Knitting Kits for Kids

Look what's back in vogue. Learning to sew and knit is all of the rage now, particularly since kids have such poor fine motor skills. Let them tack a crack at it. It might become a useful skill or a way to wind down from this crazy world. 

20. Disposable Children Placemats Stick-on Table

Admittedly, not great for the environment, but these are lifesavers if you are traveling and need to feed your kid in places that just aren't that clean. 

I hope this list was helpful. The cougher is napping, but I need to wake him up. Have a happy holiday season. 

What's really behind the Dolores-Jackie conflict on the RHONJ

I watch five shows on Bravo. One of them is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I mostly watch as a form of escapism, and as a way to turn off my brain and focus on something totally superficial. However, sometimes I find the character arcs provide fascinating studies in human behavior, sociology, and psychology.

The last two episodes of the RHONJ delivered on all fronts, and I'm wondering if the editors crafted the storyline purposefully.

If somehow you don't know, the docudrama films several women from New Jersey who are wealthy. The women get paid fairly well to get into conflicts and attract Twitter followers. The motivation also is to have 20-something minutes a week for 21 weeks to promote whatever product the person is pushing at the time. Examples include a clothing store, cookbooks, a husband's plastic surgery practice, etc. Sometimes there's a charitable aspect to the promotion when the woman champions a philanthropy and the event is center stage for some ratings friendly drama. 

The conflict that is intriguing me is the one between Dolores Catania and Jackie GoldSchneider. At a dinner during a trip to Jamaica, it is revealed and confirmed that Dolores does not like Jackie. It's a rather rude admission based on the fact that Jackie is not Dolores's "cup of tea." Nor is she "cut from the same cloth" as Dolores and her friend Teresa Giudice.

However, when you examine the conflict closer, it is not over culture or the way each were raised. Instead it is over something they have in common: an eating disorder or at the very least an over-preoccupation with weight. Jackie, as we were told last season is a recovering Anorexic. You can practically hear the director telling the cameraman to focus in on her barely eaten plate. Jackie, the child of Jewish liberal professionals, is a writer (the show has helped her writing career), smart and sensitive. 

Dolores is tough as nails. She lives with her ex-husband and father of her children. Together they rehab houses, run a gym and have a frequent-customer card at a nearby a spray tan place.

While it's understandable that these two might not have a lot in common, what's causing conflict is their shared eating disorder. Dolores calls her ex-husband Frank to complain about being fat. She talks about being fat on the beach. She wears a cover up while her friends flaunt their bodies. She looks physically uncomfortable trying to hide whatever imperfection she perceives.

Indeed, while Jackie has addressed her issue through a dietician and therapy and admits to having a problem, Dolores languishes in self hatred. (By the way, Dolores looks great. She's very fit). However, often the parts of ourselves that we don't like are the parts in others that we find the most irritating and unbearable. Dolores hates Jackie's vulnerability, sensitivity, honesty, openness and intelligence. These very qualities Dolores wishes she could access, but can't. So what does she do? She is mean and acts like a classic bully, even imitating Jackie's voice like my preschool-aged son does. 

I hope as the season goes on, Dolores addresses her own food and body demons and apologizes to Jackie. I hope Dolores learns to love herself. 

I hope you haven't judged me too much for writing this. :) 

Wanted: Holocaust Cybereducators

Please read my post that was published in eJewish Philanthropy a few months back. 

https://ejewishphilanthropy.com/wanted-holocaust-cybereducators/

Free Free Set Them Free

I am a guest in Israel and hesitate to comment on the Israeli elections. But I do have what to say, and I hope that I won't have a problem getting back into the country.

In education we talk a lot about norms of collaboration. One of those norms is to assume good intentions. For the purpose of this blog post, I am going to assume that the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, has always had good intentions during his tenure as the leader of this complicated country.  I believe that there is nothing more that Netanyahu loves than Israel. There is nothing more important to him that the State and its inhabitants. He has two focuses - to ensure that the Jewish people will never suffer another catastrophe like the Holocaust, and that the Jewish state will be a hub for innovation and investment.

Netanyahu 💝Israel.

But as the wise man Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner said, "If you love someone, set them free."

The word free has a double entendre here. Another reelection of Netanyahu is not good for a free society. There is no Israeli law to dictate term limits so Netanyahu must do what's in the best interest of his people and cede power to the number two in Likud, Yuli Edelstein. Then see what the Israeli electorate decides. By continuing to hold power, Netanyahu is becoming an electoral authoritarian leader which is degrading Israel's standing as a democratic state. He is enabling an addiction and capitalizing on fear that no one else can lead. However, he's wrong. They can and they will.

The government, the military, and the people of Israel will keep it safe. You have given enough, Mr. Prime Minister. It's time to give Israel the biggest gift of all, entrusting your country's democracy to a new crop of leaders.

Books

When I was pregnant with both of my children I experienced terrible insomnia. The sleeplessness wasn't from the discomfort of pregnancy, but rather this constant feeling of manic energy that I had from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. I couldn't take anything for it, so I had to suffer with the echoes of medical professionals and other women saying unhelpfully, "It will pass when the baby is born." These were the same people who said equally unhelpfully, "Sleep now. You'll never sleep well again."

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I would sit on the red el shaped couch in the living room watching shows on TLC. Little did I know that this kind of trashy network would help me solve a big problem in my life.

I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment in Chicago for 6 years until my boyfriend who became my fiance who became my husband moved in. The master bedroom was mine (ours) and the guest bedroom belonged to my books: five bookcases overfilling with books. I needed to get rid of those books before my daughter was born, but I couldn't.

I started collecting the books immediately after I moved into the condo after a failed engagement. I brought books from my parents house. I bought books at used book stores. I'd never pass a Barnes and Noble without buying several books.

When people would enter the second bedroom, they would say, "Wow, that's a lot of books." Whether that statement was uttered with admiration or trepidation didn't matter. I was proud of my collection and the idea of parting with it was painful.

Which brings me to TLC and being six months pregnant and not sleeping.



I would watch a double header of "My 600-pound life" and "Hoarders." My husband suggested that perhaps watching those shows was making it more difficult for me to fall asleep. I knew he was right, but I couldn't stop watching.

The episodes had the same pattern, kind of like Law and Order, but with real human beings. There was the shock of seeing the person or home, followed by the interviews with friends and family, inevitably there would be an enabler, then an intervention, followed by medical or psychological intervention, ending in a resolution of no more hoarding or weight loss. Inevitably, there would be a set back at some point, but hopefully the person was on the road to recovery.

I would listen as each therapist in each part of the country that would be contracted by TLC or the producers would say that the hoarded item or food represented an emotion or more accurately a repressed emotion. Therapy would involve addressing those emotions. Often the people on the show had suffered some horrible trauma. After the shows I would Google the subjects of the episodes to see if there was an update. TLC would have something on their web site for certain and sometimes local news outlets would cover the person being featured.

To be clear, I wasn't a hoarder nor was I 600 pounds. However, the shows made me realize that the books represented much more than their title pages.  So what was their purpose.

• They filled a void during the several years between my broken engagement and meeting a new partner. They were there for me as relationships with the opposite sex proved unreliable. 
• They were a sign of my baggage for future partners or friends. You may like me, but just so you know, I come with a lot of books. 
• They covered up insecurities.  "I may not seem that intellectual, but I am because see, I have lots of books."
• They would be there in case of some apocalyptic type scenario. If it was the end of the world, at least I would die with my books. If I needed to be hidden or hide someone, like Anne Frank and Miep Gies, there would be all of these books to read to keep my mind  (or the mind of the person I was hiding) off of the impending doom. 
• As a child, I was a voracious reader. I read at meals, college basketball games, in the car, and at the store. I used books to disassociate and they never let me down.  

At 3 a.m. Central Time, with the baby kicking my ribs, I realized that I was ready to give up the books. I was married to a wonderful man who wouldn't let me down and accompany me until the end of days. And even if for some reason things didn't work out with him, or something happened to him, the books wouldn't be able to help me. I would need to help me.

Slowly, I began ridding myself of the books. I gave them to friends and acquaintances. Eventually, though, they needed to be boxed up. A charity picked them up. I sold the book shelves to a medical student. My husband helped him carry them to his car.

Today I live in a different apartment in a different country. I own very few books and mostly read on a Kindle. However, my kids' rooms are filled with them. They are  like the mezuzahs* on the doorposts of their rooms. They can't hurt. And in this crazy world, I want them to have all of the extra protection they can get.

This is an example of a  Mezuzah. It is supposed to be on every door post in your home, except the bathroom. 

This story is dedicated to my good friend Doda Jojo who has been my mezuzah for several years now. 

Gun Violence and Mental Illness

I've seen a lot of impassioned posts on social media since the El Paso and Dayton tragedies decrying the notion that mass murderers are mentally ill. The argument is that mental illness does not cause this behavior and to suggest that it does unfairly and unnecessarily stigmatizes those with mental health diagnoses.

I disagree, but first let me show you a post I recently liked on Facebook.

So why would I "like" a post if I disagree with its premise? Ms. Campoamor has a point. I know many people who struggle with their mental health (more people who struggle than who don't struggle, in fact), and I do not believe any one of those people would commit a massacre. 

However, to say that many if not all of these shooters are/were not mentally ill is just as illogical as saying "Guns don't kill; people kill." True, your average anxious, depressed, eating disordered, bipolar self harming man or woman will not commit violence in his or her lifetime does not mean that the people who do aren't mentally ill. The common cold and terminal cancer are both illnesses, but they are not the same illnesses and do not have the same outcomes.  Yet, they are still both sicknesses.

Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook monster, was according to Dr. Harold Schwartz, chief psychiatrist at Hartford Hospital’s Institute of Living who investigated him after the tragedy, “'completely untreated in the years before the shooting' for psychiatric and physical ailments like anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and was also deprived of recommended services and drugs...also...undiagnosed anorexia could have affected his mental state..he showed signs of 'severe and deteriorating internalized mental health problems.'"

It is true, people we know with OCD, anxiety, and/or anorexia do not become mass shooters, there is no doubt, according to Dr. Schwartz that "It’s not that his mental illness was a predisposing factor in this tragedy...it was his untreated mental illness that was a predisposing factor.”

In efforts to bring attention to the scourge of toxic masculinity, white supremacy, and gun proliferation we cannot ignore the role mental health plays in these tragedies just because it does not suit our narrative or our own identities. This line of thinking parallels NRA talking points that they have hundreds of thousands of members who own assault rifles who do not commit mass shootings.

After these tragedies, which are becoming more and more frequent, people come together to support the victims and communities. We need to come together to find ways to prevent gun violence. Let's not take anything off the plate, including a focus on improving access to mental health care, so that we can feel at ease attending a festival, going to Walmart, and teaching in our classrooms.

Source for the the information on Adam Lanza. 

Semantics, the Holocaust, and suffering children at the border

I apologize if this sentiment has already been written. I’m having trouble keeping up with the 24-hour news cycle.

On June 18, NY Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D) tweeted: The U.S. is running concentration camps on our southern border, and that is exactly what they are. If that doesn’t bother you … I want to talk to the people that are concerned enough with humanity to say that ‘never again’ means something.
On June 19, Yad Vashem (Israel’s Holocaust Memorial) tweeted back: “Concentration camps assured a slave labor supply to help in the Nazi war effort, even as the brutality of life inside the camps helped assure the ultimate goal of ‘extermination through labor.’ Learn about concentration camps."

By June 20, the internet was arguing whether or not the word “concentration camp” was appropriate or not. The yes camp argued what is the point of “never again” if the language of the Holocaust can’t be used to describe the conditions of asylum seekers. The other side wrote that this term is only for what happened in the Holocaust era Concentration camps, and this is another example of Representative Ocasio-Cortez (ACO) being ignorant or worse, antisemtic.

Over the weekend, the internet argued that the semanticians were being ridiculous and not really care about the situation on the border. The other side said that they agreed, they just didn’t like the word “Concentration Camp.”

Here is what's happening:

A chaotic scene of sickness and filth is unfolding in an overcrowded border station in Clint, Tex., where hundreds of young people who have recently crossed the border are being held, according to lawyers who visited the facility this week. Some of the children have been there for nearly a month.

Children as young as 7 and 8, many of them wearing clothes caked with snot and tears, are caring for infants they’ve just met, the lawyers said. Toddlers without diapers are relieving themselves in their pants. Teenage mothers are wearing clothes stained with breast milk.

Most of the young detainees have not been able to shower or wash their clothes since they arrived at the facility, those who visited said. They have no access to toothbrushes, toothpaste or soap.

“There is a stench,” said Elora Mukherjee, director of the Immigrants’ Rights Clinic at Columbia Law School, one of the lawyers who visited the facility. “The overwhelming majority of children have not bathed since they crossed the border.” (New York Times)

…..

So who is right? Do semantics matter? I would argue that they do, but of course they shouldn’t be the focal point of this particular issue. Nevertheless, when Ocasio-Cortez (D) misuses language, she creates these arguments which then distract from the cause in which she is fighting. It’s also hard to argue that language doesn’t matter, when I spend so much time trying to speak to people in a way that will not offend them to honor their identities. I don’t see how people who claim to be liberal can’t see that using the wrong word for the place where suffering children are being held is not important.

So what is the right word or words?

I think it should be called “The United States Child Neglect Abuse Center” This is the place where children are not given enough to eat, proper medical care, basic hygiene, education, often separated from their parents, without access to fresh air. 

This is the place where Lady Liberty goes to cry tears asking what has become of our country? What has become of us?

Read more about the conditions that these children are living in here.

Keep Your Guns, Keep Your Life

Every morning I wake up in Netanya, Israel, pick up my phone and click on the New York Times app. Lately, I find myself holding my breath with anxiety before I do in anticipation of another mass shooting. I relax a little bit because now many US schools are already on summer vacation. However, I wonder if it will be another synagogue, church, night club, or disgruntled employee at a business who decides to murder innocent people.

This morning did not “disappoint” as I read that 11 city government employees and one man filing for a permit were gunned down by a disgruntled employee (I’ll have to amend my mental checklist of places for people to be massacred.)

If you are still reading, don’t fret. This is not an anti-gun, antiNRA piece. I understand that to many Americans guns are more important than anything or anyone else. I also understand that I’m never going to understand those people.



March for Our Lives protest in Houston, Texas, in March. Photograph: Alyssa DuPree

But if gun-loving Americans do not demand gun control laws, then we at least have to address how we avoid these mass killings. The crossover between Pro Life and Pro Gun must be high (I couldn’t find the statistics during my 30 second Google search). Let’s help people live and keep their guns:

The United States is going to need to adopt the same measures that are put in place in Israel. I’m not someone who is going to tell you that Israel is soooo much better than everywhere else. However, say what you want, Israel cares about the safety of its citizens (and has strict gun control, but nevermind). In Israel there are metal detectors and armed security everywhere, and I mean everywhere. At my school alone, we have up to four armed guards at one time. At many government agencies, you can’t even enter with a small bag just to ensure that there’s no contraband.

Putting security everywhere will create a boon for private companies who produce metal detectors and can offer employment opportunities for unskilled workers or retirees looking to supplement their Social Security. Sure, you’ll never be able to enter a Target or Costco again without having someone search your bag and being exposed to radiation, but at least you won’t die buying deodorant. However, the cost of your 24 rolls of toilet paper will go up as these costs are passed on to the consumer. Perhaps the NRA can help subsidize the cost of security?


I am going to be in the Midwest this summer. I will be asked by many people, “Isn’t it scary living in Israel?” This is the first time I will be able to look everyone in the eye and say it’s way safer here than in the US.

I hope to hear this chanted at the Republican and Democratic National Conventions in 2020:

“Keep your life. Keep your guns. Metal detectors are good and fun.”

Until then, perhaps I should just go straight to the crossword instead of reading the news.

In memory of the victims of the Virginia Beach Massacre .

The last night of winter vacation

It’s the last night of winter vacation,
tomorrow we must return to school.
Remember the kids whose vacations were filled with nothingness or worse yet trauma.
Remember your colleagues whose personal lives are filled with drama.
Remember the kids whose parents decided Christmas was the best time to announce their impending divorce.
Remember your colleagues drowning in ungraded papers and unplanned lessons frozen with the fear of never being enough.
Reach out to the kids whose lunches weren’t packed.
Bring extra for the colleague whose credit card is maxed.
Give solace to the one rejected from college and to the one who got in but can’t afford to go.
Support the colleague asked not to come back next year who must put on a brave face until June.
Give the cheater, the liar, the faker a second chance.
Don’t demand the colleague who's struggling emotionally to chaperone the dance.

It's going to be really hard for them to put away their phones. If what you are teaching is worth learning, then lovingly make them. 

It's going to be really hard for them to put away their phones. But their lives aren't what they portray on social media. Adult life is messy. Ask how they really are.  

Only if we care for one another can our school be centers of growth and learning.
Tomorrow for whom will you care and who will care for you?

If Not Peter Beinart

In Peter Beinart's hyperbolic piece Birthright Will Fail..., he makes the claim that unless the Israel trips include the Palestinian perspective, liberal Jews will stop going.

While the criticism that Birthright should include the Palestinian narrative is a fair one, the conclusions he draws are ill informed or wrong.

He claims the coming demise of Birthright can be seen with the 22 participants who walked off or were kicked off the trip since last summer. This number really isn't that significant. We are literally talking less than 1/2 a percent. I wouldn't call that a movement but a blip.

This isn't Birthright's problem to solve. 

Also, the participants walking off the trip aren't protesting Birthright; they are protesting "the occupation." They do not care about how fair the program is. I would guess that they would still protest even if Birthright spent half their time in the West Bank -- if there was still an occupation. If Not Now and the British group he mentions have political agendas, right or wrong. Hijacking a Birthright trip is their best way to get publicity. They know that the walk offs will be dramatic, selfied, and covered by the Jewish and some of the Israeli press. Their gripes have nothing to do with Birthright itself, nor can Birthright solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.

As for his suggestion that all trips meet with young Palestinians, that may prove to be difficult. While it would definitely possible to meet with Israeli Arabs (who identify as Palestinian) many young Palestinians from the West Bank would be shunned or worse for speaking to a group of Jews. I attended one of the programs that he mentioned in his article. We couldn't publicize the names of at least two of our young Palestinian speakers because it would put their lives in jeopardy.

If Birthright is not colluding with the Israeli government to subjugate Palestinians, then why isn't the conflict addressed properly on the trips?  Beinart mentions the funders. He's not totally wrong. Many funders don't love when a speaker disparages Israel. However, the biggest issue is that the guides are not equipped to facilitate this complicated conversation. They are tour guides. Some of them are great educators. However, many are also nationalistic (that's why they became guides of Israel) and not that familiar with the Palestinian narrative themselves (It's not taught here just like the Jewish narrative is not taught there.) They aren't trained to talk about the conflict in a meaningful manner or to deal with hot button issues. I will use his America approach. Imagine going on a trip to America and a liberal guide being asked to talk about the positive attributes of the NRA and why the Pro Life movement has a point. How many self-defined liberal could actually do that?

Logistically, it is also problematic. It can be very difficult, if not impossible, to get permission to go into Area A of the Palestinian Authority for an Israeli. Even if a person has never lived in Israel, but is an Israeli citizen, he/she can be refused entry to Area A.  Many Birthright participants are Israeli even though they have never lived in Israel.

So, sorry Peter Beinart, Birthright isn't and shouldn't be the address for learning about this complicated issue. There are other addresses, and participants should be encouraged to seek them out. If a the funders of Birthright decided to prioritize this, it would require a lot of funding, training, and 10 more days.