I mention this because typically after winter break I get a surge of energy to drive home with the kids and begin packing, doing laundry, and cleaning. Only yesterday, I had that same feeling that comes over me many days - upset stomach, fatigue, nausea, and other problems. I managed two hours of cleaning out my son's closet to find the clothes that fit him, but that was all I had to give. By 4 p.m. I was in bed ceding the process to my very capable husband and kids.
My specific malady is most likely, I would say most definitely, from a surgical complication that occurred last March I did my 20th deep dive while in bed, and there's likely nothing to do. I even looked at medical trials. (If you have Chrones Disease, which I don't, Israel is the place to be!) Cue my husband who will ask me where I got my medical degree.
After searching the web to see the latest research (not reddit, like real research, okay reddit too), I started the scroll of doom. I won't tell you what was there in case you read this piece at a another time and place, I don't want to remind you about this week, but it was an awful week that won't make the history text books, if there are history text books in the future, but was so terrible that it probably changed our DNA. Our world is one big earthquake with aftershocks and tsunamis followed by more earthquake, aftershocks, and tsunamis. Only all of these disasters are man made. The only reason I don't collapse is because I have children. And I decided when I had children that no matter if I was sick or sad, I would make a happy life for my children.
I woke up at 3 a.m. with a pain. It went away. And then I woke up and 6 a.m. ready for the day.
"You okay," my husband said.
"Yup," I said. "Thanks for taking care of the kids and getting everything ready."
He had done everything except packed for me and cleaned. I finalized those small items, and we headed for our 60th cross continental flight.
The surgery I had was the result of a condition that took three years to diagnose. To get the final diagnosis, I had to lie to the doctor and say I never had one diagnostic test in order for him to even see me. He diagnosed me within seconds. When I told him I had lied to him, he asked to see the diagnostic test. He said that the radiologist had misread the scan. I tried a less complex surgery, initially, to treat the problem, but the results were temporary, about a year. One day I will talk more directly about the initial medical condition. I just don't feel like it. I hope that's okay.
The original medical condition made me very, very sick in that the pain was awful, and I lost 20 plus pounds. Everyone thought I looked amazing. Now I look less amazing. The current medical complication has resulted in weight gain. I joke to people it's because I got hungry. But to be honest, I eat very little. Perhaps because I don't feel well, I'm not moving much. I am trying not to get above one number, but I've gained13 pounds since my lowest weight. Now those beautiful new clothes I bought don't fit anymore. My dreams of being a middle aged, no, oldish five food model will have to be realized in another lifetime.
We arrived at the airport. For the first time in three years, there was "only" one "Bring Them Home:" Sign, Ran Gvili is assumed to be killed and his remains are in Gaza. It was reported that the 24-year-old police officer was killed while trying to defend Kibbutz Alumim on October 7, 2023, before Hamas took his body. For the past two years we'd walk down the departures hall carrying the weight of the hostage families with us wherever we went. My husband asked me if I felt relieved that the signs were no longer there. I said that they were there, even if they weren't there. Had everyone come back alive, had most of them come back alive, had October 7 never happened, it would have been a different story.
In two years, in Gaza, the West Bank, Israel, and Lebanon, more than 100,000 humans were killed. No, they aren't all equal. Babies aren't the same as terrorists and dancing twenty somethings are't the same as soldiers. I teach AP Euro, and as I teach a massacre from the 1600s, I can't help but think how little we have evolved.
We have our traditions at the airport - what we eat, where we eat, what we buy. The kids buy candy that I don't allow ordinarily. I treated myself to some old school Watermelon and Apple Nerds. It was time to board. We went through our fifth security check and then as we got on the airplane, score, both of the rows that we were sitting in had an open seat.
My kids were surprisingly generous with their candy. I had a few pieces from each of them and downed a bunch of Nerds.
In the row next to us sat a young woman at the window. I'm going to name her Madison. Madison was cute, brunette, wearing the sweatpants all young women ages 16-25 wear. They wear them to school to bars to bed and to the airplane. If I sound judgy I'm not. I approve.
A couple of minutes later a tall young man, the same age as the young woman, with dark hair and glasses sat on the aisle seat. They began talking. I'm not sure who started the conversation. I was just impressed they didn't immediately turn to their phones to avoid human contact.
I'm going to name him, too. I happy to report upon first impression Carter did not seem like a bruh nor a nerd.
"Check it out," I said to my daughter. She took off her headphones showing her tongue blue from candy. "We have a potential love match over there."
She looked to the right and smiled and went back to Stranger Things. I make her take a break after every episode and read. My son is sitting with my husband so he's playing half a day of Madden.
What I didn't tell her was that when I was 20 I met a boy on an airplane. I don't remember his name, so let's call him Thomas Jefferson. It was Thanksgiving. I was spending the semester at American University. I was flying from DC to South Bend. I don't remember the route, but I do remember that it was a flight with huge delays, incredible turbulence, thunder and lightning, and fireworks. (I should tell her so she can say, "Oh Mom!")
During one of the bumpy parts of the flight, Tommy and I held hands. During another part Tommy held me. And during another part, well, we kissed passionately. To be 20! He was a student at the University of Virginia. I would only be at American University for a few more weeks and then I would be returning to Indiana University. Tommy said he would come visit two weeks after Thanksgiving.
Now, this was before cell phones. There was email and land lines in the dorm room. I spent no time in my dorm room. I had an internship at a magazine, went to school full time, and worked at Starbucks (when it was a great place to work. Twenty hours of coffee training - we learned about coffees from all over the world and how to taste the differences). I also went out almost every night.
I did not actually think Tommy would visit me. But the two weeks after Thanksgiving I received an email, "you busy tomorrow?"
Part of me was excited, but part of me was panicked. It's one thing to kiss Tommy passionately on an airplane. It's another to have a stranger visit you in your dorm room.
I wrote him, "Are you coming with anyone?"
He wrote back a few hours later. "Yes, my friend's girlfriend goes to Georgetown. He goes up there all the time."
Okay, great. It took the pressure off of me.
He arrived on Friday at about 4 p.m..It was December and already very dark out. I lived on a coed floor (which was a shock when I arrived the prior August) and a few of the guys on the floor were a bit protective when he arrived.
John, Adam, and George were in their room playing cards. John, who was from Phlily, attended Lehigh, and said my name with this great accent yelled, "All good Sharns?
"All good," I said.
"Ya mean it, Shahna," Adam, a native of Boston said,
"I mean it as much as I mean Boston College Football team sucks," I answered. The boys laughed. "What do you want to do?" I asked Thomas Jefferson.
He looked at my roommate disappointingly. My roommate was Charlotte from Paris. She had stopped speaking to me a couple of weeks prior. I had no idea why, but unlike my usual nature of needing to please everyone all of the time, I didn't care. I only had about 10 days left in DC, and I wasn't going to spend it on an Unsolved Mystery.
"Do you want to go on a walk?" he asked."Sure," I said.
So we walked all over DC. It was hard to get back into the initial chemistry of the plane. He seemed very nervous. My legs started to feel weak, and not from love. I had opened Starbucks that morning at 5:30 a.m. Finally, Tommy and I stood before Washington Memorial. It did look beautiful at night.
"Can I kiss you," he asked.
"Sure," I answered. Yes, the passion was back. Only to be honest, I really wanted to be sitting, but there was no where to sit. My legs were tired, he was very tall, and it was December - I was freezing. I decided to put my hands in the front pocket of his jacket. As I did, my hands were cushioned what by seven condoms.
Now, you might be thinking, "what a responsible young man." And of course, you're not wrong. But for me, someone who wasn't planning on having sex with him, (smooch or no smooch, I had just met him on a plane), I started to panic.
"I see you found my plans for us for later," he said. "Where is your roommate staying?"
"I didn't ask her to stay somewhere," I said. "I can't really do that. It's her room."
"What do you mean you didn't ask her?" he asked. "Where did you expect me to stay?"
"I guess I hadn't thought about that," I said, truthfully. "I thought we'd cross that bridge if we got there."
"If we got there," he said. "Why did you think I came here?"
"Well, I hadn't thought about it, but I guess I you thought erroneously that you were getting laid," I responded.
"Good word," he responded.
"Thanks," I said.
"Let's head back," he said.
We walked to Constitution and Independence and he said, "Hey, I'm going to catch a cab and meet up with my friend. I think he's having trouble with his girlfriend."
What's funny about his comment is that when young people do this today, they can look at their phone and pretend to receive a text with the distressed roommate lie. In the 90s, Tommy wanted me to believe he was telepathic.
"Tommy, you are at liberty to go if that's what makes you happy," I said.
He hugged me, the condoms crunching in his jacket as we embraced.
I waited for him to catch a cab. Now let's say there was board game "Life" for 20something Girls. Here are your choices:
What is worse? You are a 20 year old guy. You are
a. expecting sex from your 20 year old date and then bail minutes after finding you aren't having it.
What is worse? You are a 20 year old guy. You are
a. expecting sex from your 20 year old date and then bail minutes after finding you aren't having it.
b. leaving your 20 year old date in the middle of DC at night in the dark while you catch a cab.
I took the Metra to Tenley Town. My roommate wasn't there. I put in my Rent CD and sang every word from beginning to end. She never did come home that night. I was happy because she snored.
I took the Metra to Tenley Town. My roommate wasn't there. I put in my Rent CD and sang every word from beginning to end. She never did come home that night. I was happy because she snored.
....
I nudged my daughter to check out Andy and Maddi sitting closely together watching the view as we took off.
"Mom, you should watch a Rom-Com," my daughter said.
"I am!" I said and started singing, "It's a love story baby just say yes." My daughter put back on her head phone.
Andy took off his glasses. Maddi was laughing. The conversation never paused. So adorable. So cute.
But then I started to feel sick. Very sick. The Nerds. My daughter's candy. My stomach. I took advantage of the extra seat.
It was then that Maddi's and Andy's love story became my nightmare. Their airplane date was very, very loud and my bile was very acidic. I needed to try to sleep this trip away, Andy and Maddi were talking, and talking and talking. I took off my glasses and lay in the fetal position. Unable to see I asked my daughte quietly, "Does it look like they will stop anytime soon?'
"No, he just moved to the seat next to her," she said.
As soon as the seat betl sign was off, and it did not go off for a couple hours, my husband brought down my noise canceling headphones. I could still hear them. I fell in and out of sleep. I was still rooting for them, but also praying that perhaps they could schedule a date over Christmas Break and go to sleep.
I was feeling sicker and sicker. My daughter insisted I ask the flight attendant for medicine.
"If you don't ask, I will," she said in her authoritative 12-year-old voice.
I walked to the back of the plane and asked for Tums. I don't often have acid reflux, but I don't often eat candy on an empty stomach. The flight attendant told me to go to the back of the plane and ask the other flight attendants. One of them told me he could look through the first-aid kid for Alka seltzer and asked me to please not vomit on him because I looked green.
Alka Seltzer. I have never had Alka Seltzer. Alka Seltzer is from the 1980s.
He brought me the Alka Seltzer, I took it, and truth be told, it's the kind of thing when after you take it, you feel better within minutes. My daughter was right.
Alka Seltzer works by dissolving tablets in water and then drinking the water. Just as my water was fizzing, I was worried that Maddi and Carter were fizzling out. He moved back to his seat, and she was sitting in hers. They were both sleeping, but not cuddling.
Did she just get out of a relationship? Is he not looking for anything serious? Are they too shy?
"Should we play the song from The Little Mermaid, "Kiss the Girl?" I interrupted my daughter again.
"I thought you said that movie is sexist," my daughter said.
[Besides the movie beings sexist, I just looked up the lyrics to that song. They are kind of horrible. I even had changed them in my head to make them palpable.]
I wanted to end this post with Maddi and Andy holding hands, walking off the plane, but that only happens in movies (and to me when I was 20 years old). But there are still 4 hours and 20 minutes left in the flight, so you never know was might happen.
I do hope that at least they reconnect after the flight. When I was in bed yesterday, I read, like sanity, love is out of style.
I need to make a phone call.
"So, hi, it's um, I'm calling to dedicate this song to this cute couple that seemed to vibe on the airplane."
"We didn't use the word vibe like that when people dedicated songs."
"Yeah, well, I'm not as invested as I'm acting either."
"Okay, good. We were getting worried. What song would you like?"
"Well, it issss Friday so..."
