Facebook Privacy Changes

Given Facebook's change in guidelines on January 1, 2015, I declare that from this day forward any time I use a web site copiously, ignorantly, and for free, I agree to suffering the consequences until the unforeseeable future when I shall stop using said web site. If these posts were personal property, then I should keep them as such instead of constantly branding my virtual image to the world. However, it's too much fun and it's my only social outlet. (just kidding, not really #verylonely) Not to mention, this round of changes actually enhances my so-called privacy, not reduces it. However, if Mark is using my images for his ads, I hope he at least will Waze me the addresses of the billboards. Oh, right, Google bought Waze after it bought Blogger, three more free products I use that exploit my personal information.

I guess I need this little Waze guy to protect me.

Unreciprocated Rainbow

Today on my way to work, as a car was cutting me off, I saw a stunning rainbow. The rainbow followed me to school and was a magnificent site through the window of the Humanities teacher’s office that also serves as the school’s second-floor bomb shelter.  Sitting at this desk last week, I checked my Twitter account to learn of the terror attack on a synagogue in Jerusalem that left four dead as they said their morning prayers.

Meanwhile, Arabs in Israel are also being attacked, but by right wing Jewish nationalists. Over the weekend, some set fire to a home in an Arab village where two women were sleeping, but escaped.

The bad behavior on both sides seems to never cease. Eight and nine year old Palestinians in Jerusalem are being encouraged by their parents to skip school and throw stones and incendiary devices at Israeli police and soldiers.

Then looking at news from the United States, I was overcome with the horror of the UVA rape cases reported by Rolling Stone. Not to mention, the Congress’s desire to de-science the EPA. Meanwhile, I wonder if the United States was too naive in trying to make a nuclear deal with the Iranians.

…..

I remember at Jewish camp when I was nine or ten years old, we discussed the following: who will bring Messianic peace: God or people?  There was no one answer, but the idea (it was a Reform camp) was that our actions change the world and God might chip in, too. This was a bit different from the Orthodox Jewish school, I attended that taught God judges our acts of loving kindness, but has the final say on all matters.

As I’ve gotten older, I have found myself to be less religious. Perhaps that will change again later in my life. However, because of the longevity of today’s rainbow, I have been  contemplating the Biblical food story. After Noah spends 40 days on the ark, God promises him to never destroy the world again. The rainbow is a symbol of that covenant.

But now, 20 minutes into writing this, the rainbow has disappeared. And I’m wondering if the story would have had a better ending had Noah promised God the same. Instead, he goes off to plant vineyard, presumably to forget his time on the ark.

Fox News Panelists, Anchors and Experts need to stand up to racism, bigotry, sexism and slander

In our 24 news hour culture which promotes vile, so-called-discourse as a means of discussing controversial topics, there are those who are equally as culpable as the propagators of misinformation protected as expert opinion: the bystanders.

The bystanders are the other experts, panelists, or anchors who do nothing to challenge the opinions of their dangerous and inflammatory peers, but cheer them, remain silent, or offer meek retorts instead of speaking out against statements that are just plain wrong.

 I am going to provide three example of this, but it happens just about everyday where talk over substance is the mode of operation.

On an August episode of “Out Numbered,” the hosts were talking about congressional opposition to First Lady Michelle Obama’s nutritional standards in schools. One of the panelist, Fox’s medical expert whose name I don’t want to use because he has earned undeserved notoriety from this exchange:

 “What is (Michelle Obama) eating?” he asked. “She needs to drop a few."
 “You did not just say that!” co-host Harris Faulkner said while the other women had their mouths drop open.
“We’re taking nutritional advice from who?” the doctor opined. “Let’s be honest. There’s not Frenchs fries? That’s all kale and carrots? I don’t buy it.”

Then they continued on to other pressing matters.

Harris might deserve 1/8th of a point for at least saying something, but it was not nearly forcefully enough especially given that it is her show, and what is wrong with her co-hosts? Does the cat have their tongues? Even Harris’s meek response should have been replaced with a more resounding one, calling out the doctor (who is a psychiatrist, not a nutrition expert) for his slander of the first lady. By not doing so, she might as well have endorsed his views.

Because of the controversy of the segment, they invited back the good doctor and at least, thank God, stood up for themselves when he told the four women that in addition to Michelle Obama, they needed to lose a few pounds.

"I'll tell you what the bottom line is," co-host Sandra Smith said. "In future appearances, maybe think about what you're going to say before you say it."

"It thought about it this time!" the Good Doctor insisted. "Listen if I came here on the couch and had a drink and you smelled it on my breath, wouldn't you say, 'Hey, … what's going on?'"

"I wish you were drinking now because that would explain this crazy behavior," co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle lamented. "Hell, no, you didn't just tell a Puerto Rican woman she needs to lose five pounds."

Perhaps you are thinking, who cares, it’s just about the First Lady’s weight? However, this perhaps minor issue is one example, but there are many more. This brings me to another Fox News frequent contributor who I also won’t name, because he doesn’t deserve the praise he’s received from fascists from the following exchange on Fox’s “Cashin In.”

The topic at hand was ISIS and American Muslims. The contributor who will be referred to now as Miss Piggy (sorry Miss Piggy!) said:

“We should have been profiling on September 12, 2001. Let’s take a trip down memory lane here: The last war this country won, we put Japanese-Americans in internment camps. We dropped nuclear bombs on residential city centers. So, yes, profiling would be at least a good start. It’s not on skin color, however, it’s on ideology: Muslim, Islamists, jihadist. That’s a good start but it’s only a start. We need to stop giving Korans to Gitmo prisoners, we need to stop having Ramadan and Iftar celebrations in the White House. We need to stop saying the enemy is not Islamic. They are.”

The Japanese Internment is considered to be, next to murdering the Native American populations and slavery, the third worst thing the American government has ever done. The U.S. government apologized for interning the Japanese. It was horrible.

Now Miss Piggy is a financial analyst. Why is he commenting on international affairs? Because Fox News asks him to, that’s why. But what’s most troubling about Miss Piggy’s comments is that no one challenged them. The show has a host, Eric Bolling, and two other panelists who seemed to think was he said was perfectly fine. Miss Piggy did end up giving the definition of a half-hearted apology a week later. However, the panelists and Bolling never said a word.

How amazing would it be if Bolling had responded to the apology, "Thanks Miss Piggy. And I apologize to our viewers for not pointing out that your comment was inappropriate, callous, and had no added value when discussing ISIS."

Perhaps Bolling’s lack of response is no surprise giving his own idiotic “Boobs on the Ground” comment made about Major Mariam Al Mansouri, the UAE’s first female fighter pilot who led its airstrikes against ISIS at the end of September. Bolling also apologized, twice in fact, for his sexist comments crediting his wife and US female military members for helping him see the light. Who didn’t say much of anything: the other four panelists sitting at the table including the female reporter who so proudly reported on Major Mansouri.

I'm going to use cable news rhetoric now: To the bystander panelists and reporters, you are a joke. Perhaps journalism is mostly dead anyways on cable news channels, but if it’s not, you are hammering the nail in its coffin by not challenging slander, racism, and sexism on your shows. How do you look in the mirror every day? I guess it’s the pay check that helps you, because it’s certainly not credibility that’s getting you out of bed.

You know it’s a sad day in broadcast journalist when Ben Affleck is the star panelist from the past few months, calling out Sam Harris and Bill Maher for their “Islam is the problem” statements on Live with Bill Mauer. While the show is partially scripted comedy, like the Daily Show, Colbert Report, and the John Oliver Show, the writers and hosts are often more informed about the issues and appropriately reactive to them than many of the panelists and anchors of the  Fox News (?) Channel.

Here’s the exchange:  

Maher: But you're saying the idea that someone should be killed if they leave the Islamic religion is just a few bad apples? 

Affleck: The people who would actually believe in that you murder someone if they leave Islam is not the majority of Muslims at all...

Thank you Mr. Affleck for standing up to the host and his sidekick. Perhaps you could do a training at Fox News in between promoting Gone Girl and Batman.

Response to David Harris Gershon's "For a Moral World to exist, Israel must kill innocent Palestinians"

David, I just wanted to include this in the comments section, but the comments section of your article was closed.  I encourage everyone to read the article. It's very thoughtful and well written. David makes excellent points. My takeaway from it is that there is really never a moral war when civilians are killed. 

But there are details of your article that I just couldn't get on board with 100 percent. I'm having trouble getting on board with anything, honestly. I find myself responding emotionally to everything and very stressed about teaching my course "Middle East History" to Jews, Muslims, Bahai, Christians, Hindus from all over the world first semester. 

So, I turned to my Israeli husband, who I would describe as amazingly smart, thoughtful, liberal and perhaps most importantly, reasonable. I interviewed him about your article. He had read it before I did, not knowing it was you who wrote it.

This is written in the spirit of conversation and friendship, not as an attack on your ideas. I also don't agree with everything my husband says in this interview, but he makes good points. My thoughts are in red. 

I hope one day that we can all get together and watch The Daily Show. We've watched the clip from yesterday 10 times.
Air Strike after Unity Government was Announced

Educational Resources on Arab-Israeli Conflict, Middle East

If you are looking for resources on the Arab-Israeli conflict or the Middle East in general, please see below.

1. This is a very recent poll of Palestinians and their views on politics, religion and economy.  

New Palestinian Poll Shows Hardline Views, But Some Pragmatism Too 

2. This is a very recent poll asking people from different countries what they think the likelihood is of a two-state solution.

Mounting Pessimism about Two-State Israeli-Palestinian Solution http://pewrsr.ch/1lPzQvs
 
3. Another poll
How support in Muslim countries for suicide bombing against civilians has changed over time pewrsr.ch/TzKmfa

4. Another poll
Hamas viewed negatively in countries with big Muslim populations, even Palestinian territories pewrsr.ch/TzwhOQ

5. Another poll
Concerns about Islamic extremism on the rise in the Middle East pewrsr.ch/TzwhOQ

6. Good, cogent explanation of history of Sunni-Shia split 
ow.ly/y80LJ 

7. Forty maps that explain the Middle East 

The resources below are on the longer side. 

7. Have you ever heard that the Oslo Accords are to blame for everything? This is a nuanced explanation of the failures of Oslo that isn't filled with vitriolic rhetoric. I used this in my International Relations Class. (PDF)
Liberalism and the Collapse of the Oslo Peace Process in the Middle East by Jonathan Rynhold

8. I wish every single person in the world would read this book. It is read as part of our Middle East Studies Curriculum. It is the Palestinian and Jewish narratives of Israel/Palestine written by Israelis and Palestinians respectively. (BOOK)
 Side by Side: Parallel Histories of the Arab-Israeli conflict 

9. The following book is the best resource on the Middle East out there. I've been using it with students of all ages for 12 years. (BOOK)
The Middle East published by Congressional Quarterly

Selfies and Death Camps

Good evening!

I've had an article published in eJewish Philanthropy about the role of the educator on trips to Poland.

Click here to read it. Let me know what you think!

I've published a few articles there. Take a look if you are interested. 

The Bamba Challenge

It is 90 minutes before I will go pick up my almost 18-month-old from day care and I’m a bit stressed.  Or maybe stressed is too strong of a word, but a little tense. Every day after day care I take her to a park. I bring with me a sippy cup of water, a couple of rice cakes, and a cut-up apple, in case she gets hungry

At 5 p.m., almost every kid in Israel is at the park. It’s one good thing about living here: children rule the world and out-door play spaces are a priority. Within a half-mile radius, there are at least four huge parks, one in front of my building. But the best park is by her day care. It has the perfect playground equipment for her age and it also has some items that challenge her.

Here is what I am anticipating:

I will take her out of the stroller, she will run to go play, and this all goes well until I hear a pop and the smell of peanut butter. I will look at Maya, she will be looking at the bag of Bamba, and she will run to it, because she wants some.

Bamba, for those unfamiliar, is Israeli Cheetos but peanut butter flavored. It has been the staple of Israel children since ancient times, okay not ancient times, but the feeling among many Israeli parents is “Take away my Bamba, take away my freedom.”

My nemesis: the Bamba baby.

The eating of Bamba is seen even to represent the differences in Israeli and American society. The educational organization where I used to work used to say: When an American opens a bag of chips, they only open it to take one chip at a time and then to save some for later. When an Israeli opens a bag of chips or Bamba, they open it widely so everyone can have some.  Hence, Israelis are more communal.

And although for kids and teenagers, that is totally true, but for toddlers, it’s a bit different. First of all, I don’t know anyone else at the park. The second they hear me speak English to Maya, I am a foreigner to them. So, I’m not really comfortable with Maya grabbing Bamba from some other kid’s bag that she doesn’t know. Does the kid’s parent want Maya taking one? And let’s face it, who can just have one Cheeto? In the end, Maya will want more than one piece of Bamba and she doesn’t understand why that’s impolite, and one is all that she can have.  

And then all hell breaks loose. Yesterday, after moving her away from the Bamba, she had the mother of all tantrums. I ended up carrying her home from the park for a half-mile. Worse, she was hysterical and threw up the healthy snack I had given her.

So the obvious solution would be to just say screw it, and bring Bamba to the park today or not take her to the park.

I don’t want to not take her to the park. She goes to bed at 8:15, and if we come home at 5:15, she won’t have very much activity for three hours.  She needs the park. 

And about the Bamba. Bamba does have some nutritional value, but its ingredients are really not healthy and it has a lot of the "bad" fat in it. I’m not a crazy person about what my daughter eats. I know she eats Bamba sometimes at daycare, and I don’t flip out about it. Often times, I pick her up from day care and she has a cookie hanging from her mouth. I just choose to give her healthy snacks and meals, which by the way, she likes.

Because of my own difficult, lifetime struggles with food, I read a book called Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter. It has really helped me figure out how to feed Maya nutritionally without being obsessive or overly indulgent.

Dinner tonight; chicken breast, carrots, squash and sweet potatoes.

I just want her to be healthy.  

I just want her to be happy.  

We’ll see what today brings.

Hopefully it will not be Bambastic.

Disgusting coverage of L'Wren Scott suicide

 The media’s sensationalistic coverage of the suicide of L’Wren Scott , girlfriend of Rolling Stone front Mick Jagger, is simply irresponsible.

To suggest that Scott committed suicide because of business woes is beyond speculative and misrepresents the serious mental health issues she must have had to commit such a drastic act.

First of all, the theory is stupid because if Mick Jagger is your boyfriend, don’t you think she could have asked him for a bail out? Also, she could have declared bankruptcy. It’s not pretty, but it’s possible.  Her bankruptcy may have been a big deal in her world, but in 2013, there were over a million bankruptcy filings in the US (uscourts.gov).  Not all of those people committed suicide.

Mental health problems leading to suicide are extraordinarily complex,  mysterious and not understandable to friends, family or even mental health professionals. In the end, we will probably know what happened with flight MH370. There will be a conclusion to analyze in the Ukrainian-Russia crisis. But with suicide, you just don’t know exactly what caused or triggered such a desperate act.

And for the media to give credence to the speculation is damaging and sensational. Do you remember Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death? There wasn’t a lot of speculation as to why he turned to Heroin again. Why? Because he didn’t have ex-wives giving interviews so that they can have the attention that they once had when they were on the arm of a Rolling Stone.

Spending Five days in a Foreign Hospital with my Baby

A few months ago I wrote about a negative experience we had at an Israeli hospital. Writing negatively is often easier for me. I’m more impassioned about negative experiences. I don’t know if this is true for all writers, or if it’s just my personality.  I feel an inordinate amount of outrage oftentimes. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned out to deal with these feelings, and not be so controlled by them. I also have a partner in life who balances me out, and doesn’t get ruffled by much.

(Actually this positive story has a negative back story, but I’m not going to go into that, although I really, really want to).

On the day of my daughter’s first birthday, Friday, she came down with a cold. The cold did not improve and on Monday, she was sent home from day care with a fever.  I stayed with her on Tuesday. My husband stayed with her on Wednesday, and when I came home from work, we noticed she was breathing rapidly. She wasn’t wheezing, she wasn’t having trouble breathing, she was breathing rapidly.

It was already after hours for my doctor – cue negative story, which I’m not going to write about – and so I called my friend in the US of 20+ years, Dr. Jennifer Miller. 

Jennifer is not just a friend. She is a good friend. The best, really. She is always there if you need her, really always.  And she has always been there for me, amazingly, since high school. So I called her, crying I believe, and I asked her how many rates should Maya be breathing per minute.

She told me the number and Maya was almost double that.  So we took her to the ER. Where to go? Our last ER visit nearest to our apartment wasn’t good. We had taken her to Tel Aviv with an eye infection, that ER was pretty good. But we decided to go to Schneider Children’s Hospital in Petah Tikva.  The hospital has an amazing reputation, and we decided to go.

Being in any ER isn’t usually glamorous, but this ER was very chaotic and very busy with a lot of yelling.  We were put in a mini room fairly quickly, but getting her seen just took a long time. When she was seen, we wouldn’t hear from nurses or doctors for very long periods of time, even after she spiked 105 degree fever.

My husband kept reminding me that we were in a public hospital. If I wanted to go to a private hospital, it would be different. But we were in a public hospital. After 12 hours in the ER, I called my own doctor here and asked him if we were in a good place. He said, the best. So we stayed.

After 16 hours we were admitted.  My daughter was preliminarily diagnosed with RSV, a common respiratory infection that in a small percentage of 0-2 year olds that can be deadly.  Maya wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and she would need to either wear a mask or be under something that looks like a dog house – official medical term. 

By the way, there is an RSV preventative medicine (not exactly a vaccine, but vaccine like), but it's extremely costly and not offered, unless you ask for it. And then, you have to pay a lot of money (unless your baby is very premature).  Although the $25,000 our insurance shelled out for her hospital bill, probably cost them more.

I talked to my older brother, also a doctor,  also while we were at the hospital, and he said my niece had had this. She wasn’t hospitalized, but it was a bit of a long haul and wouldn’t be something that would go away overnight.  My parents said my other brother had this.

We went up to the seventh floor and she was examined by the chief resident.  A nurse led us to our room, and I was shocked. We would be sharing a very small room with two other parents and two other babies.  Maya and I would be sleeping with two strangers.

This is where I have to admit to being spoiled. I’m a spoiled person. I’m not a brat and I’m not a snob, but I am spoiled. I thought to myself, how am I going to do this?

There would be more. We were in charge of Maya’s vitals. We had to take her temperature in the hospital. We had to notify the nurse if her oxygen levels went down. There was no central command center per say receiving this data or reacting to it.  If she needed a bottle, we’d have to get it for her. If she needed Tylenol, we’d have to go ask for it.  If she wet her sheet, we’d have to go get a new one and change it.  Oh, and there was no t.v.

(For people who are not spoiled, this is not totally normal from where I’m from in the US. You may have to advocate, but you don’t really have to do anything, typically. And there are t.v.s)

After her first 24 hours in the hospital room, Maya was doing great. We wanted to take her home. The next chief resident and the attending doctor said, “no.” She needed a full 24 hours oxygen free, no exceptions.

So I went to the chief resident and said, “Do you really think she needs to stay?”

He said, “She is borderline for sure, but you should know this disease can work very fast and she can get very sick, very quickly. But you are not a prisoner, you can leave if you want.”

We decided hesitantly that she should stay.  I didn’t want to take a chance and knew that some of my desire to return home was based on my own discomfort with the language and the nurses. (Also, my husband offered to be there with her all of the time, but I refused to leave, and needed him to run errands and sleep at home.)

Most people in Israel speak English, but at the hospital most of the nurses didn’t. I am also really uncoordinated and was very nervous. I wasn’t doing things the right way, or the way that they wanted me to.  I was also very tired, and my Hebrew just wasn’t working. The nurse would say, “Ima,” and then all I could hear was blah blah blah blah blah.

And then there were my roommates: One family was Orthodox, one family was Ultra Orthodox. Also, I didn’t know who would be staying overnight, the mother or the father, so I wasn’t comfortable sleeping in a room with strange men, no matter how religious they were. But clearly, I didn’t have a say on whose mom or dad stayed.  I also was dreading Shabbat. I wanted to be on my computer or talk on the phone. I didn’t know if they’d say something or ask me not to.

However, Friday, Maya took a turn for the worse. She was totally lethargic, feverish and needed constant oxygen. Had we gone home, we would have come right back. My in laws came with food.

We got along with our roommates very well. Their babies also had RSV, as did three other babies on the floor. One of the babies had stopped breathing and had come to the hospital by ambulance. They were both about 6 months old. Maya was a little on the old side to be hospitalized with RSV, and it’s unclear why she reacted that way. I spoke with the other mothers in my broken Hebrew. They were very nice and our religious differences never mattered. On Shabbat, I’d answer the phone, but leave the room. They never asked me to do this, but I did. I used my computer and they never said a word.  One time, I needed to change Maya’s sheets and couldn’t manage holding her and changing the sheet at the same time – although they had no problem doing it with it with their kids. They helped me and told me to ask them for help anytime. It was religious pluralism so lacking here and in the U.S., thriving in a small hospital room.

After being there a few days, the nurse realized I hadn’t bathed Maya. I was reluctant to bathe her in the sink there. It just seemed gross. The nurse told me it wasn’t her job to help me bathe my daughter, but she would help me. She cleaned the sink and then spent the next long five minutes yelling at me about this or that. “Ima blah blah blah blah blah” I apologized for not understanding what she wanted, and she said it was okay.

By the way, nurses in Israel are extremely overworked and underpaid, more so than the US.  Starting nurses make about $19,000 here. There is also a significant nursing shortage, embarassingly so for a first-world country. The nursing care we received, with the exception of one nurse, was excellent. Also, the nurses do every thing, you don’t see a doctor very often, really only once a day.

On Sunday, Maya was doing better, and we were released by about 5 p.m. As I walked around the floor with her, I kept thinking how lucky we were, and thought of all of the parents and kids where the hospital was basically their home away from home, because their children were born with severe defects or had cancer or liver failure. All I could feel was gratitude, especially for the resident who convinced us to stay after the first 24 hours and the attending physician who demanded it. 

The resident was beginning his shift right as we were being released. I found him and thanked him.

He said, “You know, the next day at home I looked you up in the computer to see what had happened.”

 “I sort of figured you would,” I said.

So, it wasn’t the US, but Maya received excellent medical care. It wasn’t fancy, but they got her better.  And in the end, that’s all that matters.

And maybe, just maybe, I’m a little less spoiled.

Maybe.

Jewish Organizations are making terrible decisions re David Harris-Gershon

I’m very disheartened, dismayed and pretty much disgusted over the recent cancellations by Jewish communal organizations that had previously reserved my friend David Harris-Gershon to speak about his book.

David’s book is about a process of reconciliation that he went through with the family of the terrorist who tried to kill his wife.

To make a really long story short, the reason that they have cancelled his speaking events is because in July 2012 he wrote an article in Tikkun entitled: Today, I’m coming out in Favor of BDS (Boycott,Divestment, & Sanctions against Israel.)

Some of you might jump up and say, “Great, ban his ass.”

But I’m going to tell you why that’s not the right answer.

David has over and over and over and over clarified his position on the issue. He has most recently written in Haaretz after being banned by the DCJCC that he “views economic sanctions as a legitimate form of nonviolent protest for Palestinians to use, despite my opposition to some tactics used by the BDS movement and its implicit goal of a bi-national state.”

I don’t see why any Jewish organization or Jewish leader would not be okay with that statement, especially given the fact that when Palestinians used a violent form of protest, his wife paid a high price and their friends were murdered.  He is saying, “Go ahead, use a non violent form of protest to make your point” and I am adding, rather than setting off bombs and killing innocent civilians.

Why David felt the need to write that article in the first place, I really don’t know. But find me a politician who hasn’t changed his or her mind about something, or clarified a position, since July 2012.  Remember Barack Obama’s red line? Remember Netanyahu’s not-so-subtle support of Mitt Romney?  It happens all of the time, and I don’t know why executive directors or donors feel the need to ban someone like David from speaking about his book – which has nothing to do with BDS.

As David keeps reminding us, he is a Zionist and he is a Jewish studies teacher. I knew David and his wife during a period when they were becoming more observant. I hung out with David while he was at the West Bank Yeshiva. I went to their hippy Jewish wedding. I visited them a few months after the bombing in Jerusalem. I saw them when they lived in DC. David stayed at my place in Chicago a couple of times, once to visit a sick relative and the other to attend a conference on teaching Israel in the classroom. His wife came to my wedding reception 18 months ago. I can tell you with absolutely no hesitation that David has no inclination to destroy the state of Israel or the Jewish people. He will not convince the college students at Hillel to boycott Israel or Federation donors to stop giving their dollars to campaigns.  He will not make JCC members not want to attend a Yom Haatzmaut celebration.

He will tell the story of his book, sign a few copies, and offer a unique, tragic and hopeful perspective to the Israeli-Palestinian narrative.

I am finding it hard to swallow the bitter pill that the power players in the American Jewish community, a community in which I worked for 12 years as a Jewish educator sending thousands of people to Israel, can be acting so reprehensibly to one of its own.  It’s also just a big mistake. Every Jewish communal organization talks about “engagement, engagement, engagement.” No one, especially not Millenials, wants to be engaged by organizations resembling dictatorships with 501(c) (3) designations.

And the excuse of “unwavering for support for Israel” or “campuses are under attack” just doesn’t cut it when you are essentially ostracizing someone based on your own ignorance, rhetoric bulimia and lack of nuance rather than a true threat.

David is not harming Israel. Just ask the first Prime Minister of Israel, David Ben Gurion who said the following: The test of democracy is freedom of criticism.

Letter to my Daughter on her First Birthday

Dear Maya,

On the day you were born, after having contractions for two days, I woke up and my water was leaking. Even though you were only 35.5 weeks, it seemed like you were done hanging out and wanted to meet all of the people who love you. Your abba drove in heavy traffic to Northwestern University's Prentice Hospital. It took 45 minutes to drive five miles. 

You probably wanted out a little early because I had something called cholestasis of pregnancy.  My entire pregnancy I had a pain in my upper right quadrant and the last few weeks of your life, terrible itching on the bottom of my feet, my hands, arms and legs. Your abba and I kept saying that I was a chatul, which is Hebrew for cat.

He pulled up the car, walked us to their intake room. I waited as he parked, which is no easy task between 9-10 a.m.  Then we were sent to a triage to make sure that my water had really broken and it wasn’t something else.

The lovely nurse did the test and 15 minutes later she came back with the results. “You are having a baby today!” she said. Your abba and I both said, “Yeah!!!” and I started texting family and friends.

We were taken up to a delivery room and I was given petossin to move the process along.  On a side note, two other Israeli babies that we knew were being born on the same floor, but they pulled rank on you and were born on the 9^th.

Happily, my doctor, Dr. Moses, was at the hospital that day, and he came to check on me several times. My old friend Dr. Jennifer Miller was also at the hospital that day and she came to visit. Your Uncle R-Jay is an anesthesiologist at the hospital, and came to visit a lot.  Your dad was sitting at the table finishing a paper he had due that day for his history class. At some point, I think our entire family, mom, dad, Eric, was there visiting, too. Although this is where it gets a little fuzzy.

Later in the evening, my body wasn’t exactly doing what it was supposed to and I wasn’t progressing. At some point, your heart rate dropped and I was on my hands and knees on the bed with what seemed like 20 medical professionals in the room. It was very scary. Your heart rate went back to normal and from then on I wore an oxygen mask. I was a little scared, but I really had faith in the doctors. At this point it was evening and Dr. Moses had already gone home to take care of his three beautiful, smart kids; Dr. Starr was on duty. I had never met Dr. Starr before, but I liked her immediately because she exuded confidence.  She told me after the heart rate incident that if it happened again, there would be a good chance that you would be born by C-Section. I was okay with that, as my best friends and your Bubbie had all had C-Sections.  Dr. Starr did something though to help me progress, and it worked and I began to dilate faster. I was not quite fully dilated when your heart rate dropped again. A team of about 20 again came in and Dr. Starr looked me straight in eyes and said “this baby needs to come out now.” She took the forceps and after a few pushes, took you out.  Sometimes your mom thinks of things at weird times, and when she took you out I was thinking that I hope you would grow up to be as confident and competent in whatever you do as she was.

We didn’t know your gender and were excited to find out that you were a girl. You didn’t cry at first, but after a team of doctors worked on you for probably 30 seconds, maybe more,  you screamed! It was the best sound I have ever heard. 

Then I can’t remember who held you first, me or your abba.

We were taken to our room and you were declared healthy. You were five pounds, two ounces. You were a little small, but didn’t need any medical intervention. You were so cute and had the biggest eyes ever. 

Minutes old.

……

On the day of your first birthday, you woke up with those same eyes, only brighter, but you were also a little crabby. I changed your diaper and got you ready for school. After a bottle, you were your usually smiley self.

 I dropped you off, and you had a huge smile because you love the woman who takes care of you.  I went to work, but all day all I could think about was you.  I picked you up at 3:15.

Your Sabba and Savta came over at 4:30 and you and I got in the car at 4:45 to head to Jerusalem to spend some time with your Abba on Shabbat.  They came over to help on Saturday so I could get some rest (although I’m writing this while they are out on a walk with you).

Your Abba has been leading tours for 18 to 26 year olds and hasn’t been home in a month. You and I also just made a trip to and from the US, your third trip!!!! You already have 36,000 frequent flyer miles at age 1. We drove to Jerusalem. You slept the entire way. I used Waze and it took me down a road that had I actually evaluated, I would have avoided. First we stopped at our friends' house,  Yaniv, Dafi, Guy and Michael. They gave us some supplies we needed. Then we headed to meet your Abba at the hotel.

Your Abba had bought you a cake, and we were trying to figure out when to give it to you. It was already Shabbat, and although we aren’t observant, we didn’t want to bother anyone else.  We asked the hotel for dairy plates and went to a corner of the lobby with a candle and the beautiful cake that your father bought. Luckily, just as we were about to do the cake, our old colleague Sara Weiner came in and agreed to be our photographer. THANK YOU SARA.  We lit the candle and sang happy birthday.  You, me and your Abba blew it out and wished for you a healthy, happy year. 

Your father had to take care of some business and I went to eat with his group: 40 college students from Brown University and 7 IDF officers. This was an apropos way to spend your birthday, because your dad and I met on one of these trips!!!!

The Brown students were so sweet and loved you. You were flirting with them like crazy. Your abba and I didn’t know this, but they planned a surprise. They had the hotel bring out a piece of cake for you with a sparkling candle. All 50 of them sang happy birthday, and well, you started screaming and crying. The right word is whaling. It was a little too much for you, but I was impressed by how sweet they were and thanked them profusely. This is a credit to them but also to your abba, who everyone loves as their tour guide.

Maya, this is definitely not how I envisioned my child's first birthday. I would have thought of a big celebration with other kids, cake, balloons, my parents, brothers, their wives, your American cousins.  Next week you will have that kind of celebration with your Israeli cousins, and I'm sure it will be beautiful, there will be an awesome cake, and the food will be delicious. 

But on the day of your birthday, I pictured it differently.  I pictured you unwrapping presents and playing with the boxes. I pictured you throwing your face in a Dainty Maid cake.

But I want you to learn something that  took a long time, too long, for your mommy to learn. Sometimes the way we picture things are not the way they are meant or need to be. 

And the way that things are is just perfect.

We left the hotel at 9:30 p.m and arrived home at 10:45. It was a quick trip and a bit chaotic, but I don’t and didn't regret it. I wanted you to spend your first birthday just like you spent the first hours after you were born: with your abba and me. 

And it was perfect.

 Video of Maya eating her cake.

Iran or Israel?

Two weeks ago my daughter had a 103.5 fever,  hours before we were leaving to visit my family in the United States. Luckily, my in laws were with me. We decided because she and I  were flying, we needed to go to the ER for a clear diagnosis. For example, if she had strep throat or an ear infection, we wouldn’t fly. The nearest hospital to our apartment is Laniado in Netanya. I knew nothing about this hospital except that there was a sign for it on the highway and a friend of mine had delivered her baby there.

First, and most importantly, the medical care she received there was excellent  (especially from one of the nurses), thorough and fairly fast for an emergency room. She was diagnosed with something not contagious, but that for sure required ER care, and we made our flight to Chicago.

However, the hospital experience was the most bizarre I have ever experienced in Israel. I have been to five medical facilities in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv and Be'er Sheva. Laniado was my sixth in this country. When we pulled up to the hospital, the parking lots were gated off. When we asked a security guard to open the gate, he gave us a hard time: “It’s Shabbat,” he said.  My mother in law told him that we have a sick little baby, and he relented after a bit of back and forth. However, he said to drop her off, and then park blocks away from the hospital. When we entered the hospital, I was taken (my mother in law came with me) to a back room with my daughter. The intake person  (who was also lovely) handed me a cell phone. There was an unidentified man on the line that said, “Listen, it’s Shabbat. No (pediatricians) are around. Can you come back tomorrow?”

Clearly, I wouldn’t have come to an emergency room if I could have come back tomorrow, but I explained my situation, and he said, “Well, can you wait around until Shabbat ends so you can pay your bill.”

I told him I didn’t understand what he was asking – although I did because I wanted him to actually say it: They didn't really want me receiving care on Shabbat, but if my daughter really needed care, they didn’t want payment on Shabbat, but they didn’t want me skipping payment.  There is a clear sign at the admissions' window that says how much tourists and residents must pay for an ER visit.  (My daughter and I are not citizens of Israel). I said he could have my place of employment, my address, my passport number, and that I would for sure not forget to pay my bill.  My mother in law also offered her address and passport number. He argued with me some more (by the way, I still have no clue who this was) and then again relented.

While we were in the waiting room, I called my husband to give him an update. A different security guard scolded me me, “No cell phones; it’s Shabbat.”  My father in law wanted to entertain my daughter with a little video on his cell phone. Again, a security guard looked over and said, “No cell phones; it’s Shabbat.”

This is the video my father in law wanted to show my daughter. 

Because of all of the tests my daughter needed, by the time we left, Shabbat was over and we could pay our bill and be on our way.  But regardless, here are my questions:

1.     Why is an Emergency Room open on Shabbat if they do not want people to come there on Shabbat?

2.     Is this kind of Sabbath intimidation legal? It’s the hospital’s right, I guess, to close off its parking lot, but do the security guards have the right to demand that I not talk on my cell phone because of the Sabbath? (It’s not a rule because cell phone use is annoying; it’s a rule because it’s a “commandment.”  Do they have the right to not let us drop off the baby at the front of the hospital?

I ask these questions for two reasons:

a.     I have friends who live in this area (Even Yehudah) who are not Jewish, and would not understand the hospital’s behavior and be really put off by it Despite the good medical care, I would probably steer them clear of it, unless this was an anomaly.

b.      What are my rights in a situation like these, besides to go to a hospital in Tel Aviv if we, and I hope we don’t, need an ER again?

Looking forward to your responses.