When I hear “It takes a village to raise a child” I attach the saying as a criticism of modern life and the 21st century tendency to belong to nothing. I think of my own childhood, living on the same block as my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandparents. I think of the dozens of people from my hometown who I could call and would do anything for me in the blink of an eye.
My children are lacking a village, or so I thought. Indeed, after two weeks of social isolation I realized that their village may be more like a hut (Sukkah) than the stone dwelling of the synagogue where I grew up, but it is still a village.
Social isolation (one month, more?) has revealed how many people are involved in my children’s lives and how desolate their universe is without them. It has also made me painfully aware that I am simply not enough for them, and the longer this lasts, the more they will be lacking.
“You are enough,” I hear you replying. No, I’m not. And neither are you. We weren’t meant to raise our kids in isolation. Tonight, before bed, my daughter lamented how much she missed school. “I miss my teachers. I miss my friends. When will we see Saba and Savta again? Will we ever go back to America?” she tearfully asked. Earlier today she accused me of working too much. She’s not wrong. I want my students to learn whatever it is I’m teaching, and I don’t know how to pull back without feeling like I’m letting them down.
But why is it okay to let her down? It’s a question she can’t articulate, but one I know that she is asking
This once in a lifetime Coronavirus event will one day be a distant memory. But I do hope that it reminds me to practice some gratitude. Instead of comparing my childhood to my children’s and lamenting the temporary structure in which they reside, I must be thankful for all of the branches that cover them, and that they aren’t only held up by me.
*The photograph is of my son drawing on his sister’s dolls while I wasn’t paying attention.
So last night in my vanity, I decided to post on social media pictures of my family and Passover Seder table. Before doing so, I Googled the Exodus story, one I've read many times before, to find a quote to put on the social media post.
[If you're surprised that I'm talking about the Bible, skip to the bottom]
I should know this by now. Anytime I look in the Hebrew Bible, I'm struck at how messed up the story is and how mean God is. So I posted the pictures without a quote. But something from what I read yesterday really struck me and stayed with me this morning.
Following the 10th plague, after the Israelites fled Pharaoh with his permission, he then changes his mind.
And the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea. And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians were marching after them; and they were very afraid; and the children of Israel cried unto the Lord. And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore didst thou deal thus with us, to bring us forth out of Egypt? Is not this the word that we spoke unto thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it was better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness. (Exodus 14.9-12)
These people were so scared. When I have studied this story in a religious setting, the focus had been on the lack of faith and gratitude that the Israelites had toward God and Moses. Their continued lack of faith and complaining causes God, as the sources say, to not let anyone from that generation in to Canaan. Instead they spend their lives wondering in the desert for 40 years. (No Wifi, but free food and tents.)
Reading it yesterday. though, for the first time I was attentive to their fear and anger. Sure God had spared them from the plagues, but why couldn't God have gotten them out of there without the plagues in the first place? It does seem like Moses has God's ear (or vice versa), but who was this guy? Put on a make-shift boat by his sister as a baby, raised by Pharaoh's daughter, then murders someone, runs away, becomes a sheep herder, talks to a burning bush, and then comes back to Egypt. No wonder they are looking back: "For it was better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness." Those aren't the words of people without faith, those are the words of people who are mad and scared.
We know how this story ends. God parts the Red Sea and they make it across, while the Egyptians are not so lucky. This is what we celebrate. Freedom. But this year I think it's also important to acknowledge their fear instead of looking at the Israelites in the next couple of books as whiny, indolent ingrates, I think we should acknowledge just how difficult it was for them during this time. How difficult it would be for any of us.
We live in a time where the word "gratitude" is overused. Of course, I'm grateful for all of my blessings, and know things could be much worse. But please allow me my fear and my anger. I won't let it consume me, but both are deserved given our current circumstances. I will be joyful, but I will also promote my petition to Maximize the Defense Production Act to require production of PPEs & ventilators.
Wishing everyone a happy holiday, whatever you are celebrating.
For people who are reading and are surprised I'm talking about the Bible, I have something to tell you. You need to teach your kids the stories of the Bible. Not because they are true, but because they are foundational for understanding literature and history. If you are of the belief that religion is crap, that's fine. But don't rob your kids of the foundations of society because of your hatred towards religion. You can also teach your kids Biblical criticism from an early age. My 7-year-old daughter has become interested in the story of Joseph. There's a Dreamworks movie, and we watched the Andrew Lloyd Weber production (some of it is cringy) because it was streaming free a few days ago. She asked if the story was true. I told her that we don't know because there's no evidence besides the story. She was cool with that. Then we talked about the themes of jealousy, being a braggart, what it means to be wrongfully accused, redemption and forgiveness. It's okay. The Bible won't poison their intellectual development.
I get the big fear. I actually agree with the concept that less government is more. Often when the government is involved in anything, it ends up crappy. I totally get that. But the Defense Production Act doesn't actually have the government produce anything. It forces private companies to produce the goods and services that we need in war time. They get to make money, people get to work, and products are made that are vitally needed.
For the love of God, it's not a slippery slope to Communism or Fascism.
