Soak up a unique analysis of politics, culture, religion and societal ills.

Married Friends! Help!

2012-01-12T15:19:00.000-06:00

Dear married friends, if you have five minutes please answer the following question: what advice, based on your personal experience, would you give to ensure a happy marriage? Your answers will be published anonymously in an article I'm writing. I will just include your age, sex and the number of years you've been married (so include that too).

You can comment here anonymously. Just please be sure to answer the question, your age, and the number of years you've been married.

THANKS!!!!

Questions for the Ultra-Orthodox Jews in Beit Shemesh who are throwing eggs, rocks and spitting

2011-12-27T22:59:00.002-06:00

Why would you move to a place called “House of Sun” if you expected people to be all covered up?
There are plenty of perfectly nice Ultra Orthodox Jews. Have you considered wearing a different color hat from black so that you can be identified? Since your issue is with women, perhaps pink would be a great color.
Isn’t Hebrew a sacred language? Then how is it appropriate for you to graffiti buildings?
What happens if a woman sits in the back of the bus and is checking out your neck? How is that ok?
Can’t you come up with another name to call the police than Nazis? It’s really distasteful.
Wouldn’t you rather eat those eggs? Israeli breakfasts are so good!
Didn’t “sinat chinam” destroy Israel before? Are you also supplying Iran with nuclear weapons?
How do you know that your wives are behaving modestly if you are outside harassing people?
Don’t you have PR Consultants? Right now you are being compared to the Taliban. You need to work on your image.
Why if you wanted to fight so much didn’t you just join the IDF?
Aren’t you supposed to be studying?

To learn more: http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4167668,00.html

Guided Meditation

2011-12-23T23:24:00.000-06:00

This is not a great time of year for people with depression and anxiety. You are commanded to be happy and joyful, and instead it becomes a mirror into the fact that you are not.

Although I'm pretty happy right now, my mind races. At times, it is comparable to a the track during the Indianapolis 500. There were days and nights during my 20s, where my mind could have fueled NASCAR as well.

Often this racing serves me well. I am a creative thinker and can complete tasks rapidly.

Sometimes though, I end up exhausted and depleted.

For much of my life, I have employed various interventions to cleanse the pallet that is my brain. I have found that the most helpful "medicine" if I am an acute situation is guided meditation.

This not to be confused with meditation. I cannot do regular breathe in breathe out meditation because for some reason it causes my already burning thoughts to turn into a forest fire.

But guided meditation seems to work for me. Occasionally a negative thought or two will invade the meditation, and so I do my best to get rid of it or them. If they won't go away, I will just complete more guided meditations until they do.

And they do.

Below I am listing guided meditations that I have completed. Now the disclaimer: I have no training in this sort of thing. This is not in place of a psychologist or psychiatrist. This also just might not work for you. Also, if you feel suicidal or that you are going to harm yourself or someone else call 911.

As for the people leading the meditations, I have no clue as to whether they are excellent practitioners or total quacks. I cannot endorse them or their beliefs in any way. I can just endorse the particular guided meditation that has helped me break the negative cycle of ruminative thinking.

Tip: Don't watch the video, just listen. Be seated or lie down in a dark room or at least close your eyes. Be comfortable.

1. http://bit.ly/t419Ll

2. http://bit.ly/vvNzG1

3. http://bit.ly/uyM2ni

4. http://bit.ly/v487n9

5. http://bit.ly/9mMzb6

If there are guided meditations that you recommend, please include them in the comments section.

Top 10 Reasons Matisyahu Shaved his Beard

2011-12-13T17:26:00.000-06:00

10. He wants to be in Old Spice commercials for the Super Bowl.

9. Waxing hurts.

8. He had a bet with Mitt Romney that the Bears would win onSunday.

7. He got sick ofbeing called a Rabbi.

6. He had put onweight and people thought he was Santa Claus.

5. He just found out that you don’t need a beard to bereligious.

4. The hair care products didn’t last long enough to coverthe gray.

3. It was itchy.

2. He saw himself on this new Bravo show and thought it wastime to rethink how he observes Judaism:

1. It's easier to eat a jelly doughnut without having to worry about it getting in your beard.

Best of luck to you Matisyahu. I like your music with or without facial hair. I especially liked when you sang with the PS22 Chorus. I hope wherever your spiritual journey takes you, it takes you to the recording studio.

The most drugs ever!

2011-11-18T15:10:00.001-06:00

My latest post for OyChicago is on Dr. House, MD and drugs. Prescription Drugs. Check it out here:
http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=20441&blogid=142

Most important lesson to learn from Penn State

2011-11-12T19:24:00.001-06:00

The Penn State saga has been terribly depressing on so manylevels, and the world’s top writers have already sufficiently written columnscondemning the football team’s leadership who at worst raped young boys and atbest did the minimum to report it.

Investigations will occur, reports will be written, andfines will be levied and paid. Trials will take place and some of the victimsdestroyed by one man and those who aided and abetted his crimes may or may notspeak, may or may not find closure in the justice system.

It is likely that this will trigger more reports of sexualabuse at other institutions where perpetrators weren’t stopped by those who “couldhave done more.”

While this calamity will teach lessons to the currentleadership of athletic programs, schools, religious institutions and themilitary, what needs to be addressed is how to teach young people to not bebystanders when they witness wrongdoings.

We have to teach them why it is important, why it is theirduty, to speak out when it is so much easier to stay silent.

What we need is for every able bodied man, woman and childto stand up against abuse from sexual to bullying. High school and collegestudents need to know you aren’t formidable because you can catch a football ormake a basket. You aren’t cool because you can down eight beers without puking.

What defines you is that you can take the keys away from afriend who is about to drink and drive; you can report a friend who is braggingabout what you know are euphemisms for date rape; and you can confront someoneor call the authorities on someone who is bulling.

And of course, if someone’s life is in danger or a child isgoing to be injured, you cannot take the easy way out and say it’s someone else’sproblem.

Facing History and Ourselves has numerous lesson plans andteacher trainings on these topics. However, using the Penn State story, or whathappened to Lauren Spierer or resources on bullying, and clarifying the what should be universalvalue that it is not OK to be a bystander to injustice under any circumstances,is a lesson that can be taught by anyone, anywhere.

Will you teach it, or let someone else bother with it?

The struggle that is Yom Kippur

2011-10-07T12:45:00.000-05:00

So few liberal Jews actually go to synagogue throughout the year, why do so many go on Yom Kippur? Is it because they really are worried that lightning will strike them if they don’t go, or is it for another reason?

I ask the question as much to others as I do to myself.

While I’m more active in the Jewish Community than most, my presence in synagogue is sporadic, and I struggle to focus on any kind of spirituality.Yom Kippur is a little bit easier because the fasting, I find, mellows my hyperactive soul (although sometimes it can have the reverse effect where all I think about is food).

But it’s also an easier holiday to connect to because of the Al Chet prayer which lists all of the sins, most of which I have committed this year to some degree or another.So standing before God and admitting those sins, asking for forgiveness, I can relate to and get on board with. I am culpable for wrongdoings which I am never held accountable for. This is the day when I am.

There is one part of the service that is very hard for me to grapple with: On Rosh HaShanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed, how many will leave this world and how many will be born into it, who will live and who will die... But penitence, prayer and good deeds can annul the severity of the decree.

The idea that there is a sort of futuristic census book in Heaven doesn’t bother me. But the idea that we have some control over whether or not it happens to us or our loved ones is hard to fathom especially when each year we know someone who dies or some terrible illness or tragedy befalls a wonderful person who lives a life of, if not prayer, then definitely good deeds.Death, tragedy, illness, is any of it preventable? Do we cause it?

Many people know what happened to the Berry family.The wreck killed both parents and severely injured the couple's two sons, Aaron, 8, and Peter, 9, who were paralyzed from the waist down. Their daughter, Willa, 6, broke an arm and leg. (Houston Chronicle)

In the article, the Rabbi of their synagogue David Rosen, senior rabbi of Congregation Beth Yeshurun explained: "A terrible tragedy like that is not an act of God, but the tragic act of the one who crossed the line of the highway and crashed into their car," the rabbi said. "We hold that God created a world that is bound together by certain physical laws. Those laws enable us to live and function. Gravity. Physics. And ultimately these laws enable us to have a certain predictability."We know if we drop something it will fall, even if it's a brick from a high rise that then falls on someone and kills them, Rosen said."Those are accidents and not events that were planned by God," he said. "We don't believe God singled out the Berrys any more than he singled out a poor child to be born with a birth defect. God doesn't cause bad things to happen, but God is the strength within us to endure what happens and causes others to embrace us and love us."

I keep reading that and liking the interpretation, but it doesn't total explain what we say, “penitence, prayer and good deeds can annul the severity of the decree.”

I guess one who goes to synagogue every year has to focus on the word “can” and not “will.”

We also must shift the focus to the fact that we control so little of what can happen to us, but we do control so much of what does happen. Much of our destiny is in our hands, and we repent for the sins that ruin our full potential to live as good human beings.

I’ve had this quote in my office from Rabbi Wolpe of the Sinai Temple in Los Angeles, …”Shall we foster disharmony or peace? Banality of beauty? Will the changes we contemplate for the New Year contribute to the worthiness and holiness of our lives? That is our task; may it prove to be our destiny.”

My goal for this year is to make changes that “contribute to the worthiness and holiness” of my own life and the lives of others around me.

No matter how hard it is.

Have a meaningful Yom Kippur.

2011-10-06T17:14:00.000-05:00

Here is a short film review I wrote for the Chicago Festival of Israeli Cinema on The Matchmaker.

2011-09-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been to a wedding in Israel? I went to my first one a few weeks ago. I wrote about the similarities and differences here: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=20269&blogid=142

What are those free trips to Israel REALLY like?

2011-09-13T16:51:00.000-05:00

What is the deal with those free Israel trips? Find out here! Our Taglit-Birthright Israel: Shorashim participants tell you their thoughts about their trips unedited and uncensored: http://bit.ly/pdxmtU

Tribute to Aunt Natalie

2011-08-28T22:33:00.002-05:00

When I was a little girl, I remember thinking that my dad’s family all sounded like aliens. Their thick accents and the way they said my name, I knew they couldn’t be from this world. This was especially true of how I viewed Aunt Natalie. To me she was really, really tall, like six feet tall, and very, very intimidating.

I may have felt that way for a long time, except for one summer when I was seven or eight. We were visiting “out east” when my mom took ill and had to be hospitalized. I remember waking up, Aunt Natalie sitting on the bed and saying, “Sharna (insert accent) your mother’s in the hospital and you’re going to be staying here for a while. That’s ok with you?”

I just nodded thinking to myself, do I have a choice?

Although I felt scared about my mom and a little lonely for friends my age, hanging out with my 50 something aunt and uncle proved to be really awesome. The first time I ever tried honeydew melon was when Uncle Don brought it home one evening. I learned that people drink milk with their tea in Cherry Hill.

I swam every day in the pool and read books. But the best part I remember was touring around Philadelphia, walking in the steps of Benjamin Franklin and wondering why they didn’t fix the crack in the Liberty Bell. I credit the time that I spent there for my love of history; and it’s probably why I majored in it in college and taught it for seven years to high school kids.

Last year when my niece Talia had her bat mitzvah, Aunt Natalie asked if she could stay with me for a week so she could tour Chicago. I told her, of course. My friends were astounded, “your aunt in her mid 70s is staying with you?????” I told them that Aunt Natalie wasn’t really in her mid 70s, that was just her age. Until this month, Aunt Natalie had way more energy than I did. When she visited, I was working, and Aunt Natalie took advantage of seeing all of Chicago. She took the bus!!!!! and saw the museums, took an architectural boat tour and went shopping. She told me the only requirement that she had for her stay was that I have coffee and sweetener for her in the morning. Besides that she didn’t need me at all. When she found out my spare bedroom only had a blow up mattress, I had to threaten her so that she would let me sleep on it and give her my bed. At night we hung out, meeting my brothers and their families for dinner, and took walks along Broadway, talking about life.

While she was staying with me, she talked a lot about Robert, her nephew and my cousin who passed away from a brain tumor. She helped him and his family out during his illness. She told me and I’m sure some of you about Robert insisting on taking her out to dinner to the Cheese Cake Factory. She told me that the she had called ahead and although they didn’t take reservations, after explaining Robert’s situation, the manager set aside a table for them. She talked about the kindness of this manager for a really long time and I wondered why she was so enamored by what had happened.

Something that I learned about Aunt Natalie is how much she valued kindness, both the kindness of others and what an important virtue it was in her own life. Before going to dinner with my brother Eric’s family, she insisted we stop somewhere to buy the girls stickers, notebooks, and markers. I told her that she didn’t need to do that, but she insisted. So we were late to dinner and got the kids the gifts. When we arrived she handed them to the girls and they had big smiles on their faces and played with them during dinner.

She told me when she was staying with me how sitting with Robert and good friends through their illnesses made her firm in her own decisions about how she would handle any end of life decisions. I told her to stop being so morbid and she should cross that bridge when she gets there. She told me she just wanted me to know and also to tell my father and anyone else.

I told her I would. But I didn’t think it would be less than a year after her visit.

I last talked to Aunt Natalie two weeks ago. She didn’t really want to talk about her illness. Instead she wanted to hear about me, my brothers and their families. I told her I was keeping tabs on Donnie and she told me that she really, really appreciated that. I really didn’t think it would be the last time I would talk to her.

But one thing I did do while we went on a walk while she was in Chicago was thank her for taking care of Eric and me during that summer over 25 years ago. Because as an adult, here’s what I’ve learned: not everyone can or will do what needs to be done, even for family. My dad needed someone to watch over my brother and me while my mom recovered in the hospital, and I’m sure Aunt Natalie didn’t hesitate to take on the responsibility, even though we were her alien niece and nephew from the Midwest. She provided a fun, safe environment during a difficult time in a child’s life. Aunt Natalie worked, she had adult children, tons of friends, but she prioritized our welfare and wellbeing. She could have given my dad the number of a great babysitter, but she didn’t.

And I know, because of her, if anyone needed me to do the same I would.

Aunt Natalie, I am really going to miss you and will always remember the unconditional love you provided to a scared little girl a long time ago. May your memory be for a blessing.

How we Mourn in the age of Social Media

2011-07-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

This is my July post for Oy Chicago. It's about social media and the affect it has on how we mourn. I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=9575&blogid=142

Dreams from this Weekend

2011-07-24T23:21:00.004-05:00

I honestly don't know if this is compelling or not. But I do think my dreams are crazier than most people's. I won't be offended if you don't read.

If you have any analysis, feel free to share. :)

http://swordsweeperlady.blogspot.com/2011/07/dreams-from-this-weekend.html

Waiting Play List

2011-07-20T22:16:00.001-05:00

My dad always says "it is what it is." This is only comforting if you know "what it is." Some of us are better at waiting than others. I'm not very good at it and as the waiting continues my psyche is deteriorating (see last post on being dramatic). Music is of comfort, as are ice cream bars, so with the help of several friends, I came up with a play list of sorts of songs about "waiting."

Enjoy or ruminate. Either way. Thanks to Joe W., Marc W., Pat R., Jamie K. and Sean M. for your help compiling the list.

P.S. I feel guilty that I don't have any music by women or minorities. I guess for some reason these angsty white boys are clouding my mind. Don't they always?

P.P.S. If you have any additions (I cut out some bad 80s music from the list) place them in the comments section.

Hate it Here
Wilco

The Waiting
played by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and sung by Eddie Vedder!

I'm Waiting for The Man
Velvet Underground

Patience
Guns N' Roses

Not Dark Yet
Bob Dylan

Waiting
Green Day

This God Damn House
The Low Anthem

With or Without You
U2

Somewhere Only We Know
Keane

Under My Thumb/ I am Waiting/ Paint it Black
Rolling Stones

Helplessness Blues
Fleet Foxes

I am the Walrus
The Beatles

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Jack Johnson (with Ben Harper)

Waiting for a Miracle
Jerry Garcia Band

Oh God Where Are You Now?
Sufjan Stevens

All of the trees of the Field will Clap Their Hands
Sufjan Stevens

Somebody to Shove
Soul Asylum

Waiting for the Sun
The Doors

I'm the One Who Wants to Be With You
Mr. Big

Waiting for Somebody
Paul Westerberg

Excavation Part 2

2011-07-17T23:40:00.002-05:00

So first of all, I can't believe I wrote about this in April. I thought I last wrote about this last month. I think since I've been traveling so much lately that months and dates mean little to me. This may seem funny to my friends who know that I throw away food the second it says that it is expired.

I can honestly say until I looked down at my computer date clock just this second I had no idea what the day was.

Another reason time is unimportant is because I'm in my own purgatory right now. My coworkers will laugh at that term. "You're so dramatic. You're such a drama queen." And I am in my own way. I don't cause drama, or seek drama, but I tell stories or recall events in a very dramatic fashion. Just last week (exactly I think) I was at the airport in Warsaw, Poland telling a story. A random man stopped me and said, "I can tell you are a great educator because you are so dramatic in the way that you speak to your students." Then he gave me a thumbs up and went on his way.

Maybe he was my guardian angel, but I don't really think I have one, and if I do, it's not a random guy in Poland, rather my grandparents who I sometimes envision at my side holding me up.

I had that kind of vision was when I got engaged. He and I were walking around Lakeview, telling various people who were most important to us in person. Through my smile I was terrified. Of what exactly, I don't know. Or maybe I do know and I did know. But through that terror, holding his hand, I could feel my Bubbie and Zadie holding me up. I know it sounds freaky, but it's what I felt.

There was a time during our engagement when he told me he didn't know if he wanted to get married anymore. It was an awful time. It was, well, purgatory. But every day I went to work, and every afternoon (almost) I went to the gym, and every week I talked to trusted friends who supported me every step of the way.

In the end, when it didn't work out, as I said in my previous post, I fled my apartment into a condo where I put boxes and boxes of things without sorting them. Since last July, when the relationship I am in now, was progressing, I began cleaning out those boxes albeit fearing what I would find that I haven't seen in seven years.

So I took down a plastic storage container tonight. It looked innocuous. Bills, and such. And then there it was. The book he made me. A bound book with emails from our relationship that ended with "Will you Marry me?" Inside the book were three pictures. I remember why I saved the pictures and the book. I remember thinking that one day, when my son or daughter's heart was really broken, I would tell them the story of my heart being obliterated (dramatic) and let them know that they would be better some day, just like I am.

One of the pictures is of him telling me something at a family bar mitzvah, and me laughing very hard. The second was of us at a friend's wedding. In both pictures I look very, very happy and beautiful. There were other pictures, too. One of me signing a friend's ketubah and me at her wedding. They are some of the few pictures I have of myself wearing the engagement ring that I gave back to him on a beautiful May day seven years ago.

Finding the book and finding the pictures were something I feared for the last seven years. So how did I feel?

I felt like I was looking at artifacts. I liked seeing that smile. I liked the evidence that what happened to me was true, even though so many people encouraged me to forget about it. I'll never completely forget about it, even if should. I won't. For those who have memories that fade easier than mine, perhaps you are blessed. Although I don't think of myself as cursed.

Right now, this very second, I'm going through something similar that I went through when I was engaged and my exfiance told me he wasn't sure he wanted to marry me anymore. Actually, it's not similar at all, but in my head it feels similar.

I am waiting to hear from the U.S. government if my potential roommate will get his Visa. It is totally out of my hands. I am completely powerless. The decision is in a sealed envelope. When it is opened I have no idea what it will say.

Every single person (including him) is confident that it will be positive. I have spent the last 10 days carrying the same feelings I carried seven years ago: preparing for the worst. I've been increasing my trips to the gym, I've been meditating, and sometimes I will let someone know how much I'm suffering (dramatic) with anxiety

As for that book and those pictures, I put them away. Because deep in my heart I know that I will someday have that conversation about heartbreak with my son and daughter during another excavation, at another time, in another home filled with love.

21st Century Nervous Breakdown

2011-07-16T12:46:00.003-05:00

Skype me

Follow Me
Blog it.
Comment!
Update!
Order it!
Are we Linked In?

Invite me to Google +

Add as a friend

Become a fan

Add me to your circle

Wish me a Happy Birthday

Look at my photos.

Remember THAT?

Have you seen this?

Did you see it on Youtube?

That’s hysterical! Youtube it.

Submit an IREPORT.

IM Me.

Nintendo DS?

Wii.

GET AN XBOX

or a Playstation 3

an ANDROID!

Touch screen

Come to my event

Dig it

Favorite it

Pandora them

Save it in your Cloud

JDATE?

Eharmony?

Match?

Okayyyy Cupid!

Do it all online!

Share a spreadsheet on Google Docs

Add this app to your smart phone

Click here to donate to my charity

Click here to show your support

Follow The LATEST NEWS

Follow THE LATEST SCORES

Buy a MAC

Buy a PC

Buy an IPAD 2.

Kindle my Nook.

Just text me

DM me

BBM Me

Livestream it

Awesome Podcast!

Update your Software

Subscribe to this!

Complete this survey to win free tickets.

Download that!

Suggest to your friends.

Hash tag #hunger to save the starving children!

Click! Groupon! Half Price! Now!

Tivo it.

DVR it.

Nextflix them.

Redbox where?

Sync. Sync. You need to Sync.

Don’t click that YOU’RE GOING TO GET A VIRUS

You must update.

You must restart.

You must shut down.

Fatal Error.

Emotions and Social Networking Sites

2011-07-14T22:29:00.000-05:00

In honor of Google +, I've tried to think of every possible reaction to postings on social network sites. Let me know if I missed any.
Your baby is cute.

I’m so glad you moved.

You are funny, except when you insulted me on our first date.

Interesting article.

I love YouTube.

If it weren’t for your name, I wouldn’t remember you.

Drink plenty of fluids.

You are still married?

Good job!

No, I don’t own that.

Maybe I should change MY profile picture.

How do we know all those people in common?

That sucks!

I think your sprinkler might be on.

That’s great you got published. I’m still probably not going to read it.

You totally save the world.

You did NOT say that.

Feel better!

Did Hitler REALLY do that?

I’m not posting that on my profile.

It does suck that it’s closing.

You are moving? Again?

The situation in Syria is so messed up.

Everything now ends in geddon.

Is that a poorly veiled drug reference?

Man, your wife is a lucky woman.

She settled.

I totally went out with her new boyfriend from jdate.

She always posts great quotes!

Why are you writing in ALL CAPS?

Stop complaining. YOU wanted to move to the suburbs. That’s what you get.

Happy Birthday!

Yes, I do have recommendations.

So tragic!

I’ve been to that beach!

Man, I could never do a half marathon.

So, true, about the weather.

Why is that coming up on my profile?

Wow, I really don’t care.

Stop the misspellings!

Yummm, I love that place, too.

I don’t get it.

It must really be hard to be you.

You are reliving college.

You were always so nice in high school.

I don’t give a flying *#&@ about Harry Potter.

I am not an expert on electronics.

That looks like fun.

CUTTTEEEE

Yeah, I can go.

Do you think that maybe you’re an alcoholic?

You couldtotally sell that photo on Craig’s List or EBay.

I’m glad you like your cat.

I want that.
You are a fan of that team. Loser.

SHE’S on Facebook?

I’m glad that religion eases your fear.

Good job!

You always go to cool places.

I bet you are a good mom.

I’m not opening that photo album.

Have fun on your vacation!

Good night to you, too.

20+ books that I've enjoyed

2011-07-03T02:26:00.002-05:00

This post is dedicated to Jennifer Galet who has been a good friend to me for 13! years despite the distance between us. Her birthday is July 5, but I will be in Berlin, busy with 18 teenagers, so I don't know if I will be able to get in touch.

Jen is has asked me before for book recommendations (and she has given me many, too, one on this list was from her, I believe). So I thought this would be an ok gift.

So here's a list of books that I still think about. Many are new reads for me, some are not.

Happy Birthday, Jen!

And to my other book worm friends, I love you, too!

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
Jamie Ford
Historical Fiction

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake
Aimee Bender
Fantasy

Safe Haven
Nicholas Sparks
Quick Read

Stieg Larsson's books
Crime, Adventure

Fly Away Home
Jennifer Weiner
Quick Read

Little Bee
Chris Cleave
Novel

This is Where I Leave You
Jonathan Tropper
Dude Lit

Every Man Dies Alone
Hans Fallada
Historical Fiction

Women, Food and God
Geneen Roth
Self Help

Testimony: A Novel
Aneta Shreve
Quick Read

A Lesson Before Dying
Ernest J. Gaines
Historical Fiction, Civil Rights

The Memory Keeper's Daughter
Kim Edwards
Novel

Will To Live
Adam Starkopf
Holocaust Memoir

Mila 18
Leon Uris
Historical Fiction

Unaccustomed Earth
Jhumpa Lahiri
Short Stories

American Pastoral
Philip Roth
Novel

The Runaway Jury
John Grisham
Quick Read

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down
Anne Fadiman
Non fiction

The Inheritance of Loss
Kiran Desai
Novel

The Heidi Chronicles
Wendy Wasserstein
Plays

The Picture of Dorian Gray
Oscar Wilde
Classic

Bread Givers
Anzia Yezierska
Historical Fiction

Taking Back the Artichoke

2011-07-03T00:45:00.000-05:00

I struggle with my weight. I mean, I really struggle. I struggle too much, one (anyone) might say. I once told someone that if I had taken all the time I had spent worried about my weight, I could have cured cancer. (Put in there my mother, grandmother, aunt, cousins, we could have all cured AIDS and another couple of fatal diseases)
But the reality is I am a petite person who can’t eat as much as everyone else or I will be obese.

So, I struggle.

The best “diet” book I’ve ever reading is The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite by David Kessler.

What he says is that part of the problem with the American Diet is that we’ve taken foods and turned them into unrecognizable substances that create abnormal dopamine responses in our brains which leads to addiction.

I read the book a couple of years ago, so I’m not sure if he used this example, but one that would fit would be Spinach Artichoke Dip.

I don’t mean to diss on Spinach Artichoke Dip. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I could eat it, and eat it, and eat it. It’s so good. But it’s also fairly bad for you. Of course, it’s fine in moderation. But when one struggles with eating in moderation, spinach artichoke dip becomes a thousand calorie affair.

Spinach Artichoke Dip takes two healthy vegetables and devolves them into a high calorie, fat filled, mind blowing for some, indulgence. (Google the words "artichoke" and "recipe" and you'll only find the fat filled dips)

So today, I am taking back the artichoke. One reason I write is because artichokes are everywhere in the grocery store right now. I’m a little too lazy to cook an actual artichoke, but a lot of people enjoy the process.

Some people like artichokes in their salad, or marinated in balsamic vinegar. I can tolerate eating them like that, but I usually skip over them at the salad bar.

My first exposure to baked artichokes was in Israel during Passover at my boyfriend’s parent’s house. The food was delicious and I had never tasted artichokes that were so good without hot cheese. I asked my boyfriend’s mother how to make them. She told me and I replicated them tonight. They did not taste as good as hers, but they were yummy nonetheless because they are warm (like the dip), and have a fantastic texture.

Baked Artichokes

Ingredients:

17 ounces of dry artichoke hearts (2 cans)

¼ cup olive oil

2 tablespoons paprika

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon pepper

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

In a bowl, combine the olive oil, paprika, salt and pepper. Stir.

Pour the mixture onto the artichokes (which should be in a separate bowl. All of the artichoke hearts should have some paprika on them.

Bake for 20 minutes. Pour into serving dish including any of the mixture that is left in the pan.

Serve. Side dish for 4.

Enjoy!

Oy Chicago Post about Lauren Spierer

2011-07-01T15:02:00.001-05:00

Just trying to keep her name out there in case someone has something for the police: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=9478&blogid=142

Jonathan Pollard

2011-06-19T20:58:00.002-05:00

Before you start demanding that President Obama allow convicted spy Jonathan Pollard to attend his father's z'l funeral, I want you to answer the following questions.

1. What was Mr. Pollard's relationship with his parents before he was incarcerated?

2. Has he spoken to or refused to speak to his parents while has incarcerated?

3. How did he respond to his parents lifelong attempts to grant him clemency?

4. Has he allowed his parents to visit him while he was in jail?

5. Did he petition George W. Bush to see his mother while she was on her death bed or to go to her funeral?

6. Before his parents were deathly ill, did Jonathan Pollard allow them to visit him in prison or wish to see them?

7. Who are the family members making the death bed requests?

7. Do all prisoners, no matter their status, have the right to a. visit their parents on their death beds b. attend their funerals?

Answer the above questions. After learning the answers, please protest or don't. Dr. Pollard was a brilliant scientist. His scientific findings were never based on "truthiness." I think he would expect the same from his son's supporters.

A Tribute to Mr. Gross

2011-06-12T02:46:00.009-05:00

As a young history teacher, I was always using the latest teaching techniques/overcompensating for my youth. Meanwhile, next door was Mr. Gross, telling the students about the Constitutional Convention as if he had been there and reading from the Gettysburg address as if he had given it. While I taught about WWI he presented the Civil Rights Movement as a primary source, someone who had heard Martin Luther King’s most famous speech perched from a tree on the Mall and rode buses South on “Freedom Rides,” literally risking his life for a cause he believed in.

Mr. Gross and I were cosponsors of the U.S. Politics Club. While our own political movements were being quashed, we still watched with glee as our students developed a love and passion for politics.

Mr. Gross loved the Chicagoland Jewish High School. When the school moved to Deerfield I could not manage the commute. Mr. Gross, twice my age, arrived at school for morning minyan every day on time with his tefillin wrapped waiting for the first student to say the first prayer of the morning.

I imagine many of the prayers spoke to him. For Mr. Gross, the school was Ma Tovu.

How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!
And I, with Your great loving-kindness, shall enter Your House; I shall prostrate myself toward Your Holy Temple in the fear of You.
O Lord, I love the dwelling of Your house and the place of the residence of Your glory.
Come, let us prostrate ourselves and bow; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker.
But, as for me, may my prayer to You, O Lord, be in an acceptable time. O God, with Your abundant kindness, answer me with the truth of Your salvation.

For him the blessings of the morning also must have held significance, particularly the Birkot Hashahar. While I could not, would not, relate to the blessings, I now read them from Mr. Gross’ vantage point, and understand his piety from a different perspective; from the point of view of someone who had seen our own country during the turbulent times of the 1960s.

Praised are You, Lord our God, Sovereign of the universe,
Who enables His creatures to distinguish between night and day.
Who made me in His image.
Who made me a Jew.
Who made me free.
Who gives sight to the blind.
Who clothes the naked.
Who releases the bound.
Who raises the downtrodden.
Who creates the heavens and the earth.
Who provides for all my needs.
Who guides us on our path.
Who strengthens the people Israel with courage.
Who crowns the people of Israel with glory.
Who restores vigor to the weary.
Who removes sleep from my eyes and slumber from my eyelids

Working for a new school has its ups and downs. Mr. Gross rarely complained, if at all. While many of the teachers (I) and students griped about everything and anything, he quietly fulfilled his duties in the classroom and more, attending many of the boys basketball games and other after school activities.

But he always told me when I came to visit the school how much he missed me and how much I was missed. No one else really said that because it’s just not something you say when a teacher leaves a school, unless it’s for retirement or they move. Mr. Gross always expressed his admiration for my spirited discourse while I envied his calm wisdom that I knew that I lacked.

Mr. Gross touched the lives of so many people, including my own. I still owe him five bags of chocolate candy that I took from the bowl sitting on his desk.

And to his students who are very sad today, you should know, he loved you all, no matter your academic prowess. And to Michael, Victor and Danny, he felt blessed to have such caring students who tried to help him with his health. You probably gave him, and all of us, more time, which is incredibly precious.

I would say that if Mr. Gross wanted anything from his students it would be to live a righteous life as he did, and in the face of adversity, to always do what’s right.

And to fulfill your dreams.

May her Memory Be for a Blessing

2011-06-09T17:29:00.001-05:00

When I was a teacher at the Chicagoland Jewish High School, one of the many classes I taught was Western Civilization. The students in the class weren't the most academically excited (at the time), but they were all smart and unique in their own ways.

We had the best time in this class. And I was a hard teacher. I made them write in-class essays, in-depth research papers, and learn a ton of history. One of the students in that class was Skye Miller. Skye was 4'10 or 4'11, which I liked because I am 5 feet tall. She was a vegan and would frequently come to class with egg and dairy free cookies and brownies that tasted like heaven.

Skye was smart. She didn't always apply herself, but she was very aware of that. When she didn't do her homework or didn't study for a test, she didn't make excuses, she just explained that she had other priorities, whatever they were. Some teachers would call this chutzpa, I liked the honesty. When she focused, she learned at a high level. When she was prepared, her writing was insightful and elegant. She was a wonderful student to have in class.

I really got to know Skye as the advisor of the school's literary journal. Skye and her brother bought an authentic hipster element to the class (Skye would think that description was an exaggeration) that we all craved but couldn't provide. One of my favorite memories of her was taking charge of Open Mic Night, helping with the decorations. With the help of others in the class, she took the old student lounge and transformed it to a poet's paradise. The room was serene yet lively filled with colorful pillows and lava lamps.

The atmosphere was one of openness, so much so that I, who never really does or did so, read something that I had written in front of the students. It was a memorable event, like her, one that cannot be replicated in time or space.

Skye decided to transfer to a different school. She needed a change of scenery. I didn't agree with but did support Skye's change of venue, recommending her to an advanced humanities class at her new school.

When I learned of Sky's illness, a rare Cancer, I visited her a few times and spoke to her a few times, although not enough and I regret that.

But I know Skye wouldn't want me to dwell on my guilt. "It's cool, Ms. Marcus. It's ok." That's what I hear from her on this sad night as I picture her beautiful blue eyes of kindness that shone upon all of us for too brief of a time.

Skye and I liked some of the same music. This is the song that comes to mind as I think of her now.

If I Could by Phish

Take me to another place, she said
Take me to another time
Run with me across the oceans
Float me on a silver cloud

If I could I would, but I don't know how
If I could I would, but I don't know how
If I could I would and I'd take you now

Stay with me till time turns over
I want to feel my feet leave the ground
Take me where the whispering breezes
Can lift me up and spin me around

If I could I would...
Hear you laughing as we go
Flipping backward through the doors and through the windows...
I'm melting into nothing If I could I would, but I don't know how If I could I would, but I don't know how
To Skye's wonderful family, who cared for her with so much love

HaMakom yenachem et'chem b'toch shar avay'lay Tzion vee'Yerushala....

May the Omnipresent comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Blog of Dreams

2011-06-04T04:31:00.000-05:00

This may be a big year for me. I also am a person who has a lot of crazy dreams. I think this equation will be many more crazy dreams. So I will chronicle them here: http://swordsweeperlady.blogspot.com/

I don't think I will advertise this as much as Scarpeta, because my dreams are really intense and crazy.

However, they will be here (I hope I follow through) for you to read.

Sex

2011-06-02T15:48:00.001-05:00

One of the best parts of Judaism is sex.

It’s not forbidden and there isn’t as much guilt around it as there is in other religions.

It’s a good thing, because sex is everywhere from relationships consummated on t.v. with the couple blissfully wrapped in sheets to internet pornography that shows more than everything and anything.

However, despite sex as an entertainment phenomenon, and religiously sanctioned, what is still lagging behind is truthful understanding and frank conversation about the actuality of having sex including the physical and emotional complications.

Sex in the City brought women’s sexuality to a place on the table that it had never been, but again, besides Charlotte’s first marriage, sex was as easy as cake.

The expectation that sex happens as it does on t.v. or in pornography just isn’t realistic and sets couples up for failure and a lack of tools to cope with dysfunction in a female or male.

Why is sex, and I mean real sex, still not talked about? It may be studied at places like the famous www.kinseyinstitute.org/, but studied and discussed are separate entities. I wonder if there are no forums to discuss sex because everyone assumes everybody knows everything from popular culture.I’ve started reading an anonymous blog entitled http://unconsummated.blogspot.com/ . It is written by a young woman who is 24, a virgin, and is unable to consummate her marriage. She has been married for a year and is suffering from a condition I had never heard of before called Vaginismus. She explains this all in her blog, but what’s clearer than the problem itself is the isolation she has felt for most of the year she has been suffering from it and the lack of preparation she felt before having sex for the first time.

Some of the readers have blamed this on her religious upbringing. I don’t agree with that. There are so many men and women who suffer from sexual dysfunction whose religious morals don’t dictate their sex life.

I’m not a scientist or therapist, but I have a very open relationship with many of my friends and this is what I most frequently hear about:

sexless marriages
inability to orgasm
male impotency
lack of female desire

I also didn’t mention that I’m not 100 years old either. I’m in my 30s and my friends are my age and younger.

Where is the discourse? Who do you turn to?

Some might answer http://drruth.com/ or http://www.talksexwithsue.com//. Others might recommend http://www.shmuley.com/.

The truth is, I’m not sure anyone can solve their sex problems from a web site, book or magazine. This may be an issue of a breakdown in community. Who can you talk about these things with when most of our non-partner human contact is through Facebook? Also, it’s hard to find a place where people aren’t putting up fronts and will be honest about their sexuality.

What’s my non professional suggestion? Sexual dysfunction can be caused by a medical problem, so it wouldn’t hurt to consult a doctor. However, expectations regarding a doctor’s ability to provide emotional support should be kept to a minimum. They are not trained to increase your sexual self esteem.

To combat serious problems in the Chicago Area, the following program was recommended by someone who trained there. It is a Sex Clinic at Loyola University Hospital:

Since its inception in 1972, Loyola's Sex Clinic in Loyola Outpatient Center has treated approximately 3,000 married couples and has trained more than 3,000 professionals. Married couples with sexual problems are provided seven weeks of couples counseling by a multidisciplinary team of health care professionals, including specialists in psychiatry, psychology, gynecology, urology, family medicine, nursing and social work. Single patients also are counseled individually or in a six-week all-female or all-male, small-group setting. To schedule an appointment with a Loyola physician, call toll-free (888) LUHS-888 and ask for extension 6-3752 (ttp://www.loyolamedicine.org)

And this is just a great clip from a great movie.

If Alanis Morissette were to write a song about Israel...

2011-06-02T15:19:00.001-05:00

I’ve been in Israel a lot lately. It’s very much a privilege that I get to go so often for work and for personal reasons. A lot of people I know have never been here. They always ask me, “what’s it like?”

Israel is amazing. But there are probably more than a million people who can tell you about that and why, and I think I’ve even written about it before, too.

However, after a while you begin to note the ironies and paradoxes here that can make your head spin. Better writers than I have written prolifically on this subject. Consider this a medium quality addendum to their literature and poetry.

In Israel…

Men in their 20s and 30s drive on motor scooters driving out of control fast (even on the sidewalks) while the elderly speed in their wheel chairs down busy streets causing traffic jams.

An entire country will stop to mourn a fallen soldier, yet a young person killed in a traffic fatality is just another Friday night.

Interracial harmony exists between Jews and Jews. Less integration exists among Jews and Arabs except in the hotels of Jerusalem.

Women feel underdressed in Jerusalem wearing jeans and not a long skirt and overdressed in Tel Aviv without a tank top and short skirt.

The cleaning woman doesn’t speak Hebrew, but speaks fluent English.

The doctor treating an only English speaking patient only speaks Russian and Hebrew.

Stores are never open, except when they are.

The God of everyone lives in Jerusalem, but everyone has a different prophet and he is the best one.

A woman dressed in full Muslim garb practices driving with the Hebrew letter lamed (learner) prominently displayed while her sister in Saudi Arabia is arrested for even trying to drive.

Doctors strike yet continue to provide great medical care, in a socialized health care system.

Some tourists intensely listen to their tour guide while a few think about when is their next chance to hook up, get drunk and/or become more tan.

If you drive in Jerusalem on Shabbat you will get screamed at by little Haredi kids yelling, “Shabbas.” Yet still they and their parents move to the side and let you through without incident.

Gay marriage is recognized, as long as you get married somewhere else where gay marriage is legal.
The boy you danced Stairway to Heaven with at a BBYO dance is now unrecognizably right wing and lives in a settlement.

The Biggest communication problems with your boyfriend’s parents is not being able to communicate with them in Hebrew.

Eating high calorie breakfasts feels healthier than eating nothing for breakfast at home. ( Although I haven’t stepped on a scale.)

A Chicagoan is happy that it’s hot out, but stays out of the sun for fear of skin damage.

Some men over 40 wear earrings, sport ponytails and wear kippot.

The liberal Rabbi preaching tolerance says in the next breath he wouldn't attend a mixed marriage wedding, even if it were his brother's.

Young Haredi girls wear clothes for a Chicago November on hot scorching day.

Rabbi Shmeli Boteach is the only person The Jerusalem Post could find to defend Barack Obama.

Journalists are free to cover the Syrian conflict from the safety of Tel Aviv.

There are Shabbat Elevators so people who observe the Sabbath don't have to actually press any buttons. Only the elevators are so loud, that it's hard to rest because the doors are opening and closing constantly.

You can put anything in a pita, except pasta.

What would you add?

One answer to the question: What do I do for a living?

2011-05-09T14:11:00.002-05:00

I wrote about it here: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=9292&blogid=142

Excavation

2011-04-26T18:08:00.001-05:00

In July or August, God Willing (sorry to get religious on you, but I’m not certain it will happen until it happens) I will have a “roommate.” And although I have had roommates before, I haven’t had one in seven years and never one of this sort.

To prepare, I have been going through old things and throwing out what I need and don’t need to make room for said roommate and his belongings. However, he won’t have many belongings, so this task isn’t actually physically necessary, but more spiritually so.

Cleaning for me is like losing weight. If I plan to do it, I never will. So I take advantage of spurt of energy and motivation (which is usually just procrastination of something else I don’t want to be doing) and go through the large plastic cartons I must have bought from Target years ago.

I hate moving, and for someone my age who is not married, I haven’t moved all that much. But when I moved seven years ago I felt like a fugitive. Very quickly I had to leave a place where I was living with roommates (one who was my brother who was getting married and moving into a house with his wife) find a somewhere to live and settle in. The funny thing about this is that for at least six months prior, I knew I’d be moving, but I thought I’d be moving to Israel with my then fiancé. However, I never made a plan for the interim, which I don’t understand. I had no plan from June 1-September 1. This makes me wonder if this is yet another sign that perhaps deep, deep down I knew I wasn’t going to be moving to Israel and I wasn’t going to be getting married.

[In honor of the last day of Passover, perhaps the Hebrews deep down knew they would be fleeing from Egypt, but still put bread in the oven just in case Pharaoh changed his mind again.]

So when I moved out of my brother’s condo in June of 2004 I didn’t clean out much of anything, just placed unnecessary remnants in plastic containers, and maintained this pattern since. I’m not a hoarder or anything, but as I sort through the big plastic boxes of documents, bills and sometimes random items, I’m forced to confront my past.

Since I started cleaning (which was embarrassingly enough last August – I know, I know, like I said, it’s not my strength) the boxes are (not surprisingly) stacked in order of years like an archaeological dig. This is accidental, because if I had an organizational prowess, I wouldn’t have the stacks in the first place. So today I cleaned 2007. What I found (of interest):

1. My parents’ trusts

2. All of the manuals to my kitchen appliances and car

3. A pearl necklace. The box makes it look like it’s valuable. Who gave me a pearl necklace in 2007?

4. A wrist radio that I worked out with (I know that sounds like 1997, but it was in there).

5. The medal from riding the M.S. 150.

This week In Israel, my roommate-to-be explained to me the process of construction in the country. (I knew this already, but because he is a tour educator he sometimes adds interesting facts, which he did.) Because there are so many artifacts, all construction is stopped and delayed if any antiquities are found during the process of digging. Once the site has been properly excavated and recorded, construction can continue. This makes the process of building anything in Israel long and arduous (also add in the nightmarish bureaucracy)

It makes me laugh to hear people complain about the amount of time it’s taking to open a Trader Joe’s on Clark and Diversey, just as it makes others laugh that it’s taken me 7 months to go through four years of boxes.

What can I say? I guess I’m on Ramses II's time table.

An idea for Health Care Reform that won't piss everyone off

2011-04-08T18:16:00.002-05:00

Health care reform in the not for profit community (NFP) is a hot button and divisive issue. However, no matter the cost, many people prioritize health insurance. Many organizations, often to their financial peril, offer health insurance to their employees. Some simply cannot due to their small size.

However, over the last decade, health care costs have skyrocketed, which have put all NFPs in a difficult decision: fund the goals of their mission or fund their employees’ health benefits. It’s a sad predicament, one that drives people out of the NFP sector or if they have benefits, keeps them at a job too long because even though they are burnt out, they can’t move to another NFP that doesn’t offer health insurance.

NFP professionals, who at least in the mid and lower levels have always been women, at some point were probably expected, with a few exceptions here and there, to use their husbands’ health
insurance plans for medical care. However, as social paradigms have changed (women aren’t married, or are marrying later) and the economy has faltered (men don’t have benefits either), the stress of health
insurance could, sorry for the bad pun, make someone sick.

Until health care reform is resolved either way, why can’t we pool every (insert state) NFP’s resources into one health insurance plan. The premiums would then be divided among every NFP throughout Illinois based on the number of employees insured.

If this conglomeration is too large, at least allow NFPs to band together until they reach 100 employees to be able to offer affordable health care. This could allow groups from across the NFP spectrum to reduce their health insurance costs and not have to decide between educating 10 more children or insuring their employees.

Since this concept is illegal, and it shouldn’t be, perhaps that is a public policy we could all agree on. (If not, let me know why, I’m curious).

What do you think and how can we make this happen?

What do you think of this plan for Israel?

2011-04-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

I met with a 73 year old Israeli who is an expert in the Middle East. He was there in pre state Palestine during the Jerusalem siege; he fought in Abu Tor during the Six Day War. He was a tour guide and an outstanding person. Much of this is what he thinks this should be the final peace between Israel and the Palestinians and to keep the state of Israel a modern state. There are some elements of this that are from other people as well. I may or may not agree with these ideas, so don't attack me personally, please. I'm just putting it out there.

What do you think?

Pre 67 borders with a few adjustments (Maale Adumim)
Jerusalem run by its local population with IDF security for 50 years
All international border security controlled by IDF for 50 years.
Settlers financially incentivized to live in the North or South. All moving costs covered.
Jerusalem home owners must either live there or have renters. Show proof of habitation at least 8 months/year.
High Speed Train from Gaza to West Bank.
Israeli Arabs can stay with full citizenship rights.
Creation of Civil Marriage.
Only 1800 yeshiva students exempt/year from army or national service.
In order to qualify for child tax credits, incentivize Haredim to work 20 hours/week.

Answers to your questions: what it's like to be 35 and single

2011-03-17T23:11:00.003-05:00

Today marks seven years since I was given a new lease on life. It also coincides with one of the worst and saddest days I've ever experienced. However, sometimes the worst personal calamities are - long term - life's biggest gifts.That's not to say that the pain from that that time didn't linger, It has at times it mutated like a antibiotic resistant bacteria, hardly recognizable from the original disease, but clearly originating from the primary sickness.If you were to ask me seven years ago, I would have told you that for sure after the breakup that I would bounce back, fall in love again, be married, and have kids by now. For a myriad of reasons, that hasn't happened. And as I approach my 35th birthday, the gulf that divides me from my married friends, those of my parent's generation widens and widens.
I asked for people's questions about "what it's like to be single and almost 35" because I do sometimes feel like a freak to my friends and to my parents' friends - a lovable, cute, funny freak, but still a freak. So I thought I'd answer some questions to bridge the divide. I requested questions from my Facebook friends, twitter followers and Scarpetta readers. Here are their questions, and here are my answers. I don't speak for every single woman, just myself.

I have a few single friends in their 30s. In my 20s I used to set them up with single guys all the time just in the spirit of going out and meeting someone new. Now I figure if they want to be set up they'll ask. Is this the best approach.

I think one of the biggest issues with set ups is that sometimes married people set up single people based on no evidence of compatibility other than the fact that the two people are single. If you set up your friends thoughtfully, I think it's welcome whether you are 25 or 70.

I have a question...when I was single I drank a lot more than I do now that I'm married. Do you drink as much now vs. your 20s?

I have reduced my drinking considerably over the past two years, and specifically over the past year. One is for financial reasons and two is because I found that almost every poor decision I have ever made was while inebriated. I rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks if I go out. Not drinking also has it's negative side. It has definitely made me less "fun" and I go out less. This leads to a bit of isolation, which isn't great either.

As a 35 year old never-been-married single mom, I find that I don't really fit in anywhere socially. I can't hang out with my old friends who don't have children because their schedules are completely different and we no longer have anything in common. Then the married with children couples I meet, tend to shy away from me. I'm still a little baffled by this rejection, but it continues to occur. I'm guessing people only want to be friends with people exactly like them, meaning 3's a crowd. What do you think?

I'm not sure why married people wouldn't want to hang out, but I know I'm guilty of not wanting to hang out with married couples with kids frequently. A very small part of it is jealousy induced depression. My friends are living the life that I thought that I would have. Part of it is that it's hard to have a conversation with someone who is only half listening to you because their focus, as it should be, is on their husband and kids. My friends who are married with kids are cognizant of this and sometimes I'll meet just my girlfriend out for dinner, or my girlfriend and her husband, and sometimes I come by their home to hang out with them and the kids. It's all about balance. As for married people who don't want to hang out with a single mom, I have no idea what to tell you. I think focusing on the mom friendships vs. the couple friendships would make more sense.
I do wish I spent more time with my married friends who have kids. I miss them, a lot.

To what extremes have you gone to get a date (online, speed dating, etc.)?

I've been on jdate, eharmony, match, some Jewish set up service. None of them were for me, but I think they are great and a lot of relationships come from them. I don't think any of these things are considered extreme anymore, though. My current relationship is with someone I was friends with first for a year and then we moved into something more.

Biological clock concerns?

Yes, of course I have them, but I'm not driven by them. I would like kids, but I realize with every passing year it will become more difficult to have them naturally. I hope that I will be blessed with them, but I don't know that I will take it into my own hands (sperm donor) or adopt without a partner. I can't rule anything out at this point.

Why don't you just write about how being a single-ish woman in your 30s has ceased to have negative cultural cachet?

I'm glad that you think it has ceased. In my (Jewish) community, though, that is not the case. It is antithetical to Judaism to not have a family when the first commandment in the Bible is to procreate. There also isn't room for celibacy like there is in the Catholic Church with nuns and priests. It's not that single women are ostracized, but we are looked at like we are suffering from a disability or disease.

I do think in the Bourgeoisie secular world, being single and in your 30s isn't that big of a deal and is even glamorized. I don't reside their much, though.

Maybe you can discuss how social media/fb has impacted being single. Like, how one just used to hang out with people with similar lifestyles/interests and now everyone's "friends" post annoying (well, what i can only assume is annoying to non-kids people) updates on their kids. Oh, and someone in your comment thread mentioned that the married are probably envious of the singletons. I don't think that generalization is any truer than to assume that singletons are jealous of married and/or parents.

I know that there are people who are single who have quit Facebook because they get too depressed by seeing all of their friends documenting their married lives with beautiful children etc. I also know married people who aren't or won't join Facebook because they aren't in happy marriages and/or they have difficult kids and do not have the energy to put up a facade. I also know people who are unhappily married with and without kids who post on Facebook to provide more false documentation of a happy life.

I personally like to see my friends who are married and with kids on Facebook. It's fun to see how my friends have evolved as parents, and because I love kids, I like to see the pictures and read the cute things their friends say. What I find most annoying from someone who is single or married is a lot of bitching about their lives.

I agree, generalizations aren't great to make. But I would guess the adage "the grass is always greener" is probably true, at least some times.

All I know is that there are so many women in this situation and don't want to be in it...How much of the problem is with men, in general, who don't want to commit? And, how much falls on the shoulders of women who give men too much in hopes that they will commit -- only to be let down? It's very frustrating for all my single girl friends...

There is an article that was written by Tracy McMillan titled Why You are not Married. I know it offended a lot of feminists, but I found that for myself it was pretty much dead on. I realized some of what she said before I read the article, but I wish I would have realized her points a long time ago, or at least embraced them.

As for men, I don't pretend to understand why they will or will not commit. If I were to guess, I would say that sometimes they just don't like a woman that much or find her too clingy or annoying. (I myself have been guilty of being too clingy). But usually, I would say, that the answer to that question often has very little to do with any individual woman that they are dating and rather where they are in their own lives, baggage from their parent's marriage, or other self esteem issues.

If anyone agrees/disagrees with anything I've said, I welcome your comments. Or if you have any more questions, I'm happy to answer them.

The Council of *#&( I lost another phone

2011-03-11T15:35:00.001-06:00

Enjoy a self deprecating, slightly preachy, somewhat funny? post from me in today's Oy Chicago http://www.oychicago.com/blog.
aspx?id=8982 about losing my phone, that I didn't even really want in the first place and what that has to do with The Council of Dads.

What is it like to be almost 35 and single?

2011-03-08T19:21:00.000-06:00

Dear friends and readers,

I have an article due, and I'd like to write about what it's really like to be unmarried and in your mid 30s. The only problem is that it's so normal for me to be single and in my mid 30s that I don't know exactly what to write.

But I know that there are questions, and I'm ready and willing to answer them.

The people who I think have the most questions are:

1. Jewish mothers who have daughters who are in their 30s and are unmarried
2. Girls in their 20s who are scared of being in their mid 30s and unmarried
3. Married people who forgot what it's like to be single and wonder what if
4. People who are worried about their single friends in their 30s
5. Teenagers - because they are generally curious about everything
6 You?

So let's hear it. What are you questions?

Comment on this blog, email me, or tweet me @scarpetablog

And thanks for your help with the article?

During registration, I'll be dreaming of Halava

2011-02-11T16:38:00.000-06:00

Read about my 10 favorite foods to eat in Israel.

During registration, I'll be dreaming of Halava

2011-02-11T16:36:00.002-06:00

Read about my top 10 favorite foods to eat in Israel: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.
aspx?id=8680&blogid=142

Debbie Friedman

2011-01-14T15:13:00.000-06:00

Wrote a personal piece about Debbie Friedman's passing in my Oy Chicago blog post this month.

Give a little bit...

2010-12-24T01:53:00.000-06:00

Every year I try to provide a list of not for profits for you to consider giving to before the end of the year (and the tax year). Even if you don't give to these organizations, they are interesting to learn about. I wish all of my readers a Healthy and Happy New Year. Feel free to leave a comment with your favorite not for profit.

General Recommended Not For Profits

Southern Public Defender Training Center

Interfaith Youth Core

The Night Ministry

Season of Sharing

Care International

H20 Africa Foundation

Big Brothers Big Sisters

Disabled Veterans Charitable Service Trust

Sierra Club Foundation

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network

To Health

Many of my friends are fans of Doctors Without Borders

My friend Dana suggested this fund that helps people pay for transplants.

My family has been impacted by Multiple Sclerosis.

My cousin Robert Kinberg passed away last summer from a brain tumor.

Friends and family have lost loved ones or a currently fighting the following diseases:

ALS

Pancreatic Cancer

Juvenile Diabetes

Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

American Cancer Society

Ten Jewish Organizations

American Jewish World Service does good work throughout the world.

Facing History and Ourselves is a great educational organization that teaches about the Holocaust and other genocides and more.

Mazon is a Jewish response to hunger.

Hadassah is reinventing itself.

Love the values taught by Panim.

Good volunteer work being done by Avodah, the Jewish Service Corps and Otzma.

My youth was greatly enhanced by the South Bend Hebrew Day School, Sinai Synagogue and the Jewish Federation of St. Joseph Valley.

Ten Jewish Organizations (Conflicts of Interest)

I am happily employed by Shorashim an organization dedicated to bringing Jewish Americans and Israelis together via culturally based programs.

Shorashim receives support from these stellar organizations JUF, JNF, CJP, and The Jewish Federation of Greater Washington D.C.

Shorashim received grants for a project I'm involved in from the ICenter and the Jewish Education Project.

Most of my work has to do with Taglit-Birthright Israel.

I'm a member and some time employee of Anshe Emet Synagogue. I used to work at the Chicagoland Jewish High School.

Letter to Miley Cyrus

2010-12-17T17:13:00.000-06:00

My latest post in Oy Chicago is an open letter to

Happy Chanukah!

2010-12-04T18:21:00.001-06:00

It’s Chanukah night four. Almost time to light the candles. And after listening to the Maccabeats “Candlelight” (2:05-2:30 is the best singing. Go Gingi!) over and over (resistance is futile) and reading the hysterical (with a few anti-Semitic and anti-Israel) comments on Youtube, I think it’s time that a public declaration is made.

It’s time to stop being apologists about Chanukah.

Yes, you know who you are. The people who say, Chanukah is only a popular holiday because it’s near Christmas. Perhaps the popularity part is true, but who cares? Chanukah has been an important Jewish holiday for over 1000 years. The reason the celebration of it changed in about 140 C.E. to focus on the “miracle of the candlelight” was because Judaism changed from a nationalistic religion to entirely a spiritual one. The holidays then that really mattered were the ones based on spirituality and time (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover, Shavuot). The dreydel, as I learned as a kid, was created as a ruse for kids to grab quickly to play so they wouldn’t get in trouble in anti-Semitic societies if they were studying Jewish texts.

It's the 21st century. There is a Jewish Nation State with modern day Maccabees (although most of them aren’t religious zealots like the original Maccabees. Chanukah is not just a story about fighting the Assyrian Greeks but it was also a Jewish civil war to wipe out elements of assimilation) living in Israel. We have a globally thriving Jewish community who shouldn’t feel that Chanukah is Christmas’ concubine.

Du du du du. Du du du du.

Also, the lessons from the Chanukah story are lovely. They commemorate perseverance during adversity, valuing of freedom of religion and being thankful for miracles. And who wouldn’t mind a miracle right now with rising unemployment, two unwinnable wars, a lame and lame duck Congress, a State Department that has lost much of its international credibility, fires in Israel, etc. etc.?

So I’m going to go light my Chanukiah (menorah), say the blessings, and then limit myself to 10 more listens of Candlelight and the South Park Dreydel song (a little offensive). Then I need to clean my apartment after last night’s work Shabbanica party because my parents are spending the night here tomorrow to celebrate Chanukah with their grandchildren, and remember my awesome Zadie who was born on the fifth candle. On the sixth candle, I hope my present is a good report from my dad’s doctor that he is three years Cancer free.

Happy Chanukah!

How to keep synagogue education relevant

2010-11-19T15:45:00.000-06:00

If you want to know the answer, or at least my opinion, check out my post in OyChicago. They titled it Synagogue 2.0

http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=8038

May his memory be for a blessing

2010-11-07T20:11:00.004-06:00

It is just shocking to me to think that he was just 27 when he was a principal at the South Bend Hebrew Day School. With the help of my dad, and other businessmen and doctors in the community, he built a Jewish Day School in the city known for Touchdown Jesus, not the 5 books of Moses. I only knew him as a preschooler and a family friend until I was 22, living in Israel on Otzma, and being hosted by him and his wife for several Shabbat meals in Jerusalem.

He was a big fan of my dad’s and the feeling was mutual. They were two good men along with other good men and women fostering Jewish education in a community that would benefit greatly from it. He had a great laugh and a big smile. He had three great loves: his family, Jewish education and Israel.

Recently when he reconnected with my brother on Facebook, who was a star pupil in 1982, he quizzed him on the shoreshim (roots) from the Tanakh. My brother, at age 40, still remembered them and I’m sure Rabbi Schwartz beamed across the ocean as he did when he clicked “like” on half the pictures from my niece’s bat mitzvah a few weeks ago.

Facebook. Such an interesting place. Rabbi Schwartz would reconnect with his students from 30 years prior from South Bend, Indiana. He would see that some became ultra-Orthodox, were liberal Jews married to other Jews, some were in same sex relationships, some were married to gentiles, some were still 34 (or 39-you know who you are) and single. I wondered, as he became friends with all of these people, if he would eventually defriend them because they did not meet his Orthodox standards. On the contrary, he commented on all of our walls when we wrote something he liked or if someone had a birthday or announced the death of a parent or grandparent or the birth of a child. It’s not that I don’t think that he had an opinion on our lifestyles, but what was most important was that we were his students, his now adult children and he was literally virtually apart of our lives again.

Today in my religious school class, my lesson was from Panim and it was about the differences between Tsedek, Tsedakah and Chesed. In summary, tsedkah is giving, tsedek is more thoughtful giving and chesed is the giving of your time. Rabbi Schwartz definitely fell into the chesed category. Part of being an Orthodox Jew for him was dedicating his life to teaching Jewish kids from many different backgrounds without judgment of their family lifestyle or overzealous kiruv. He exemplified derech eretz - behaving honorably and because of that his impact was vast.

In an age when we talk about how to be pluralistic in the Jewish Community, Rabbi Schwartz lived it with his work at small town Day Schools across North America since the 1970s. He made an indelible imprint on my family, as I’m sure he did on so many families during his 40 plus career in education here and in Israel.

I work at a pluralistic Jewish organization that employs and teaches religious, liberal and secular Jews in Israel and the U.S. While my own beliefs are liberal, I feel most comfortable with Jews across the religious spectrum rather than in a place that disavows or embraces one dogma over the other. I appreciate the beauty of Orthodox Judaism while recognizing that for me, it just isn’t how I want to express my religiosity. However, that appreciation has propelled me to walk to the kotel at 5 a.m. from Har Nof, visit a settlement in the West Bank, hear Hatikva at the Great Synagogue on Yom Kipur while refusing to join even a modern Othodox Synagogue because I am a feminist and support gay rights.

I don’t know that Rabbi Schwartz would agree with my paradox, but I know he would have been happy to see me and hear about the work that I do on my next trip to Israel in December. Sadly, he passed away this weekend. I’m glad he was able to see what we were up to virtually, as well as many of his other students. I’m happy he saw my parents recently in a visit to South Bend, as there was much mutual admiration.

One funny thing is recently I was sent to Rabbi Schwartz’s website as a model for doing a project I’m working on. I was told that he might be a good person with whom to collaborate.

And it made me think, we don’t collaborate with projects, we collaborate with people. In the end, it might matter less how we learn or what we learn, but from whom we learn.

We were all very lucky to be students of Rabbi Schwartz, of blessed memory.

To his wonderful family, May the Omnipresent comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Glossary:

Otzma: one year volunteer program in Israel
shoreshim (roots) from the Tanakh- The Tanakh is the Five Books of Moses, the Books of the Prophets, and the Writings of the Minor Prophets. Every Hebrew word has a three letter root. Shalom = slm. The same is true in Arabic. Salaam- slm. They mean the same thing: peace.
Panim - Jewish organization that teaches about social justice among other things
kiruv - Jews reaching out to other Jews to introduce them to more traditional aspects of Judaism. Depending on the context and who you are defined whether it is negative or positive.
Har Nof- and ultra Orthodox section of Jerusalem
kotel- the Western Wall, wall of the Second Temple still remaining
Hatikva- Israel's national anthem
May the Omnipresent...- traditional words to say to those in mourning.

Why bullies and MTV suck

2010-10-25T20:27:00.000-05:00

You can read why here. Thanks for reading:

http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=7814&blogid=142

Tweet Tweet

2010-10-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

I wrote an intro to tweeting and why it can you make you a more committed Jewish person in OyChicago. Read it here: http://bit.ly/dCNJtQ

Have a good week!

Lesson plan to discuss the death of Tyler Clementi

2010-10-01T01:11:00.002-05:00

This lesson is meant for high school students. Warning: it’s explicit and where you work might not receive it well. Also, this is for Jewish high school students, but that's just who I teach. The messages are universal.

Opening: Ask the students whether or not they have heard about the death of the Rutgers’ student.

Review what happened: This LA times story is good, but it’s better if you can use a news clip like this one: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6916357n&tag=related;photovideo

Like the synagogue I work at, you might not have easy access to internet, so here is the link to a print story:
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-rutgers-suicide-20101001,0,2307696.story
Hand the students the quotes of Jewish “values” text and have them mark which ones were violated in this tragic event. http://www.justaction.org/lessonplans/Section1/Chapter1/Chapter1_Lesson4.pdf

Ask the students how many values on the list were violated in this situation. The number will range, but it will be a significant percentage of the many values listed.

Ask the students if they think the number of values violated correlate to the ultimate tragedy: the death of a human being and why or why not?

Ask the students what, if anything could have been done to prevent the tragedy?

According to the LA times article, one of the alleged perpetrators tweeted:: "Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."

Read the following from http://www.justaction.org/lessonplans/Section1/Chapter1/Chapter1_Lesson4.pdf
Hakaim Takim Imo – הָקֵם תָּקִים עִמּוֹ – you shall surely lift up with him – A law designed to encourage aid to one in distress, even one’s enemy (Exodus 23:4; T.B. Baba Metzia 32a).

Halbanat Panim – הַלְבָּנַת פָּנִים – avoidance of humiliating someone in public – The loss of personal dignity at the hands of others is considered one of the gravest wrongs in Judaism, akin to murder (T.B. Moed Katan 9b; T.B. Baba Mezia 58bff.; Tractate Kallah, Minor Tractates of the Talmud).

Hochai’ach Tochee’ach – הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ – you shall rebuke – The obligation to be a social critic when you see that society or individuals are making terrible mistakes. Such criticism is viewed as an expression of care for others (Leviticus 19:17; Genesis Rabbah 54).

It is unclear if Molly was in the room, however persons must have seen that Tweet. Had they adhered to the above, perhaps something in motion could have been stopped.

Why is it so hard to stop others from doing evil?

Print this and use some of the questions: http://www.facinghistory.org/resources/facingtoday/what-bystanders-do-when-they and discuss the bystander effect. Print out this story: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/10/28/california.gang.rape.bystander/index.html
If you have internet access, play this: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114287592

Ask the students when they have been bystanders, for incidents on the net or even for small off line incidents. As the teacher, you should have a story prepared to start the ball rolling. Discuss why it’s so hard to “interfere” with other people’s business. Ask the students what do they you do if they see that:

Janet has wrote on Cindy’s Facebook wall: “You are such a slut for screwing my ex.”
You receive an SMS that includes a picture of someone’s private parts.
Your friend mass texts to everyone “Jamie is a faggot.”

Takeaway: The students who secretly taped the 18 year old of having sex are easily condemnable, whatever their intentions. (I doubt they thought their actions would lead in a loss of life). Less obvious are those who knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it or to prevent the video from being disseminated. Actually, it is obvious: Judaism commands you to not be a bystander. The wisdom of our sages applies especially in the digital age:

May Tyler Clementi’s memory be for a blessing.

Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.- Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5; Babylonian Talmud Tractate Sanhedrin 37a

Heroes

2010-09-25T22:28:00.003-05:00

I had been having a hard time getting into the Jewish Community Heroes project sponsored by The Jewish Federations of North America. Then I received something on Facebook asking me to vote for my friend who was nominated: , and at first (no offense to the person, you know I love you) I was like, what makes this person a hero?

But then I thought about it, and I am happy that so many diverse Jewish people are being recognized for their commitment to Jewish life and can serve as models for the so many disengaged Jewish Americans who are like the idiot son in the Seder who can't ask a question (come on, he's an idiot. He could have asked how Matza is made.)

I also give credit the the Jewish Federations of North America for coming up with something innovative and grass roots. Nice work. It's also great to see so many people working so hard for Jewish causes, both meta and micro.

So who did I vote for? A bunch of different people. Two I know, the rest I don't.

I'll tell you who I think should be on the list next year:

1. A Congregational Rabbi (NYC)
2. A woman who is the Executive Director of a Jewish Federation (IN)
3. A guy who runs an organization devoted to Mifgash (Chicago)
4. A woman who started a center for Israel education (Chicago)
5. A woman who works her tush off for Taglit-Birthright Israel (LA)
6. My dad
7. A former principal of small city Day Schools (Israel but much of career in U.S.)
8. A principal and Rebbetzin (IN)
9. A great teacher with her PhD (Chicago)
10. A great MD who studies Jewish ethics in the realm of the world of OBGYN (Chicago
11. Another Congregational Rabbi (NYC)
12. A great informal educator (Boston)
13. A asst VP at a Jewish Federation who is awesome and energetic (Chicago)
14. A young woman who brought a hip Jewish publication to fruition (Chicago)
15. Jewish Educator (FL)
16. Holocaust Survivor who tells her story (Chicago)
17. Founder of Clinic to provide affordable health care for the poor (IN)
18. A woman who has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for not for profits (IN)
19. An assistant basketball coach for an NBA team (Boston)
20. Jewish Educator (Chicago)
21. A Veteran of the Iraq War (DC)
22. Congregational Rabbi (Deerfield)
23. A young woman battling MS who started a fund to battle the illness(CA)
24. Founder of program that empowers teens to get involved politically
25. history professor/minyan starter (CA)

But that's for next year. Go vote here: Jewish Community Heroes . It's motivating to read through the nominations and gave me a push that I can always be doing a little more...

An author offered to become a parrot and perch on my shoulder

2010-08-27T19:36:00.000-05:00

His name is Etgar Keret. If you want to know about the parrot, read here. More importantly below I have a link to his short stories that are translated and online.

http://www.laweekly.com/authors/etgar-keret/. You can buy his anthologies online translated into English. (Except for the most recent one, it's only in Hebrew).

If you are still reading, something awesome happened besides the parrot thing. This year when I was teaching high schoolers about Israel on Sundays, I brought some of his short stories to class and we read them during one of our last sessions. None of the students had ever heard of them.

Last night I saw one of the students at the reading. She was first in line to buy a copy of his book and get it signed. I was so happy, but too shy to say hello to her. That kind of happiness lives in the fourth dimension that Keret talked about last night.

The Man by the Lake

2010-08-08T16:41:00.004-05:00

On a balmy Saturday night, August 7, 2010 the city of Chicago was a flurry of activity. With at least three street festivals, Lollapalooza. and a major league baseball game, the glory of summer in Chicago was palpable. And of course what has become sadly norm, there were murders in the City on Saturday as well, which will be followed by wailing mourners at funerals this week proving the Great Gatsby is alive and well in the Midwest.

But something spectacular happened on Saturday night that has nothing to do Green Day’s epic concert, a woman making potato pancakes at Retro on Roscoe, or even a boater saved from drowning.

Cindy Friedman, a Lakeview resident, met up with her friend Betsy at Fullerton and the lake to watch the Navy Pier fireworks. Several other people were there, too, taking in the bright flashes in the dark summer sky above Lake Michigan. Cindy and Betsy were chatting when they noticed a man and woman walking South on the lake front path. Both women noticed that the man was wearing an air cast, but seemed very uncomfortable and was walking with a heavy limp and his foot was going off to the right.

Shortly after he passed them, one of the fireworks spectators started running to the man with the air cast. He yelled, “Sir, hold on, wait, your boot is on backwards, let me help you.”

The man with the air cast said that he had been shot, and this is how the cast was put on.

The fireworks spectator “took off the man’s sock and boot, completely redid it for the man, twisted the boot the right way, spent time with the guy, explaining what was wrong,” Cindy said.

When the man and his friend continued walking south, it was evident that his foot was straight and he was limping much less and looked much more comfortable.

Cindy and Betsy lauded their fellow fireworks spectator. He shrugged and said, “This is what I do when I see a boot not fitting the way it should.”

The good citizen fits children for leg braces for a living.

“It is a beautiful thing to be able to see a good Samaritan at work,” Cindy said. “There should only be more people like the man by the lake.”

written after seeing Cindy's posting on Facebook!

Children's Literary Journal

2010-08-01T20:21:00.001-05:00

My friends have kids who are very creative and amazing. After talking to a friend today, I decided to start an online children's literary journal for 7-17 year olds.

If you know of a kid, tween or teen who likes to write or create art and would like to publish their work, check out the guidelines for publication.

Why am I doing this? I remember being a kid who liked to write, and it would have been nice to have something like this.

Where the author left me

2010-07-09T00:32:00.000-05:00

Recently I’ve been thinking about a book nonstop that I finished several days ago. This happens to me from time to time. However, usually I don’t have the opportunity, as I did this evening, to attend a reading and meet the author of a book that holds hostage my brain for days, sometimes weeks, and sometimes years at a time.

It’s not always an entire narrative that captivates my unbridled interest. Sometimes it’s just a scene, a paragraph or a character. In addition, what captivates me need not contribute significantly to the plot. For example, the last scene in “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” has stuck with me since I read it over a month ago.

The novel currently occupying my brain cells is “This is Where I Leave You” by Jonathan Tropper, and what I haven’t (until tonight) been able to resolve is how I could enjoy the journey and the persona of the protagonist, while at the same time loathing his misogynist and superficial summations of women and what a man wants in a women.

In fact, Judd Foxman has confirmed what I’ve suspected men think all along: if you aren’t a woman who looks like a model, you aren’t much of a woman at all.

But still, despite my disappointment in Judd, I still adored him. It reminded me of my favorite quote from Eat, Pray Love, a book that I initially loved and then wanted to burn at the end of reading it: “I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential...I have been a victim of my own optimism. “

Could Judd possibly as big of an asshole as he seemed? Is this really how men are? How they think?

Mr Tropper answered my question. He said, there is a part of all men that are like that. However, Judd is wearing the lenses of a man (and this is on the back of the book so I’m not ruining anything) whose beloved wife has slept with his boss for an entire year and he has just found out about it. He is emasculated, humiliated, and devastated. Of course he is going to look at women negatively.

So Mr. Tropper has rented some sympathy for Judd. But then I realized that had Judd been a woman whose husband had cheated on her, I would have no problem with the male depictions in the book. It is just jarring to read it from a different perspective. The female characters include three adulterous women, a therapist engaged to her patient, and a mother more eccentric than the Barbara Streisand character in Meet the Fockers.

What left me thinking is that despite how empathetic I may think I am, I will inevitably jump to the wrong conclusions sometimes about what motivates people and characters to do what they do and think what they think.

It reminds of a story of when my friend Scott dropped me off at synagogue before Sunday School and I was fretting.

“There’s no way the receptionist actually made the copies or made them correctly. I’m going to just have to do it myself and I’m going to be rushed. I just know it.”

And Scott wisely told me, “Sharna, you don’t know anything.”

And more often than not, he’s right.

Just like, in what I think was the most poignant part the book, Judd realizes what he has thought all along about his relationship with his brother is inaccurate and skewed. I too frequently fall into that pattern and think most of us do.

….

At the book reading I asked Mr. Tropper if he is Jewish. He said that he is and that it would have been really gutsy for someone not Jewish to write a book about a family observing shiva. Then he went on to dismiss the notion (which I didn’t suggest but many other have) that this is a Jewish book.

Mr. Tropper, this is a Jewish book and on your tour you should consider going to Temple B’nai Beth Israel Shalom Emet Sinai Hillel Tikvah. It’s not just the setting that is Jewish, but the conflicts faced by the characters are Jewish problems. It doesn’t mean that the book is not appealing to all audiences, but “This is Where I Leave You” deals with Jewish apathy, identity problems, intermarriage, faithlessness and dysfunctional relationships between parents and their children.

Besides, the spread that they will have at the JCC will probably be better than that ice coffee you drank at Borders.

…..

And one more thing. It is clear that your characters were not very good Hebrew school students as there is a major theological flaw in your entire Shiva premise. Do you know what it is?

…………

New York Times take on the book

Excerpt

Author's Web Site

4th of July Reflections

2010-07-03T06:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. It happens. Here are my last two articles that I blogged for oychicago.

Reflections on the 4th of July: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=6796

Moses couldn't but you can http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=6658

Enjoy and have a Happy 4th.

Help a 27 year old beat cancer

2010-05-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

Elissa Froman, 27, lovingly called "Lissy" by her friends has beaten cancer twice.

With your help, she will beat Hodgkins Lymphoma a third time.

I've written a lot about signing up for the Bone Marrow Registry, and maybe you didn't have time or just had too much on your mind.

Don't worry. You have another chance to save someone's life and be treated to brunch if you live in the Chicago area. To sign up, all you do is fill out a form and get your cheek swabbed. It takes about 10 minutes including filling out the form. How slow you eat your breakfast depends on you. If you have any questions contact Beverly Agdern bagern@gmail.com or 773-807-2388.

When: May 23
Time: 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Place: Anshe Shalom
540 West Melrose Street

Chicago, IL 60657-3752
(773) 248-9200

(If you don't live in Chicago, you can click here to get a kit mailed to you )

To read more about Lissy, check out her blog.

Good story for a good weekend

2010-05-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

Read it in Oy!Chicago http://oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=6308

Scarpeta launches word game

2010-04-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

Scarpeta will post a new word of the day and 10 words that you can't use to describe it. Your goal is to get 3 people to guess it without realizing that they are playing a game. Or make it a ritualized car pool or lunchtime game. All words are to be about something going on in the daily news. For example:

Icelandic Volcano

Any country in Western or Eastern Europe
Atlantic Ocean
Sky
Ash
Any word that does or can start with the word Air
Funeral
President
Obama
Disaster
Natural
Fire
Economic

Reaction to the Million Dollar Bat Mitzvah

2010-04-19T20:58:00.000-05:00

Today on my way to work listening to WGN, the morning show was reading from the New York Post about million dollar bar and bat mitzvah parties.

Ugh.

Bar and Bat Mitzvahs began their out of control spiral in the 1950s when American Jews, during the beginning of national consumerism as we now know it, began celebrating the children’s rite of passage (more boys than girls at the time) with lavish parties to mark not only a Jewish kid’s entry into adulthood, but the fact that Jews finally found a country that, besides a few drinking fountains, park benches, fraternities, sororities and country clubs, let its Jewish community succeed and thrive to be full members of society.

As I listened to the outlandish Bat Mitzvah story, I wondered if there is a defense of this. One of the bat mitzvah parental sponsors said the Bat Mitzvah cost the correct percentage of the family’s income.

Alright, creative answer.

In my attempt to look at the other side, I thought of all the people who are employed because of a lavish Bar or Bat Mitzvah: catering, servers, dancers, choreographers, security, tailors, Jon Bon Jovi (he has a lot of kids!), band members, janitorial staff, florists, dry cleaners, babysitters and plastic surgeons, hair stylists and makeup artists.

After all the Talmud says,

"Give someone a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach someone to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Another reason is that in a religion that marks so many tragedies, Jewish simchas (happy occasions) are notoriously lavish (especially in the Orthodox community) because it’s important to give it your all during the good times. In fact, Jewish people don’t have double weddings, because it’s not right to do a 2 for one party, because you short the community one party.

So then why is the million dollar bat mitzvah so distasteful, more so than a big wedding? And why can’t Rabbis stop one from happening?

The second question is easier than the first. It’s hard not to stop your congregant from throwing a big party when 1. It’s a free country 2. It’s not prohibited by Jewish law 3. The new wing is named after the bat mitzvah girl’s great grandparents, may they rest in peace. The greater good of the new classrooms to teach Jewish values outweighs the problematic pageantry.

One argument is that a big party takes away from the point: a bar or bat mitzvah is a time to enter the covenant as an adult. The celebration detracts from the ritual.

This is true, but it needs to be tweaked.

The ritual is not necessarily so important or meaningful. Ask any kid who tries to draw meaning from a Torah portion about leprosy or archaic sacrifices. Ask the kid whose voice is changing and has to sing in front of 300 people. LOVE THAT KID.

What is important is that the child becomes a full-fledged member of the community and is the best way to teach a kid to enter a communal setting, and Judaism is supposed to be about the community and less about the individual, through extravagance when there are people who have nothing to feed their children or the ability to pay for basic necessities?

It’s just not. I’m sure the same people who spend a million dollar on a bat mitzvah, donate that much or more to charities. And that’s wonderful. But your 13 year old needs to understand, and you have the obligation to ”teach them diligently,” that happiness does not emerge from grossly lavish celebrations, but from the open arms of a community that (should) welcomes you because of who you are, the values you commit to and not the number of ice cream flavors you have on the sundae bar.

The New York Post article

Tea Party's Kettle has finally boiled over

2010-04-16T01:14:00.000-05:00

Scarpetta has uncovered shocking news that the Tea Party movement is not filled with sore loser Republicans who still haven’t gotten over the 2008 election. Rather it is the work again of greedy corporations trying to take advantage of a divided country by promoting their products.

A source who asked to be called “Lief” said the CFOs of Argo Tea, Tazo, Republic of Tea and Lipton will be called before Congress to testify about this unfair scheme to change Americans into tea drinkers to reap profits.

It is no secret that all of the listed companies endorsed John McCain except Celestial Seasons who donated money to the Obama campaign.

The Tea Party Movement came under suspicion when Glenn Beck wrote on his chalkboard:: Everyone needs some honey in their tea. Male bee + female bee = honey. Two male bees = no honey/Nutrasweet.

When a blogger pointed out to Beck that honey isn’t made through reproduction, Rush Limbaugh jumped to Beck’s defense saying that the “honey smear” campaign was just part of the Homosexual agenda and if gay bees start making honey, "I'm moving to Costa Rica."

Meanwhile the Tea Party movement is beginning to splinter. A fascist group called “White Tea For Me” wants to cut the black tea production and ban the sale of Wissotzky tea in the United States.

On the left are the Green Tea and Herbal Tea movements. It is unclear if they are pro environment or pro marijuana or both or too high to know for sure.

Tea Party supporters were hoping to have “tea time” every day to protest the Obama administration, but once dudes tasted tea sandwiches and scones they asked for real food because as Lief said, “That stuff tastes like crap and everyone just pretends to like it so they don’t look uncultured.”

The Tea Party movement has spread to average corporations. A blogger by the name of Beansforever is asking the ACLU for help.

“One day, I got to work, and the only Keurig single cups left were Keurig English Tea. I tore apart the office, and there was no French Roast Keurig to be found,” Beansforever wrote. “Also those weird tea ball strainer things were around the office placed on all our desks. I don’t want to strain stuff to drink it.”

However a coworker of Beansforever discredited him when he posted a picture of Beansforever’s first generation hybrid with bumper stickers of, “Al Gore is my President” and “Kerry/Edwards” still prominently stuck to his car.

Folgers is riding out the controversy. “Yeah, we’ve survived Starbucks, we will survive this, too.”

In Defense of Men

2010-04-11T18:40:00.000-05:00

Boys, I am here to defend you.

You have been attacked in a national magazine by an MD, PHD. And although Dr. Sax is far more qualified to speak on most any matter than I am, it doesn’t make his recent article in Psychology Today entitled “Why are so many girls lesbian or bisexual?” any less sexist (against men) .

Sax’s “wonders ” if more girls are lesbians or bisexual now than ever “because that's truly who they are - or because the guys are such losers?”

Look, I know this hasn’t been a Golden Age for male behavior with Tiger Woods and Jesse James having sex with any woman with a tattoo and a cell phone camera. However, perhaps I’m naive, but I can’t believe all men are dogs, or men turn women gay because of their behavior.

Sax correlated the “Boys are Losers” theory with the rise, access and availability of porn. I agree that porn has a negative impact on boys, but it’s not making them losers who turn women on to other women.

Porn is problematic, as I’ve written about before, because it creates unrealistic expectations for everybody, including girls. The men in porn look and typically perform, um, differently than average guys. Some women enjoy sex less than female porn stars. If anyone expects their sex life to follow the script of a porn, he/she will never have a fulfilled sex life. There is some good news. Probably the music on your IPOD is better than in XXX movies.

However, I don’t think most boys are trading in girls for porn therefore causing girls to turn to each other for love and companionship. I think today it is safer for women to be lesbians or bisexual and therefore they are. There is also societal forgiveness so a woman can be with a female partner one year and a male partner the next, and no one really cares. They just want her to be happy.

My single friends and I joke, “one more bad dating experience and I’m going to switch teams.” But the thing is, we don’t switch teams. Why? Because we don’t want to. Or if someone does want to, they do. Trust me, I have a lot of single friends who are women, if they could be gay, they would be. Being gay is not something a guy can do to you no matter how repulsive a man’s behavior is. You need to be attracted to women to want to have sex with them. Many of us aren't therefore:

Boys, I don’t think you are losers. I do think your dads might need to talk to you more about acting responsibly and ethically in terms of sexuality and not to objectify women as celebrities do. However, you aren’t to blame (or some would say to thank!) for homosexuality. Now get off the computer and go on a real date. Be safe!

Women's Health Article

2010-04-09T22:06:00.003-05:00

It's published in this week's Oy Chicago. Might make your head spin a little.

Happy Endings

2010-03-31T21:28:00.003-05:00

I don't really believe in the adage "things happen for a reason." However, the last several days have really been fascinating in terms of their orchestration by whomever, whatever, or just by coincidence.

So last I wrote, my purse was "stolen" and Wrote some top 10 list about it to be witty and try to cope with being very upset about my trip being delayed and losing so much money, although my parents generously offered to help me recoup it.

After posting I decided not to mope. I went on a long walk in the 30 degree weather. I called one of my best friend's, Amy, who I never talk to because when I'm out of work is her busiest time with her kids. We talked for about 30 minutes about our lives and did some nice catching up. I also talked to my friend Suzanne and saw her son Gabriel. When I came home I called the contractors who redid my kitchen and asked them to come over to see my place and maybe will finally move forward with some much needed work on my condo. That night I went to my brother and sister in law's and hung out with my nieces and just enjoyed being with them immensely and felt exponentially better after I walked in and Ava gave me a huge hug.

Saturday I went to the gym, had a great work out with Chris, then the manager at Bally's gave me a new card, told me he'd pray for me given what happened to my purse, and I saw my old trainer Bart and gave him a big hug. (I miss you so much!)

Afterwards I talked on the phone to another one of my oldest friends, Jeff, and had probably the first serious conversation we've ever had in our 30 year friendship. We spoke about how you can find value and truth in so many belief and scientific systems: medicine, psychology, homeopathy, and then we questioned whether there is value, given all of the fighting, hate, pedophilia and battles in religion.

We agreed that in religion there are truths and there are values that can, at times, be good. I'll get back to that later.

Saturday night I went out on a date. I won't say more about that, but sometimes I am too busy/too discouraged to date, and I went and it was good/maybe I'll never see him again. Don't ask me about it, please.

Sunday I went to Florida. I was welcomed with open arms by Melody, Dalia and her friend. We had a nice afternoon and evening. The next day was also great, although rainy, and I got in touch with another old friend Lisa, and chatted for a while, although we didn't end up seeing each other in Miami. Sunday night, Melody and I met a couple of nice guys from Spain who we hung out with and I spoke broken Spanish to.

And then Monday I got the call.

A woman in Bartlett, IL found my purse. The phone call was shocking because my purse had disappeared on Friday. I didn't ask her how she found it or why she waited four days to call me. I called my parents and brother to let them know and then I posted on Facebook about it. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out to Bartlett, IL, and was a little wary of going to some one's place, when my friend Heather, who I met sophomore year at IU and reconnected with several years later in Chicago, said she worked in Bartlett and would pick up the purse for me in the mobile home park where the woman lived.

On my way home from the airport, sunburned, I picked up my purse from Heather (Heather gave the woman $100 at my request) and was reunited with the money, the purse and my driver's license. (The credit cards were there too, but I had already cancelled them).

The woman gave Heather a card to give me. It had a picture of an angel and a quote on the back of the card by Billy Graham (!!!) that said, "Look up, take courage, the angels are nearer than you think." Inside she wrote me a note that said:

I found your purse at the airport - I pray you didn't have a delay because of it - I am returning it to you because the Lord says "Do unto others as you would want them to do to you." I love my Lord and hope you can trust in him also - He is faithful-

Best wishes from a friend.

Thank you to this friend and to the many others and my family who get me through each and every day. And whatever you believe or don't believe, it's nice to know how much good there really is out there.

Happy Passover, Easter and Spring to all of my Scarpeta readers.

Top 10 Reasons Why It’s Good My Purse Was Stolen From O’hare Today and I lost $400 and can’t go to Miami until Sunday Morning

2010-03-26T10:47:00.002-05:00

10. Too much sun is bad for your skin and I burn easily.
9. I probably would have gone out tonight and tomorrow night, therefore my liver will be in better shape.
8. The road to the airport is so nice that I get to see it more.
7. I got to file my first police report.
6. I confirmed my policy never to carry cash.
5. 30 degrees is the new 80 degrees.
4. I can now just bring a carry on bag.
3. Maybe I'll hang out with Ava and Lila.
2. I had to renew my license in June anyways.
1. That purse was so last season.

Thank you to the lady from United who sat on the phone with me for about an hour and rebooked me for Sunday morning. Thank you to Melody for being friends with me and listening to me sob. Thank you to my brother and sister in law for loaning me $80 and listening to me sob. Thanks to Marisa for handing me the $80. Thanks to Ravit and Gabe for sharing a cab with me this morning and to Gabe for getting Lady Gaga in my head. Thanks to the cab driver for listening to BBC News so I heard about organic farming in Gaza. Thanks to the Chicago Police at O’hare for being nice. Thanks to Visa and Citibank for cancelling my stuff. Thanks to the thief for not using my Visa.

Off to get cash and a new driver’s license. Hope you too have a good day!

Wrigley to host concerts on Yom Kipur; I'm already hungry

2010-03-04T15:59:00.003-06:00

According to media reports, this September, Wrigley Field will host two concerts: one will begin on the eve of Yom Kipur and one after sundown (when the holiday is over). They are the only two planned concerts of the season.

About a mile east of Wrigley Field sits two of the biggest synagogues in Chicago: Temple Sholom and Anshe Emet Synagogue. Slightly farther south is the smaller, but vibrant Anshe Shalom. The main concern with the concerts has been over parking, with the Cubs offering to open some lots for the synagogue goers who drive on the holiday.

However, no one from the City cares that I can’t go to the damn concert or that it will distract from my spiritual cleansing. Just kidding. I don’t really care. If I did, I’d live in Israel.

Because although you won’t be able to hear the concert from Temple Sholom or Anshe Shalom, Anshe Emet, where I attend services, is a different story. It will be weird going from Kol Nidre to walking home on Broadway to hear “Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow we die.”*

Dave! We can’t eat, drink or be merry. Way to rub it in. Maybe he can change the song to, “Fast, pray and atone, or this year you will die.” Not as catchy, but Jewish holidays rarely are.

The artists that might be playing include Phish, Dave Matthews Band, and Paul McCartney.

Although Phish should not play on Yom Kipur (the night of the 17th). Mike Gordon(bass) and Jon Fishman (drums) better be in synagogue. What would be cool is if they sang Kol Nidre at one of the synagogues and performed their show the next night.

The show could start with Havdallah and the blowing of the Shofar.

*Coworker Gabe Axler helped with this joke

Too Much? Not Enough?

2010-03-02T10:55:00.004-06:00

This is an Israel Advocacy Campaign. Watch it and comment on what you think.

What do you think?

Here's an article about it, and another one.

Why get your tush to Israel or anywhere now!

2010-02-16T21:23:00.002-06:00

An article in today's Oy Chicago:

http://oychicago.com/article.aspx?id=5550

10 resolutions for 10 days Feb. 15-25

2010-02-14T21:35:00.008-06:00

I am anticipating an incredibly stressful week and although I can't control what comes at me, I can control how I respond to it. Here is my plan to stay calm and cool.

1. Eat right
I will not skip meals. I will eat at least one healthy snack in between meals. I will eat enough protein, vegetables and fruit and not carb out because I'm stressed.

2. Go to the gym
I will hit the gym at least three times between Monday and Saturday for an hour each time.

3. Caffeine intake
I will not have more than 2 cups of coffee every day.

4. Posture check
I will make sure that I'm sitting at my desk in an ergonomically correct way so I won't have neck, shoulder or arm pain.

5. Stretching breaks
I will take three breaks during the day to stretch and do three poses each time from here: http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/finder/browse_categories

6. Sleep
I will sleep for at least seven hours each night.

7. Humidifier
I will not be lazy and use it every night.

8. Obstacles
If something happens that messes up my week, I won't catastrophize it, I will take things as they come and do my best.

9. Temper
I will remember to not take others frustrations personally.

10. Temper
I will not interrupt, even if I know what someone is going to say. Instead I will breathe through it.

What are your tips for dealing with a stressful week?

Love letter to Jon Stewart

2010-02-07T14:12:00.003-06:00

Dear Jon Stewart,

I love you. Every night that you are on television is a day that the world is a bit smarter and a bit funnier.

You inspire me because you are a voice for my politics, you are advocate for critical thinking and you are sometimes just off the wall hysterical.

The political responses to the problems facing America today frequently leave me befuddled, and when you are flabbergasted you voice and affirm my own frustrations.

You are smart and delve into an issue and assess it using higher level thinking skills. While others claim to be fair and objective, you draw conclusions using logic, unfortunately a rare commodity in editorial television media.

I believe that you are owed some credit for Generation X, Y and Millenials even caring about the news anymore. Your insights are not taken as gospel, but at the very least they motivate the three “whatever” generations to learn more and for even some of us to stand up to inaccuracy and propaganda. When you took on Jim Cramer, it did make me cringe a bit because I felt bad for him, because you are smarter, but you showed all of us the importance of righting wrongs, and on that day you were the guardian, or maybe guard dog, for the common person.

You delve into controversial topics with an openness needed to properly address them. I don’t think anyone addresses the issues of racism and provides the American Jewish and American Muslim point of views as articulately as you do.

You are the Oprah of nonfiction books and I have read many of the ones that were featured on your show. One time I suggested to a large book chain that they put a Daily Show/Colbert Report display with books featured on your shows, and they looked at me curiously, so I never brought it up again.

I also admire how you embrace and make fun of your Jewishness. I wouldn’t call you a Jewish comedian per say, but a comedian who embraces his Jewish identity. Your background is always with you, even if you aren’t particularly religious. And although you are on the left, you haven’t jumped on the anti Israel bandwagon like other Jews have. In fact you defend Israel, in your own way, like when you show the Hamas children’s cartoons to show the world why peace in the Middle East is not an easy task.

I used to feel ashamed for feeling this way about you. I thought it demonstrated my frivolity. Why didn’t I feel this way about Wolf Blitzer or Katie Couric or Brian Williams? But your recent appearance on “The O’Reilly Factor” inspired me to come out to the world, or at least the 25 people who read this, (Hi, mom and dad!) and declare my love for you.

Happy early Valentine’s Day. Thank you for keeping America sane.

Love,

Scarpetta

Here are some of my favorite Jon Stewart moments. Submit yours, mostly because I want to see them and crack up.

Jon on the Factor

Best Hannukah moments

Jim Cramer slam down

Cross Fire

Reaming the Democrats recently

Hamas Cartoons

Hamas vs. Fatah

Obama isn't magic

What killed Jennifer Lyon?

2010-02-01T20:09:00.004-06:00

Meet Jennifer Lyon, age 37. She died a couple of weeks ago. Her killer: not having health insurance.

How can I know that? You are right. I don't. But she made a decision as so many people do, not to go to the doctor because it's too expensive, because they don't have insurance. She found a lump and didn't see a doctor until another one appeared.

I guess we'll never know what would have happened had she seen a doctor right away, had she had health insurance.

Tell your U.S. Senator, in Jennifer's name, to pass health care reform.

Click here for your Senators' contact info. And they do take every email into account.

Thanks to Marisa Sanders who passed this on to me. It's about an actor who didn't seek proper treatment because he didn't have health insurance.

Love letter

2010-01-30T13:38:00.003-06:00

You stand, remaining upright. You weigh as much as 3 pounds or less than 9 ounces. You are held up by others like you, so alike yet so different, shoulder to shoulder, a mismatching line of colorful beauty.

I grab you, feel you. Initially, there’s a softness to your texture; as I continue through you become rougher, but still nice to touch.

Everytime I'm with you, I have to return to the beginning. The images, or lack thereof, the colors, the shades, inviting me to make assumptions that may be true or false. Every time I want you, every time I must put you down and then pick you up, I must look at the beginning and question or laugh at your original impression.

Suddenly you are colorless: black and white transforming into complex ideas, people and emotions. Inevitably a challenge: enter or break from your world. I usually can’t stop and I barely try. Perhaps sleep will force me to cease. Perhaps responsibilities. But when nothing else matters and I can resist you no more, sometimes for hours, I complete you, and you complete me. And when you finally end, I hold you, maybe tightly to my chest, contemplating how good you are, thinking about who else I would like to share you with, or rarely, how I want to share you with no one, because no one will love you like I do, like I did.

Sometimes I am angry at you. You wasted my time! And I maybe even throw you. But I will never put you in the garbage. I may resell, regift, or donate you, but never toss or burn.

I may have you sit by my bed for a while, until it is time to bring you back to the others, where you will stand proud, perhaps a little worn because you have been trudged in purses or backpacks, in the car and on the bus and train. And as I put you back, I say goodbye to the gifts that you gave me.

And after a day or so, I will find another one, and begin again.

Hope for Haiti Telethon Performances

2010-01-24T00:26:00.007-06:00

Some of the performances on Friday night's Telethon were incredible. They are all on youtube, but I thought I'd make it easier for you to find the ones I thought were the best based on no real authority except my musical taste.

I didn't donate to the causes in the telethon. I gave money about a week ago to an organization I know well and trust to do good work (not that I don't trust other organizations, I just haven't done my homework on them) on the ground there.

Anyways, here are the links to the performances.

10. Sheryl Crow, Keith Urban and Kid Rock: Lean on Me

9.Matt Morris and Justin Timberlake: Hallelujah

8.Madonna: Like A Prayer

7.Beyonce: Halo

6.Alicia Keys: Prelude to a Kiss

5. Cold Play: A Message

4.Springsteen: We Shall Overcome

3. Stevie Wonder: When will there be a time to Love? and Like a Bridge over Troubled Water

2.Jennifer Hudson: Let it Be

1. Mary J. Blige: Hard Times Come Again No More

Need your help with a lesson plan I'm doing on poverty

2010-01-18T16:38:00.006-06:00

New lesson based on everyone's feedback

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the poverty line for a family of four (2009) is $22,250 (http://aspe.hhs.gov). If minimum wage in Illinois is $8/hour, a person could work every single day of the year, seven days a week, eight hours a day, and barely make more than $23,360 which is considered above the poverty line. Do you know anyone who works every day of the year 8 hours a day? Probably not.
Imagine, you are one of two parents in a household or even 1 of 1 parent in a household with three children. How far can $23,360 go?

Let’s use the $23,360 number and even round it up to $24,000. Now YOU are the head of the family. Your family of four has to live on $2,000/month. The average rent in Chicago for a 2 bedroom apartment is $1,000 a month (not in Lakeview or Lincoln Park- it’s about double that) What do you do?
So now you have $1000/month to use for the basics: food, clothes, gas or CTA passes, electric bill, etc.

“The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates about 12.5 percent of the average family's spending goes toward food, while the Department of Agriculture puts the figure at 9.8 percent.

One thing that is for sure: Grocery prices jumped sharply in recent years — up 4.2 percent in 2007 and 6.4 percent in 2008, according to BLS. USDA projects they'll rise as much as 3.5 percent for the year.” Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29681240/ns/business-food_inc/

For our project, you will use the 10 percent figure, which would mean $100/month on groceries to feed your family of four. That is about $3.33 to spend on groceries per day for a family of four. You have $30 to spend, so that would be about 9 days worth of groceries. Please by this family of four 9 days worth of groceries with your $30.

We will be donating this food, so please make sure that it is food that you would actually want to eat, that it has some diversity (don’t buy 100 boxes of Mac & Cheese), and that it’s non perishable.
Good luck!

Follow up questions:

What kinds of food were you able to buy? What foods did you want to buy and couldn’t?

Would this be enough to sustain your family for four days?

This family would probably qualify for food and housing subsidies from the government. Should they use them?

How much money do you spend on food for a week?

What did you learn from this activity?

..................

This is a lesson I am going to do this Sunday with 12 eighth graders. I am asking for your feedback to make sure that my math is correct and if I should add or subtract anything to or from it. For the record, I did not come up with this idea (young people going to a grocery store and buying food with a limited amount of money, seeing how expensive things are), but I did research these statistics and came up with this particular lesson plan. Your feedback is encouraged.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the poverty line for a family of four (2009) is $22,250 (http://aspe.hhs.gov). If minimum wage in Illinois is $8/hour, a person could work every single day of the year, seven days a week, eight hours a day, and barely make more than $23,360 which is considered above the poverty line and therefore qualifying for fewer government aid services.
Do you know anyone who works every day of the year 8 hours a day? Probably not.
Imagine, you are one of two parents in a household or even 1 of 1 parent in a household with three children. How far can $23,360 go?

Not very far.

Let’s use the $23,360 number and even round it up to $24,000. Now YOU are the head of the family. Your family of four has to live on $2,000/month. The average rent in Chicago for a 2 bedroom apartment is $2,000 a month (including water and electricity). What do you do? Live in a 1 Bedroom apartment and have your kids sleep in the living room and pay $1,300/month (including water and electricity).
So now you have $700/month to use for the basics: food, clothes, gas or CTA passes, etc.

“The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates about 12.5 percent of the average family's spending goes toward food, while the Department of Agriculture puts the figure at 9.8 percent.

One thing that is for sure: Grocery prices jumped sharply in recent years — up 4.2 percent in 2007 and 6.4 percent in 2008, according to BLS. USDA projects they'll rise as much as 3.5 percent for the year.” Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29681240/ns/business-food_inc/

For our project, you will use the 10 percent figure, which would mean $70/month on groceries to feed your family of four and you are still not considered poor. There are four weeks in a month, so that means $17.50 to spend on your family of four per week. You and your partner are going to have $30 to spend. With that $30 you are going to need to buy 12 days worth of food for your family of four. You have 30 minutes to do so.

We will be donating this food, so please make sure that it is food that you would actually want to eat, that it has some diversity (don’t buy 100 boxes of Mac & Cheese), that it’s non perishable, and by the way, this family keeps Kosher! So everything has to be kosher with a kosher symbol.

Follow up questions:
What kinds of food were you able to buy?
Would this be enough to sustain your family for four days?
What did you learn from this activity?

What celebrities and athletes can learn from Miep Gies

2010-01-13T17:21:00.002-06:00

The article is in oychicago: http://www.oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=5202&blogid=142

Anne Frank on Miep Gies (1909-2010)

2010-01-12T16:37:00.003-06:00

The best example of this is our own helpers, who have managed to pull us through so far and will hopefully bring us safely to shore, because otherwise they'll find themselves sharing the fate of those they're trying to protect. Never have they uttered a single word about the burden we must be, never have they complained that we're too much trouble. They come upstairs every day and talk to the men about business and politics, to the women about food and wartime difficulties and to the children about books and newspapers. They put on their most cheerful expressions, bring flowers and gifts for birthdays and holidays and are always ready to do what they can. That's something we should never forget; while others display their heroism in battle or against the Germans, our helpers prove theirs every day by their good spirits and affection.
quoted from The Diary of Anne Frank on the Yad Vashem web site

TSA praises Victoria's Secret

2010-01-06T19:36:00.003-06:00

The world’s leading fashion lingerie house has announced the production of a new line entitled “Body Scan by Victoria.”

The latest lingerie is in response to body scans, set to enter airport screening areas across the world. This latest screening device is causing panic to both privacy advocates and private parts advocates.

“If the scanners are going to show us naked, we should look our sexiest,” said Victoria’s Secret Spokesperson Samantha Smythe.

Victoria’s Secret has purchased a body scanner so that designers, working side by side with scientists, can best create lingerie that offers the most flattering optical illusion.

The Body Scan line will include push up bras, minimizers, body shapers (gurdles), control top hose, and tape to cover any flaws (stretch marks, discoloration, etc).

The news of the new line was welcomed by the Obama administration.

“Body Scan by Victoria is not only innovative, but it is also patriotic,” said Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitan. “The women wearing these undergarments will brighten the days of our hard working TSA force.”

Body Scan by Victoria should be available in stores, the catalogue and web site in time for Valentine’s Day.

Death of Brittany Murphy

2009-12-28T08:40:00.004-06:00

Do you see anything wrong with this?

One of the first things Brittany Murphy did when she showed up on the Oregon set of her indie thriller "Something Wicked" last June was acknowledge -- and apologize for -- her weight.

"I met her on the first day she arrived [on set] in Eugene with her husband," said Scott Chambers, a principal at Chambers Productions and an executive producer on the picture. "She looked ill, as much as 10 pounds underweight, and she's a small person to begin with. She easily could have made an excuse not to come to work, but she didn't. She said, 'I've got to get better, but I want to do this part.' "

A day after the death of the 32-year-old actress, people in the film business on Monday described a woman who continued to work tirelessly even as her star-wattage dimmed somewhat and health issues began to take their toll.

Murphy spent about three weeks shooting her role as a psychiatrist in "Something Wicked," a mystery thriller about a teenage couple experiencing eerie supernatural phenomena. Chambers noted that though the part was not physically demanding -- most of the scenes took place in an office setting -- he was nonetheless struck by Murphy's commitment to her part given her fragile state. source: http://tinyurl.com/y8bvhkz

Mr. Chambers, your admiration is unwarranted and inappropriate.

It wasn't admirable that Brittany worked when she was both or either mentally or physically ill. What would have been admirable would have been if the people she worked for made an addendum to her contract that she demonstrate improvement in her condition by some criteria as perscribed by a mental health professional or medical doctor.

Mr. Chambers was sensitive to note Brittany's distress. However, he, and many of the other people in her life, were too cowardly to hold her hand on the path to wellness.

It's so easy to say, "not my problem." I just wonder why as individuals we feel that we have no responsibility to help those crying out for help.

Not to mention in Hollywood and popular culture Anorexia it is still an acceptable vice because being thin is so hypervalued.

And this trickels down to some men and women who view this look as an ideal In fact, I saw it written almost in the same breath that Murphy was hot and anorexic.

I've given up on most media embracing healthy women. But I do hope the next time an underweight actress walks into Mr. Chambers office he shows her the door to the nearest medical doctor.

Mount of Olives

2009-12-27T10:11:00.006-06:00

A foreign camel noisly stands atop the Mount of Olives
entertaining tourists
tracing Abraham's path
to sacrafice his son
before God commanded "psyche".

There Herod built a holy Temple where nearby
Jesus was crucified.
Would his cross have had the view of the
Dome of the Rock?
Big and Shiny
in contrast to the endless matted Jerusalem stone.
For every religious icon sits millions of graves.

Interview with producer and writer of hit t.v. show

2009-12-18T15:01:00.002-06:00

Here's an article I wrote for OyChicago after interviewing the writer and producer of "Being Erica."

Check it out: http://tinyurl.com/yj3d3lm

2010 Resolution

2009-12-17T22:12:00.003-06:00

I learned this today.

From whom doesn’t really matter. Actually, no one said this to me, but brought it up tangentially, and now it’s going through my head.

The key to happiness and success, however you define them, is based on the balance between non ritual behavior and ritualized behavior. There is also balance between what we ritualize and how much weight we give to each ritual. A positive ritual could turn negative if hyperritualized.

When I speak of rituals, religion is not my focus, although it is a huge source of both positive and negative rituals. I haven’t done a study, but I’m guessing the more ritualized someone’s life is, specifically with positive rituals, the happier they are. However when rituals, such as religious ones, become a spiritual or economic burden, they no longer are positive. Why are some even fanatically religious people very happy? They are not burdened by their religion. It enhances and defines their lives. However, if your lifestyle conflicts with any of the rituals or communal rituals (sometimes homosexuals, singles, women, politics, divorce) then the rituals are burdensome rather than positive.

I know a lot of people with kids. Most of my friends and relatives are really good parents. However, despite the mommy wars, it seems to make no difference if one parent works and one stays at home or both parents work or if the kids are raised by nannies. What matters most is that their lives are ritualized positively (and this doesn’t mean overprogrammed with lessons in this and that, just daily continuity). Some families can only accomplish that if they have a parent at home. And that’s fine. But some families can accomplish a ritualized household through a balance of child care and parental involvement.

It’s why it’s so hard to fix the education system. Although 180 days a year kids’ lives are ritualized in school, if the other 185 days their lives are in chaos because of their home life, crime in their neighborhood and/or financial and nutritional stressers, school doesn't matter enough. Add to that that some of their time is spent with problematic teachers and classmates, success becomes too steep a hill to climb.

What constitutes a ritual? Anything can be a ritual depending on how and when you do it. Whether or not it’s positive or not depends on the ritual’s execution. The most basic ritual that almost everyone does is brush their teeth in the morning. This would turn into a negative ritual if someone brushes their teeth 100 times a day or not at all. The ritual isn’t maximized if you don’t brush your teeth before bed, because you don’t make time or prioritize the ritual.

Eating, working, exercising, watching media or sports, drinking, cleaning, praying, shopping, sex are all possible actions that can be and if ritualized can make for a wonderful life. However they are all also probably the most likely activities to become out of balance and their ritualization becomes detrimental and injurious.

So instead of losing weight, or cleaning more, or pledging to do this or that, perhaps my New Years’ Resolution for 2010 will be to incorporate more positive rituals into my life and phase out the negative ones. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Do you know someone with a cough, cold, H1N1, or flu? "Cure" them with this!

2009-12-06T00:20:00.003-06:00

Eva Cohn Schulman's Chicken Soup
The kind of chicken soup that cures everything.

Serves: Many
Difficulty Medium - some experience needed
Prep Time: an hour
Cooking Time: Many hours
Ingredients: See below. Take notes.
This is only for cooks who can handle not needing a recipe. Giving exact measurements would mess the entire thing up.

Method
Until I was 14 years old, I would eat my Bubbie's chicken soup at least once a week. After the first taste everyone would say, "Good soup, Bub"& On December 24 I find myself nostalgic for my grandparents. Every winter vacation we would make the 23-hour trip to Hollywood, Florida. The journey would begin with a trip to the Donut Shop. We would eat our other meals at the Waffle House or other southern eateries. Once we arrived in Florida, we ate at only two different restaurants for the entire two weeks. When I was little, I thought Southern Florida only had two restaurants, both with pickles on the table. Below is my Bubbie's chicken soup recipe in an im chat between my dad and me. You may notice there are no exact quantities, there is no need to measure or quantify the ingredients. You just need to make it with a lot of love.

sharna: dad do you have bubbie's chicken soup recipe on you?
Abe says: no, I can approximate it.
Abe says: who wants it?
sharna: gabi is very sick and i wanted to make it for her
Abe says: Take a large pot and fill the bottom with chicken pieces or halves, skin and all.
Abe says: Cover the chicken with water, but just cover not too much water
sharna: ok
Abe says: bring to a boil and skim until no more scum accumulates on the top.
sharna: before you add the veggies?
Abe says: yes
Abe says: after removing the scum turn the temperature down to medium - low and add vegtables, 2 boulion cubes, and seasoning salt. Vegtables should include one onion, parsnips, carrots, celery and dill.
sharna: ok
sharna: now, didn't bubbie use beef
Abe says: do not add any water. the boulion can be beef or you can add some beef to the chicken before the veggies.
sharna says: ok
sharna: what kind of beef?
Abe says: chuck
Abe says: you have to skim it also so put in with chicken
sharna says: ok
Abe says: good luck
sharna: gracias
Abe says: let me know how you make out
sharna: ok
sharna: i will
Abe says: be sure to use a low flame and cover the pot
sharna: ok
Abe says: after it starts to cook you can crack the lid.
Abe says: do you know what to do after its done?
sharna: no
Abe says: take out the veggies (I forgot parsley), save the carrots, celery, and parsnips in a bowl
Abe says: drain all the liquid into another bowl and put in refrigerator.
sharna : ok
Abe says: Wash off the chicken and beef, removing the skin from the chicken and put into a large pot or even the same pot if you rinse it out
sharna: why do you seperate it?
Abe says: about a half hour later remove the liquid from the fridge and skim off the fat. that's why you separate it.
sharna : that's a lot of work
Abe says: If you don't care about the fat just remove the skin and add back the carrots, celery and parsnips
sharna: ok
Abe says: if you want to make matza balls just follow the instructions and make in the soup
sharna says: ok
Abe says: good luck, you'll love it and Bubbie will be proud.

Favorite Quotes

2009-12-05T15:05:00.002-06:00

I haven't been so inspired to write lately. Work is busy. I'm a little self involved. But I was reading some of my favorite quotes and thought I would put them here for your enjoyment. They are from my FB profile, but I don't think so many people read favorite quotes on a Facebook profile:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' ... There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.-Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love.

I still have cinder -- the stuff they use to surface the track -- littered under my skin like constellations across the night sky.

Some people get tattoos; I wrecked out. It’s all good. -Zachary Osterman, IDS, May 27, 2009

Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist. There are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written, or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom, or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges, and absorbs the impact. - The History of Love

But who is set up for the impossible that's going to happen? Who is set up for tragedy and the incomprehensibility of suffering? Nobody. The tragedy of the man not set up for tragedy-that is every man's tragedy. -American Pastoral

The spiritual journey can be a very valuable and enriching thing. It is very easy to fall into gullibility and superstition…it’s true on the spiritual path you are by definition embracing irrationality. Irrationality is part of the human mind, part of the human psyche. We can’t get rid of it. It’s there. So is critical reason. So is rationality. So is skepticism. If you abandon those things just because you are on a spiritual path, you are giving up a good part of what it means to be a human being.-author Geoff Gilpin, author of "The Maharishi Effect," in a segment broadcast December 30 ,2007 on “To the Best of Our Knowledge.”

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

To live in indecision, to waver between defeat and a new life offered as much pleasure as pain. - Snow

Soul and body, body and soul--how mysterious they were! There was animalism in the soul, and the body had its moments of spirituality. The senses could refine, and the intellect could degrade. Who could say where the fleshly impulse ceased, or the psychical impulse began? -The Picture of Dorian Gray

I'm not political anymore. I mean, equal rights is one thing, equal pay is one thing, but blaming everything on being a woman is just passe. -The Heidi Chronicles

I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential...i have been a victim of my own optimism. -Eat, Pray, Love

Katie's Story: You may be the one to save her life

2009-12-04T15:38:00.003-06:00

By Lori Rosen

My sister desperately needs your help. Please read her story and consider registering by attending one of the upcoming drives (listed at the end of this story) or going to http://join.marrow.org/4katie.

My sister, Katie, is 26 years old and has been through more in the past year and a half than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime. In spring of 2008, one week after her 25th birthday, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Our lives were turned upside down. Unresponsive to chemotherapy, she and my mother, Nancy Meacham, moved to Houston, TX in order for Katie to receive treatment at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. She underwent an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant, which put her in remission. Upon returning to New York, she became heavily involved in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. She has become a friend and resource to countless others battling cancer.

Just after celebrating a year cancer-free, Katie received the devastating news this past September that she has relapsed. My heart broke. Yet, she met this news with the same courage, determination and hope that she held throughout her initial diagnosis and treatment. I wished, as I have many times, that I could make this illness just disappear. Her strength of spirit inspires me everyday.

Doctors have said her best chance at long term recovery and survival is for her to undergo an Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant, meaning now she needs blood stem cells from a matching donor since her own blood stem cells didn’t keep the cancer away. I am begging for your help. You may be the one to save my sister, or one of the other 6,000 people searching for a life-saving match each day.

Right now, of the 14 million people currently registered to donate, not a single one is a match for Katie. This is due in part to her unique genetic make-up which includes the Jewish A69 gene (from her mother, of Middle Eastern European Jewish descent) as well as genes from her non-Jewish father who is of German and English ancestry. Although it is more likely that her match will have a similar background, it is certainly not compulsory.

Registering involves answering a brief set of medical history questions, then swabbing your cheek with special Q-tips, which are provided to you by the testing service. It is free and painless. If a donor is called upon to donate, 70% of the time the procedure involves removing blood from one arm through a needle, collecting the stem cells from the blood, and returning the blood to the donor through a needle in the other arm. It only takes the donor a short time to replenish their stem cell supply.

Additionally, we are trying to spread the word amongst families with babies on the way, that the blood from the umbilical cord of a newborn, which is typically discarded, can also be given to a public cord bank, where it could potentially reach a patient in need. Learn more about cord blood donation.

Both of these procedures require so little of the donor, and mean absolutely everything to the recipient. We are desperate to find a match for our Katie, and hope that you will consider registering to become a donor by attending one of the donor drives or registering online. If you aren’t a match for my sister, you could be a match for one of the thousands of others in need, who are holding out hope that the next new donor will be the one who saves their life.

Over the next couple weeks, donor drives are being held throughout Chicago in which the entire registry process can be completed on-site. Details are below. It takes six weeks to get in the database and sadly cancer does not wait for paperwork to be filed, so please do it now.

UPCOMING DONOR DRIVES:

Friday, December 4, 2009 10 a.m.-3 p.m.
Chicago, IL
UIC Hillel
Levine Hillel Center
924 S. Morgan St.
Chicago, IL 60607
(312) 357-6922
CONTACT: ErinJones@juf.org

Saturday, December 5, 2009 10 a.m-12 p.m.
Elmhurst, IL
Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Kickoff Event
York Community H.S.
355 W St Charles Rd
Elmhurst, IL 60126
CONTACT: Danielle Vickers (LifeSource): dvickers@itxm.org

Sunday, December 6, 2009 8:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.
Chicago, IL
Emanuel Congregation
5959 N Sheridan Rd
Chicago, IL 60660-3643
(773) 561-5173
CONTACT: ErinJones@juf.org

Sunday, December 6, 2009 11 a.m.-1 p.m.
Chicago, IL
Anshe Emet Synagogue (during Hannukah party)
3751 N. Broadway
Chicago, IL 60613-4104
(773) 281-1423
CONTACT: ErinJones@juf.org

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 10 a.m-5 p.m.
Chicago, IL
Spertus Institute
610 S Michigan Ave
Chicago, IL 60605-1901
(312) 322-1700
Lobby and 2nd level
CONTACT: ErinJones@juf.org

Lessons learned from Rabin assassination 14 years later

2009-10-30T14:29:00.003-05:00

Check out my article on Oy Chicago about why Rabin's assassination is relevant 14 years later.

Gaza

2009-10-25T10:41:00.004-05:00

Israel took over the Gaza strip during the 1967 Six Day War. In 2005, Israel withdrew from the area. In 2006, the Palestinians living in Gaza elected Hamas leaders to lead the country. Hamas does not recognize the state of Israel and is considered to be a terrorist organization by most of the Western world.
Since Israel’s withdrawal from Gaza, Hamas has launched rocket attacks against Southern Israel. For years, Israel response to the attacks was extremely limited, to the anger of Israelis in the South who asked what would the government do if Quassam rockets were being fired into Tel Aviv. In December 2008, after the Hamas attacks increased, Israel began a brutal bombing campaign on Gaza.

Less than a year later, the Goldstone Report has emerged accusing Israel of war crimes and crimes against humanity. The UN Council on Human Rights (which is comprised of countries like Saudi Arabia, China and Russia) has condemned Israel’s war on Gaza?

How do you defend your country against a terrorist government that rules over a densely populated people, uses them as shields, hides in mosques and schools without inflicting disproportionate damage, as Israel has been accused of? What was Israel supposed to do?

Today in Gaza, the humanitarian state is not as bad as it was in January, but the people are still suffering. In Southern Israel, rockets are still being fired from Hamas, although not nearly at the rate before the war.

Israel leaves Gaza 2005

Hamas wins elections in Gaza

Daily Show View of Hamas Election

Rocket attacks in Israel

Map of attacks

Rocket attacks in Southern Israel

Massive Israeli raids in Gaza

Hamas and Israel response during the war

Final Death Toll

Today on the border of Gaza

Health care reform will help our economy

2009-10-22T22:18:00.006-05:00

I wish there was a stastistic for how many people have stayed at jobs longer than they wanted to because they needed health insurance.

If health insurance becomes a non factor in someone’s decision to stay at a job, think of what this could do to our economy. Jobs could open up to people who really want them, and Americans could start taking the risks that our grandparents felt that they could take and what I think made this country so great: start a new business, invent an incredible device that will change the world, go back to school part time to earn a higher degree to change careers, or work at a small not for profit because that’s what you are good at.

Health insurance based on employer coverage is essentially anti-American. We are under the tyranny of a dictator and therefore unable to achieve the American dream.

I currently pay for my own health care. My employer subsidizes it but I pay an insane amount of money for insurance. Why? Because when I left my last job, I was denied health insurance. So now, I pay for COBRA. Go ahead, say it. “You are on COBRA, that’s so expensive!”

Yep, I do. And do you know what I don’t do much of anymore, buy stuff. I don’t really buy clothes because something looks cute, or go to a concert because I like the band, or buy my friends’ babies little outfits. My non essential spending has decreased significantly. Oh and I have a t.v. from 1994.

Almost all of my extra money is going towards health insurance. I’m not poor. I'm not suffering. I just try not to live in (much) debt, therefore I limit my spending. But I'm part of that statistic as to why our economy isn't growing: people aren't buying enough of anything.

I’m not complaining. It’s a personal choice. I could live without it, I guess. Play Russian Roulette. But I’ve chosen not to. I have other friends who don’t have health insurance or friends who do, but won’t go to a doctor for fear of being diagnosed with something that will prevent them from receiving coverage in the future.

Sadly, my COBRA expires on December 31. So I will apply to the state for insurance (which I will pay for), if, and only if, the state is still running the program. Or I guess I could leave my job that I love and start doing something I’m not as good at so that I can have insurance.

(For my friends in Israel and Canada who are reading this, I KNOW! Can you believe this? I KNOW. You totally don’t have to waste any of your energy on this. I KNOW! It’s insane. No, no, I’m not coming to live with you. Thanks for the offer.)

Or Congress could pass that health care reform bill before December 31 and then I don’t have to risk being a statistic that no one cares about.

And you can quit your crappy job and go to culinary school or work on that invention that you know will make you a million dollars.

My friends can go to the doctor to get a physical.

And then maybe, we can get this economy going again. Not on the backs of big firms on wall street that end up needing government bail outs, but on the backs of Americans who, if they don’t have to worry about going bankrupt over healthcare costs, are some of the most creative and innovative people in the world.

Or we can maintain the status quo.

I guess it’s up to the boys and girls with great health insurance coverage in Congress.

A response to a forward I received this morning about the supremacy of Conservatives

2009-10-07T00:09:00.005-05:00

An anonymous relative with more conservative viewpoints than myself sent this to me today. The items in itals are what he sent me. The items in bold are my responses.

1.
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative sees people getting killed by guns, he doesn't care and hopes his stocks in GunsRUs improves.
If a liberal sees people getting killed by guns, he wants to develop policy to protect the innocent.

2.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.

So stupid not worth a response.

3.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat
his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to make up evidence to make the threat seem more iminent and dangerous than it is.

If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he seeks out truth and acts based on fact, not fiction or God's word.

4.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is homosexual, he gets married to a woman only to embarass her and his kids by having affairs with men.

If a liberal is a homosexual, he wishes his sexuality wasn't politicized and that he could have equal rights protected under the law.

5.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as
independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government
protection.

I don't think all successful black and Hispanic men are conservatives. But maybe I voted for the wrong president.

6.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

So the unemployed conservatives aren't cashing their unemployment checks? Really? Somehow I doubt it.

7.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative talk show host lies and has no substance to his arguments he is considered heroic.

If a liberal talk show host lies and has no substance to his arguments, he doesn't have a talk show.

8.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative is a non-believer, he better not run for political office, because he will be shunned for having common sense.

If a liberal non-believer runs for office, he will be respected for his point of view towards religion.

9.
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for
it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes shopping for it, can't find it because he's been denied due to preexisting medical conditions, looks for a job that provides it, isn't hired, and suddenly becomes an advocate of health care reform.

A liberal wants to help even this hypocrite because health care is a basic human right.

10.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is
embarrassed.

If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor
and then sues.

If a conservative sees someone slip and falls, and it is someone of a different color, he'll hesistate to help him up.

If a liberal slips and falls, he'll get up and clean the spill that caused him to become hurt in the first place.

11.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

NOT THIS LIBERAL.

Top 10 reactions to Letterman’s affairs

2009-10-05T23:11:00.002-05:00

10. Female intern applications for Late Night With David Letterman way, way down.

9. Cialis and Viagra execs fighting to sponsor Late Night With David Letterman without commercial interruption.

8. Sarah Palin’s middle finger is amputated after frostbite. She is still smiling.

7. Letterman Scholarship at Ball State awarded to C students majoring in marriage counseling.

6. Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer, etc doing shots together, charging them to World Wide Pants.

5. People under 30 now know who David Letterman is.

4. “That couch” at CBS has been thrown away.

3. Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon are thinking of cheating on their wives to improve ratings.

2. Next 48 Hours episode writes itself

And the number 1 reaction to Letterman’s affairs is

1. Most frequent google search in Montana from the same IP address: “Divorce settlement”

Friend with ALS seeking drug in Italy.

2009-09-28T00:07:00.005-05:00

So, my very, very, very close friend since I was 3 years old, Jeff Berebitsky got married a few years ago. He is the friend I would go to every dance with in high school because I was too awkward to actually date someone. His was the first phone number I memorized. We pranked called each other. When three way calling was invented we prank called everyone. Jeff and I share many things including being tortured by our older brothers, being small, wearing glasses from the age of 6, teaching the other kids in elementary school about sex and curse words. During that time there has been a lot of loss as well but also a lot of fun.

I met Jeff's wife for the first time the weekend of their wedding and I had to really hold it together. It's not often that you really see your friend meet the one, and Jeff had clearly met his one. The wedding was beautiful with a touch of granola.

So last April when I found out Jeff's wife had ALS I couldn't believe it. I thought my friend was lying to me. ALS is the same disease that become famous by Lou Gherig as well as the book Tuesdays With Morrie. It is the same disease Stephen Hawking has.

Jenni's prognosis is 2-6 years. She is a little younger than I am. They have a toddler Philip David.

Full email from Jeff:

As many of you know, my wife was diagnosed with ALS. And though right now she is healthy and vital, the disease does appear to be progressing at a pace we are unable to gage. With so few stricken with this disease there are not many resources dedicated to research and development. Right now there appears to be a single drug on the market that carriers legitimate hope of slowing and possibly reversing the affects. Unfortunately there is only one country, Italy, that has access. Due to patent infringement the drug, Iplex, is not allowed to be sold anywhere in the world except Italy. Please see this the following link on the background of this drug:

http://www.inspire.com/groups/als-advocacy/discussion/iplex-1/

My interest in contacting you is not to change the law in this country, though it would be greatly appreciated:), but to find out if you know people/doctors in Italy or the US that might be able to help. We are interested in accessing the drug, if nothing else to slow the disease.

Please forward this request on to anyone that may be able to help along with any of your own thoughts.

Thank you!

Love,
Jeff

Why travel?

2009-08-29T00:25:00.004-05:00

I'll
tell
you
why

A few good commercials

2009-08-23T20:42:00.004-05:00

As part of my professional development, I have been attending seminars. The seminars are hosted by an organization that is employing SIT to train us to think innovatively.

A microscopic portion of their presentations involves showing us commercials and talking about them. I'm listing the commercials because they are funny, however I'm not going to contextualize them for you because it would be plagarism of ideas from the SIT people.

Who wants context anyways? Watch and pretend it's the Super Bowl.

Kissing

Snow on Car

Beckham

CAUTION: NUDITY Soccer

Aps I would make

2009-07-31T17:36:00.002-05:00

That is the subject of my blog for this month's Oy Chicago: http://oychicago.com/blog.aspx?id=3622

Drugs

2009-06-23T21:39:00.004-05:00

When I was about 23, I went out with on a blind lunch date with a guy who was finishing law school at Northwestern who already had a medical degree. I was a graduate student at the Medill School of Journalism when the campus was in the 680 N. Lake Shore Drive building, so we decided to meet at Corner Bakery.

We sat down and after asking me if I was a liar because I was in journalism school or “do they teach you to be liars” I knew the date was awash, and tried to eat my turkey sandwich as fast as possible without choking.

However, I am not rude, and didn’t leave abruptly. Also, I can talk to anyone, so we started talking about medicine, and I said, “yeah, my mom takes a lot of pills.”

And his response was, “Shocking! A Jewish woman who takes a lot of pills.” (followed by a roll of the eyes)

Although this guy was clearly an ass, this tale (and let me tell you, I have many like this one) came to mind when the autopsy report of Jay Bennett, former band member of Wilco, was released on June 23 concluding he had died of a pain killer overdose. In the last couple of years, other, celebrities have died of accidental overdoses specifically Heath Ledger and Anna Nicole Smith.

Many people are taking prescription medicines, and while I make no judgment about this fact, I do worry (Shocking! A Jewish woman who worries.) the medications are not being taken properly and that many are at risk of accidental overdose or permanent damage to major organs. Call it self medicating, call it drug abuse, call it illiteracy, this is a huge problem that seems to be under addressed.

According to a 2008 article from webmd.com, 24,000 people died in the U.S. from accidental drug overdoses in 2006, a 100 percent increase from the year 2000.

The biggest rise in these accidental poisonings is among men and women of working age, 20 to 64, and is mainly due to abusing prescription pain medicines such as oxycodone, methadone, hydrocodone, fentanyl, and buprenorphine. source: Webmd

In our culture, the first instinct would be to blame physicians for allegedly overprescribing medications or the drug companies for glamorizing medical products on commercials. Whether this is true or false, consumers of medications must take personal responsibility for prevention of dangerous drug interactions. How can you do so?

First of all, I need a disclaimer. I have no medical degree or experience. These are just some suggestions based on my own experience as a consumer and the experience of friends. If you are a medical professional and have something to add or dispute, please feel free to do so in the comments section.

1. Keep all of your prescriptions at one pharmacy. That way if your orthopedic surgeon prescribes something that interacts with something your internist prescribes, your pharmacist will hopefully catch it in case you forgot to tell one doctor about a medication you are on or your doctor made a mistake. (it happens) Also (this happened to me once with sulfa) if a doctor doesn’t know that a minor ingredient in a medication contains something you are allergic to, if your pharmacy records are accurate, the pharmacist won’t fill the prescription.
2. Update your pharmacy with any drug allergies.
3. Keep a personal record of drugs you have taken and any negative reactions. Even if they aren’t allergies, it’s good to record sensitivities.
4. If your heart starts racing, call a doctor or 911 immediately. If you lose any kind of sensation of anything, can’t breathe well, or have any other unusual symptom after taking a medication, call your doctor immediately.
5. Ask your doctor and research the effects of alcohol in conjunction with any medication that you are being prescribed.
6. Know if you need to take a medication with or without food or at a certain time of day.
7. Don’t take more or less than you are prescribed of a medication.
8. Don’t take Tylenol or acetaminophen after a night of drinking. It can cause liver damage. Don’t take more acetaminophen than recommended. It can also cause liver damage.
9. Don’t just stop taking a medication (unless you are instructed to do so). Call your doctor and plan a way to wean off of it if necessary.
10. If you are in emotional or physical pain, don’t take a little extra of whatever you are taking to dull the hurt. Call a friend. Call your doctor. Call 911. Get help. Be aware that self medicating may kill you.

I Must Be High
Wilco
A.M.

You always wanted more time,
To do what you always wanted to do
Now you got it

And I, I must be high,
To say goodbye
Bye bye bye

You never said you needed this
And you're pissed that you missed the very last kiss,
From my lips

And I, I must be high,
To say goodbye
Bye bye bye

And you never looked in my eyes,
Long enough to find any piece of mind
But now you got it

And I, I must be high,
To let you say goodbye
Bye bye bye

Condom study worth the money

2009-06-23T00:42:00.002-05:00

People, mostly men, are up in arms about the $423,500 grant the NIH has awarded to the Kinsey Institute to study: why men don’t like using condoms. The guys laughing at the study say, “Duh. Just ask me. I can tell you. It doesn’t feel as good, it’s awkward, and ruins the mood.”

The issue though is less about why men don’t like using condoms as why they don’t like them enough to risk their own health and the health of the person with whom they are having sex when they often knowingly carry an STD or at the very least know they were exposed to one (and leaving out that information from their sexual partner).

Also, why do some men willingly use condoms? The answer involves ethics and psychology more than anything else. Or perhaps a perfectly good, ethical man will whine about condom usage, and pressure his sexual partner into not using one, when his testosterone reaches a certain level.

In addition, according to the article, some men cannot maintain an erection with a condom. If you asked those men, I bet they wouldn’t mind tax payer money being used to find out why.

If your answer to this problem is monogamy, that’s great, but what about pregnancy prevention. Why should a woman be forced to swallow hormones 21 days out of the month when condom usage can prevent pregnancy just as well if used correctly?

Perhaps the outcome of the study could be a better condom? Maybe a spray on one that doesn’t spoil the mood. Ok, too much. Sorry.

It’s just funny how people are so opposed to sex studies when most everyone has sex, and with sex comes such great risks from fatal illness to unwanted pregnancy. Also if condom usage increased, that could decrease the cost to the government on monies needed to treat the uninsured who suffer from STDs include AIDS and receive their treatment via Medicaid or in emergency rooms.

David Williams, the vice president for policy at Citizens Against Government Waste, a non-profit watchdog group that tracks mismanagement and wasteful spending by the government, said that he is "frustrated" by the grant.
"It's hard to see this kind of research going on when we have such bigger problems as a country that we need to face," Williams said. "The NIH is studying things that on the face of it sounds like it isn't really needed right now or that the answers are pretty obvious at times."
Williams concedes that while the amount of money given to this project is a "drop in the bucket" compared to the total amount of monetary support the NIH doles out each year, he says that cutting back on several projects like this one could go a long way.
"There needs to be more scrutiny over what is and is not funded," he said.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/Story?id=7889403&page=2

Mr. Williams is being very myopic in his view. According to the Centers for Disease Control “approximately 19 million new sexually transmitted infections occur annually, almost half of those affected are between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four.”

http://www.healthnews.com/family-health/sexual-health/stds-rise-america-2469.html

Mr. Williams, isn’t that a big enough problem for you? Or perhaps it’s not because while many of those diseases have major repercussions for women’s health and fertility, for men, many STDs are just viruses that they carry around and transmit to woman after woman without physical impact to themselves. A man can carry HPV with no knowledge while a woman infected with it can develop cervical cancer.

I wish the Kinsey Institute the best of luck with this study and I think so should every dude I know.

father's day article in oychicago

2009-06-19T06:53:00.000-05:00

http://oychicago.com/article.aspx?id=3304

Best thank you note ever!

2009-06-09T22:10:00.003-05:00

This post is dedicated to all of my friends who work in schools. Congratulations on finishing another school year. You are amazing professionals who give so much energy to so many kids. We are lucky to have you educating and caring for our children.

For the past three years I have had the honor to participate in the “Flat Stanley” project thanks to my friend Leah Harley Schwartz. Leah is a teacher at public elementary school in San Leandro, California.

Flat Stanley is a running character in a series of children books written in the 1960s. Stanley, is a child suddenly flattened by a freak accident, however he turns the trauma into a positive by slipping into envelopes and visiting friends around the world.

A teacher in Canada took the story and turned it into a project to teach elementary school students letter writing and about other parts of the world.

Leah adapted the project a bit and because she knows people from all over the United States, she has had her students write her friends. The student learns about Flat Stanley, colors in a cut out of him (which Leah laminates), and then writes a letter to one of Leah’s friends. Each student puts his Flat Stanley in an envelope with a personal letter, seals it and then goes to the Post Office to learn about the U.S. mail where they then mail the letter.

When we receive it, we have to answer the letter and write about our adventure with Flat Stanley. If we want, we send souvenirs from where we live.

The first year I participated, I sent Flat Stanley to South Bend and asked (begged) my dad to drive around the University of Notre Dame with him and take pictures next to the Golden Dome and the football field with a view of Touchdown Jesus.

Last year I walked around the North Side of Chicago taking pictures with Flat Stanley by the lake, Wrigley Field, the El, etc, developed the pictures and sent the photo album to Leah’s student with a letter.

This year I received a letter from J.M., a Somali immigrant from a large family. With the crappy weather we’ve had this year and because I’ve been really busy, I decided to just pick up a Cubs baseball cap, a Cubs teddy bear, and some post cards and send them with the letter.

In the letter, I told J.M. the story of the Cubs’ curse.

The Cubs have not the World Series in over 100 years. Some people say it’s because a man, many years ago, brought his goat into the stadium and when they refused to let him stay, he cursed the Cubs and said they would no longer win games.

The package was mailed and although I didn’t hear immediately from J.M, I heard from Leah via email.

Sharna,
Thank you so much for sending the Cubs hat and bear to J.M. I truly appreciate your kindness and generosity!! J.M. was thrilled to receive it and has been wearing the hat to school. J.M.’s father just passed away two weeks ago so I think he enjoyed knowing that someone was thinking about him. Thank you also for participating in Flat Stanley once again!!
Take care,
Leah

Today, I received a thank you note from J.M., and I can honestly say it’s the best thank you note I’ve ever received. It was handwritten. I guess I should scan it in for full effect, but I hope you enjoy my typed version.

June 5, 2009

Dear Sharna,

I love the bear and I love the hat. Even though I’m an A’s fan. I wonder if you feel good in Chicago. I hope you have a good time there. I don’t know why a person holding a goat is that powerful to curse a whole baseball team. Have a good time in Chicago. Thank you again for the bear and the hat.
Bye
J.M.

J.M. is wise beyond his years. Maybe the Cubs will win the World Series this year. Or there’s always next year.

Related Links:

http://www.flatstanleyproject.com/

Cubs Curse

Cubs Coverage from the Chicago Tribune

Will burning my bra make me happy?

2009-06-02T22:51:00.003-05:00

A study by University of Pennsylvania researchers for the National Bureau of Economic Research entitled “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness” declares that women are “less happy after 40 years of feminism.”

I have so many problems with this study. First of all, whoever said the goal of feminism was happiness. I can’t think of another ideology in which the ideal is determined as such. Is the goal of liberalism or socialism, “happiness?” Are there smiley faces in the U.S. Constitution that I’ve missed all of these years?

Feminism, although not a monolithic ideology, at the very least espouses equal rights in the public and private sectors, public being the workplace, health care, government and private being rights relating to human sexuality and the home. What does that have to do with being happy?

Also, and maybe I’m depressed, but the notion of happiness seems to be a modern one that is based on unrealistic expectations promoted by popular and consumer culture. I never look as happy as the people in the commercials when I brush my teeth, put on deodorant, and I’ve definitely never had an orgasm shampooing my hair.

I find joy when I’m with my family and friends. An intimate relationship evokes happy feelings for as long as it lasts or is healthy. I find “flow” when I am doing something interesting at work or am in front of a classroom or writing. The point of feminism is to allow women the access to any prospect. The goal of access is not happiness, it is opportunity.

And I can’t imagine being happier with less opportunity. I don’t think the decline of happiness correlates with the rise of feminism. Rather, the expectations of what exactly makes a person happy have been increasingly fictionalized during the past 40 years, and therefore the brutal reality of what is life causes us to find less joy in what is good and what is beautiful. We take those gifts for granted and throw them to the side of the road until it’s the “right time” or the “perfect” situation. The lack of appreciation for the ordinary and the need to forget the past and move on to the next thing, is what dehappifies, not feminism.

Check out Buddhism. According to their tenets, life is suffering and the goal of life should be to end suffering. Perhaps that’s too extreme for our culture, but even if you go to Western Religion, you will see that God was never happy, nor were his patriarchs. They were “good,” “righteous,” and “blessed.” Happiness and joy are reserved for special occasions like life cycle events and holidays.

This study should not be an indictment on feminism but rather one on the concept of happiness and its exaggerated definition and role in our imbalanced culture.

Will the FB generation teach the Holocaust?

2009-06-01T19:35:00.001-05:00

My article for Oy Chicago. I won't forever write about the Holocaust, it's just I'm studying it a lot and taking a group there in July.

Serious advice for the Pope on Jewish-Catholic relations

2009-05-11T23:35:00.004-05:00

It seems like the Pope just can't get favorable coverage in the Holy Land, no matter what he does.

For example, Pope Benedict XVI’s speech at Yad Vashem was described in an Israeli newspaper today as lukewarm. He disappointed the staff of Yad Vashem and Holocaust survivors by his use of mild terminology and not apologizing for German atrocities. (He is German born and had to join the Hitler Youth and the German Air Force)

However, the Pope’s personal history with Nazism or his almost reinstatement of a Holocaust denying priest is really not what’s at issue here. Nor is his speech that probably needed a better editor or two.

The issue is in order to have complete reconciliation, you need to have truth.

And Jews simply do not have that yet from the Vatican.

Pope Benedict must authorize the release of Vatican archives from the time of Pope Pius XII, no matter what their contents or how unflattering they are. Those documents then need to be put into context of the Vatican’s power or lack of power during WWII and the antisemitism that led to the Church’s probable complicity during the war. Just as priests, nuns and other Catholics who saved the lives of Jews during the Holocaust have been recognized as “Righteous Gentiles” by the state of Israel, in order to heal, the negative parts of the story must be known.

Considering the scales of the atrocities, German-Jewish relations are good. Why? The Nazi documentation as it pertained to the so called “Final Solution” has been accessible to historians since shortly after the war. Although the relationship isn’t perfect, when a German leader visits Israel, he/she is not criticized about the Holocaust as the Pope has been during his visit.

Until the archive is open, a full and robust relationship between Jews and the Church just won’t happen - no matter how much time passes. And if there is a desire to reconcile, the entire truth must be uncovered.

When it is, and after it is digested, and the apologies are made, anything the Pope says at Yad Vashem will be praised.

Top 10 things the Pope shouldn’t do when he is in the Holy Land

2009-05-09T20:15:00.003-05:00

10. Remember the good old days of the Crusades.
9. When bored during meetings, doodle pictures of the prophet Muhammed.
8. Have an on-camera lunch with Bill Maher.
7. Eat too much falafel, fries, and hummus - that stuff packs on the pounds.
6. Take water from the Jordan River as a souvenir. He should have prayed harder for rain in the winter.
5. Visit the Temple Mount.
4. Wear a button with Pope Pius the XII's picture.
3. Hang out with any Hamas leader, unless the Pope Mobile is missile proof.
2. Bring up the year 1054 while in the Armenian Quarter. Can you say AWKWARD?
1. Mess with El Al during the security interview and say he didn’t pack his own bags.

Journalists post on Justin-Junich's wall

2009-05-07T20:56:00.006-05:00

The definition of “what is news?” has changed. Everyone’s story can be a story; everyone’s death can be remembered and marked publicly; everyone’s disease can be empathized. The way in which we grieve and lament (and in turn console and comfort) has been remarkably altered in the past five years.

Social networking has also changed the way journalists do their reporting, but maybe it has gone too far.

Less than 24 hours (May 6) after Johanna Justin-Jinich was murdered, a Facebook group was established in her memory. Simultaneously, her story was being told on the news, because of her alleged on the loose killer with homicidal (some anti-Semitic) notes left in his hotel room. The publication led to the greater public joining the Facebook group to express their condolences, some inappropriate, so her Facebook friends shut the wall down at the request of her family.

Here is where the “new journalism” enters.

In addition to the strangers’ postings, reporters from three news organizations posted on the wall offering their condolences and numbers and emails in case someone wanted to talk to them about Johanna and her death.

For all of you who knew Johanna, I'm very sorry for your loss. My name is Rich Schapiro, and I'm a reporter for the NY Daily News. I'm working on a story about Johanna, and am hoping to speak to people who knew her. If you're feeling up to talk, please give me a call: 212-210-2147. Or, you can send along your number. I'd be happy to call you. Thanks very much.

An awful tragedy. The Associated Press has been covering the events in Middletown and is looking for more information about Johanna so we can tell her story to the world. Please e-mail dcollins@ap.org or call 860-246-6876.

My colleague at the New York Times, Serge Kovaleski, is working on a story about Johanna and welcomes any information her friends may want to share. He can be reached at 212 556 1652 or at kovaleski@nytimes.com

What an interesting 21st century maneuver in reporting! Follow this: a tragedy happens, it is covered by the media, and simultaneously friends want to mourn publically, as the friends mourn publically, the media coverage draws strangers to the site of the public memorial (the Facebook wall) which is then used as a vehicle for reporters to further cover the story.

And now I’m writing about the journalists on my blog. All within 24 hours!

One might argue that the journalists are only doing their job; the Facebook group wall is just like interviewing one of Johanna’s classmates in the Wesleyan student union.

I disagree.

The Facebook group wall is too public for good sourcing and hence the reporting too lazy, not to mention too distasteful (but that might not matter anymore, I guess).

I only hope that her family members, if they want to, are allowed to mourn in private with the support of their community. There will be plenty of people who will want celebrity, and hopefully they will paint an accurate enough [for the journalist wall posters] picture of Johanna.

And that her murderer will be caught before he kills again.

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/07/student-killed-in-campus-bookstore/

update: they caught him.

Lost language

2009-04-12T21:24:00.002-05:00

Like you, I assume, holidays make me nostalgic for loved ones who are no longer with us. I have written countless times about my grandmother, whose house I was at every Friday night until I was 15 years old, when she became too sick to cook. I was the youngest, so my brothers and cousins and parents and aunt were with her much more than I was for many more Sabbath and holiday dinners. Still the memory of her is so vivid in my mind. Specifically the the smell of her house (matzah ball soup – even when it wasn’t cooking) and her language of choice – Yiddish.

I have learned to recreate her matza ball soup, each batch more authentic than the last. I made it for my second seder (passover meal) on Thursday and it tasted almost exactly like hers except cooked probably with a little less heart and soul.

What I can’t recreate is Yiddish as the lexicon of expression within my family and my surroundings. Remnants of this Hebraic-European-Germanic language can be found on Seinfeld, Woody Allen movies and even on the Daily Show. But as a language goes, it’s not spoken much anymore except in very small ultra-religious circles.

In college, I had the opportunity to study it, but instead minored in Modern Hebrew, a language which after studying since the age of 6, I have still failed to somehow master. Perhaps, even though I travel to Israel all of the time, perhaps even though I love the country and her people, the Hebrew language doesn’t grab me emotionally like Yiddish. Or maybe they are just different: like comparing hummus to cholent.

So, I thought this fifth night of Passover I would write down some Yiddish phrases that I used to hear a lot as a kid and do not hear much anymore. Yiddish was written using Hebrew letters, so pardon my transliteration. Also, I do not actually speak Yiddish, so there may be some inaccuracies due to phrases being out of context. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, or add phrases in the tongue of your grandparents’ native tongue that have been lost in the amalgamation of language.

[so I tried to do this and I couldn’t. I had to cheat. I knew there were so many words that I just couldn’t retrieve. And then I went to http://www.pass.to/glossary/Default.htm and it blew my mind. All of the sudden, all of these words from my childhood came back to me. Not everything was there, but I copied and pasted from this web site what I remembered. What a trip! Now I understand why my friends would come over and say, "I have no idea what your family is saying half the time." Full credit goes to Rabbi Dan S. Wiko, PhD, and his glossary. I only included the words that I remembered hearing during my childhood. His web site has many more. Also note, all the words used in American popular culture. One more thing: I left out some of the more offensive phrases my grandparents used to say.]

A brocheh - A blessing
A chazer – a pig
Meshugeneh - Mad, crazy, insane female.
Meshugener - Mad, crazy, insane man
A langer lucksh- a tall, skinny guy
A volf farlirt zayne hor, ober nit zayn natur - A wolf loses his hair but not his nature. "A leopard cannot change his spots."
Alef-bais - Alphabet; the first two letters of the Jewish alphabet
Alevei! - It should happen to me (to you)!
Alter Kocker - An old man or old woman.
Az och un vai! - Tough luck! Too bad! Misfortune!
Bashert - Fated or predestined
Bentsh - To bless, to recite a blessing
Bentshen lecht - Recite prayer over lit candles on Sabbath eve or Holy Day candles
Boychik - Young boy (term of endearment)
Bupkis - Nothing. Something totally worthless (Lit., Beans)
Chazzer - A pig (one who eats like a pig)
Chochem - A wise man (Slang: A wise guy)
Derech erets – Respect
Drai mir nit kain kop! - Don't bother me!
Drek - Human dung, feces, manure or excrement; inferior merchandise or work; insincere talk or excessive flattery
Emes - The truth
Shpilkes – The condition of not being able to sit still
Faigelah - Bird (also used as a derogatory reference to a gay person)
Farklempt - Too emotional to talk. Ready to cry.
Farkakte (taboo) - Dungy, shitty
Farshtaist? - You understand?
Feh! - Fooey, It stinks, It's no good
Fressing – Making something almost too good, going crazy over something.
Gai gezunterhait! - Go in good health
Gevalt! - Heaven Forbid!
Gut Shabbos - Good Sabbath
Gut Yontif - Happy Holiday
Ich darf es vi a loch in kop! - I need it like a hole in the head!
Ich hob dir lieb - I love you!
Kaporeh, (kapores) - Atonement sacrifice;
Kaynahorah - the evil eye
Ketzele – Kitten
(To) Kibbitz - To offer unsolicited advice as a spectator
Kibbitzer - Meddlesome spectator
Knish (taboo) – Vagina
Kurveh - Whore, prostitute
Lantsman - Countryman, neighbour, fellow townsman from "old country".
Lig in drerd! - Get lost! Drop dead! (Lit., Bury yourself!)
Lokshen – Noodles
Macher - big shot, person with access to authorities, man with contacts.
Mameleh - Mother dear
K'vetsh - Whine, complain; whiner, a complainer
Mashugga – Crazy
Mechutonim - In-Laws (The parents of your child's spouse)
Mentsh - A special man or person. One who can be respected.
Meshpokha - Extended family
Meshugass - Madness, insanity, craze
Meshugeh - Crazy
Mieskeit - Ugly thing or person.
Nebach - It's a pity. Unlucky, pitiable person.
Nebbish - A nobody, simpleton, weakling, awkward person
Neshomeh - Soul, spirit
Nosh – Snack
Nudnik - Pesty nagger, nuisance, a bore, obnoxious person
Oi vai iz mir! - Woe is me!
Oysgeputst - Dressed up, overdressed; over decorated
Patsh - Slap, smack on the cheek
Pipek - Navel, belly button
Ponem - Face
Poo, poo, poo - Simulate spitting three times to avoid the evil eye
Potchke - Fool around or "mess" with
Pulke - The upper thigh
Rachmones - Compassions, mercy, pity
Saykhel - Common sense
Shaineh maidel - pretty girl
Shandeh - Shame or disgrace
Shlemiel - Clumsy bungler, an inept person, butter-fingered; dopey person
Shlep - Drag, carry or haul, particularly unnecessary things, parcels or baggage; to go somewhere unwillingly or where you may be unwanted
Shlub - A jerk; a foolish, stupid or unknowing person, second rate, inferior.
Shlump - Careless dresser, untidy person; as a verb, to idle or lounge around
Shmaltz - Grease or fat; (slang) flattery; to sweet talk, overly praise, dramatic
Shmaltzy - Sentimental, corny
Shmatteh - Rag, anything worthless
Shmendrik - nincompoop; an inept or indifferent person; same as shlemiel
Shmo(e) - Naive person, easy to deceive; a goof (Americanism)
Shmuck (tabboo) - Self-made fool; obscene for penis: derisive term for a man
Shtik drek (taboo) - Piece of shit; shit-head
Tachlis - Practical purpose, result
Tateh, tatteh, tatteh, tatteleh, tatinka, tatteniu - Father, papa, daddy, pop
Tateh-mameh, papa-mama – Parents
Tsores - Troubles, misery
Um-be-shrien - God forbid! It shouldn't happen!
Utz - To goad, to needle
Ver vaist? - Who knows?
Vos hob ich dos gedarft? - What did I need it for?
Zaftik - Pleasantly plump and pretty. Sensuous looking (Lit., juicy)
Zoineh – Prostitute
Kutz- something little
Zei gezunt en laben longiyurn and sheyn vaksen (what my Bubbie used to say after we sneezed)

Letter to Muslims and Arabs about Holocaust

2009-04-10T22:33:00.005-05:00

Dear Muslims and Arabs from around the world who are enraged about the situation in Gaza,

Whether I agree or disagree is not the point. The point is STOP COMPARING THE SITUATION IN GAZA TO THE NAZI HOLOCAUST. They are not comparable or similar. When you do so, you sound like a bunch of crazies with no legitimate claims.

Worse, when your leaders and professors make up lies about the Holocaust, or even when you publish lies about the Holocaust, you are doing a disservice to your own people as well as those who perished at the hands of their Nazi persecutors. How can anyone trust anything you say when you begin your argument with fictitious accusations?

Holocaust denial has caused more harm to the Muslim world than good. Your causes are viewed with little sympathy because you sound unreasonable and irrational.

Let’s start with the truth. Demand it from your leaders. Demand it for your teachers. Demand it from yourselves and then the conversation can go from there.

Until then, I don’t know how you can expect to get anything accomplished for the Palestinians from human rights to statehood.

I would tell you the article that I read that led to this posting, but the web site doesn't deserve the publicity and neither does the author.

Porkless Donuts

2009-04-05T16:11:00.001-05:00

I started a petition in support of an Arab American who was told he had to give up his Dunkin’ Donuts franchise license because he wouldn’t serve pork in his stores. According to a Chicago Tribune article, he was able to have the store sans pork from 1979-2002 until Dunkin’ Donuts “would not renew his franchise agreement if he did not sell its full line of products.”

After a seven year court battle, higher courts found that Dunkin’ Donuts could refuse to renew his franchise license.

I don’t necessarily disagree with the court ruling. I’m not a legal scholar. Their interpretation of law and the constitution is probably correct.

My issue is with Dunkin’ Donuts the company acting without a moral compass.

So you might be asking, why do I care?

There is something about this that has struck a nerve. Maybe it’s because I know there is a kosher Dunkin’ Donuts on Devon. Maybe because I know there are porkless Dunkin’ Donuts in Arab and Muslim countries.

Maybe it’s because, according to the Tribune, he bought the license back in the 70s, instead of a lets say, McDonald’s, because then Dunkin’ Donuts didn’t serve pork products.

Or maybe because I’ve recently become obsessed with genealogy and am simply amazed that my 8 great grandparents emigrated from Eastern Europe, survived the Great Depression, and have descendants all of whom have realized the American Dream, mostly to a great degree.

I don’t know where Walid Elkhatib is from and I don’t really care, to be honest. All I know, is that he is a first generation American and he deserves to run his business within the confines of his religious beliefs, just as he has done since I was just a little girl.

He’s not asking to close during Ramadan. He’s just asking not to serve pork. It’s not like he’s running a ham shop and asking not to serve pork. He wants to sell doughnuts, muffins and coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts.

My message to Dunkin’ Donuts is as follows: just let him and stop being such corporate jerks.

Sign the petition

Read the Tribune article

Moon; step off, it's the sun's turn to be blessed

2009-03-29T22:22:00.011-05:00

So, in case you missed it, I’m Jewish. I affiliate with Conservative Judaism, although I would define myself (admitted very dorkily that I would even define myself) as a post-denominational American Zionist. Like so many Jews of my generation, I feel that I transcend categorization, mostly because I don’t like to be told that I’m wrong. Heck. I don’t even know that I like to be told that I’m right, because I distrust anything and everything.

I guess that would make me a post denominational American Jewish Zionist skeptic.
Maybe I should start raising money for the PDAJZS. A dinner perhaps downtown? Any donors?

My theology is as follows:

Egalitarianism – (but if you don’t believe in it, fine, don’t believe in it. Whatever works for you, but don’t expect me to join your synagogue because there are good looking guys looking for wives, because I’m not going to unless you let me have an aliyah to the Torah).

Pilgrimage Every Jew should go to Israel at least once in their lives, similar to the Muslim Hajj.

Intelligent support of Israel Supporting Israel is a critical, but that support doesn’t mean blindly endorsing Israeli policies be it from lack of some civil rights for minorities to Ultra Orthodox women sitting in the back of the buses (What is up with that?)

Life long study Jewish continuity depends on knowledge of basic traditions, life cycle events, liturgy as prayer or poetry, the Jewish Narrative (Tanak), Jewish history, Jewish culture, an understanding of Jewish practice in its realities and Judaism as it fits into the spectrum of world religions.

Hebrew The ability to access Hebrew in the text as well as in its modern usage.

What inspired me to put this on paper? Two things actually:

This satirical promotional video on Jewish ignorance

And a Jewish ritual that happens every 28 years that I just learned about called the blessing over the creation of the sun.

Every month Jews bless the new month. The sun only gets its due every 28 years. Why the sun is celebrated in this cycle is explained in the link above (although probably a learned Rabbi would explain it even better.)

The blessing goes like this:

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, Who makes the Work of Creation.

Tradition declares that a week from Wednesday, the sun will be in the same exact place as it was during creation.

So here is my dilemma. Do I say the blessing? The sun being created on the fourth day doesn’t jibe with science. With that said, all the time I see value in religious beliefs that don’t coincide with science. It’s why I keep Passover. There’s no scientific proof of the exodus from Egypt or even the narrative, but I still scrub (or pay someone to scrub) my house and celebrate the holiday by eating two dinners and not eating certain kinds of food for a week which inevitably leads me to have one of the year’s worst stomach aches a couple of days before I binge on non Kosher pizza (vegetarian) with my brother at Pequods.

Will I say the blessing over the sun or more accurately the creation of the sun? Why not? I mean if anything deserves props from Jews or anyone else, it’s the sun, the source of life for all living things. (Plus I had a physical, and I’m in perfect health except I’m Vitamin D deficient. Why? I don’t hang out with the sun enough!)

So April 8, everybody get out of bed, stand outside and bless the fact that we are lucky enough to live on a planet that is at the perfect distance from the sun so that we can benefit from its gifts (let’s give the sun a reprieve from skin cancer next week).

And however the sun was created and however the Earth was created, we should be thankful for what we receive each day from nature and all we have to do is wake up and open the presents that are abundant in this world.

If not see you in 28 years. I wonder if I’ll have a blog when I’m 60?

Glossary:
Aliyah to the Torah - an honor to say the blessing over a Torah reading
Conservative Judaism - a movement in Judaism started in response to enlightenment and Jewish emancipation in Europe to modernize Judaism while keeping it in line with Jewish law.
Egalitarianism - men and women have equal opportunities to perform rituals and adhere to commandments in Judaism. Some would say equal obligation.
Passover - a holiday where you can't eat most carbs (bread, pasta, legumes) except potatoes) to commemorate the Exodus from Egypt. This can mess with your digestive system because you end up eating too much Matza. Can be combated by eating many fruits and vegetables and eating Matza in Matzeration. Haha. It's also a holiday where you spring clean.

Here are some more links on this event.

My favorite is this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngWgm5M5ixE&feature=related

The rest of these links, I don't agree with what they are saying, but I like to listen and learn.

Orthodox Rabbi explaining it

Another Orthodox Jewish Scholar explaining it

A view on the event from people living in the holy, mystical city of Tsfat

Celebration of the Birkat Hachama 28 years ago

And here is a picture of my niece seeing her first sunrise over Lake Michigan.